Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hi, I cared for my mother for many years, while her health declined. My siblings cared nothing about it...I begged my sister for 3 years to get her on oxygen....
My point is, first and foremost, we cannot ever put ourselves in someone else's shoes. What you endure and I endured were completely different...depending on our own personal culture and anxiety levels, etc.
As you know, it is beyond difficult to be a care giver at times....I'd go to work in tears...but some of us, cannot take as much as others so, please keep that in mind, we all own different levels of tolerance and patience, not to mention endurance.
Please understand, this is simply a reminder...being a care giver can be the worst possible chore on God's green earth. There is no amount of pay which can be totaled as enough. My mom got worse as time went on....she was angry and very difficult. And she was not that kind of woman, but....it surely wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination.
My cousin is going thru it now with her father, and he does truly wear her down.
the other kids just simply bow out....and it is terribly frustrating.
4real. OP gets no breaks. Even hired people are expected to get breaks. I am sorry it was so hard for you too. Honestly, this is the most depressing section of CD. The obstacles seem or actually are insurmountable at times.
It's also depressing to think about ourselves getting into a state where we need caregiving. I am desperate not to merely sprain an ankle, for fear of being 'disabled' for that time frame - which is of course absolutely nothing comparable to dementia or long-term physical disability.
4real. OP gets no breaks. Even hired people are expected to get breaks. I am sorry it was so hard for you too. Honestly, this is the most depressing section of CD. The obstacles seem or actually are insurmountable at times.
It's also depressing to think about ourselves getting into a state where we need caregiving. I am desperate not to merely sprain an ankle, for fear of being 'disabled' for that time frame - which is of course absolutely nothing comparable to dementia or long-term physical disability.
Agree, I believe the hardest part was seeing her suffer, and knowing full well that your doing the best you can possibly do, and you get no support from the siblings....boy there were times I cursed them.
My mom was the kindest, most generous person on God's green earth, and if it hadn't been for her, God only knows where I'd be today. She took me in at five years old and spent many painstaking hours listening to me, and putting up with my maternal mother. When I moved in with her, I figured, hey, I'm not dating and have no desire to do so, so why not....and reassured them, I was there for the duration. I owed her so much, but I didn't owe my foster siblings a damn thing, and they could have helped....and done so much more.
There were times when I really became angry with her....she was so stubborn....but even worse, her own children abandoned her, b/c she spoiled them. And she did, big time...I'm so glad she didn't me....I'm glad she was strict...especially when I view them now...I can understand the one sister, b/c she lived an hour away and worked a job that was much more than full time, but the other two, pleased themselves...extremely self absorbed...never had any children, never had to give up anything for anyone else.
I believe jencam that was the hardest for me....and seeing life, slowly chip away at her independence. I used to wonder why? And believe me, I never want my son to "take care of me". I want him to remember me, as we were years ago.....nor would I want to put his wife thru something like that.
I have seen mild forms of dementia, and it is frightening.
Unless she changes the dynamics, she will be popping in for an annual "My Life Sucks" post for the rest of her life. I'm sorry she's stuck in this situation, but she has the power to change it. NOT advising her to change it is just wrong. Maybe if she hears it enough times, it will sink in. The OP is way past the point of needing a place to vent. She needs professional help for herself, and she needs to get Gran in a nursing home.
Edited to add:
Now I'm confused. I took a look at some of the OP's previous threads. In one from a year ago, she describes a boyfriend who ghosted her. In another, she describes a 2 day trip with a friend in March of this year. So it seems like things aren't 100% as described, maybe? The rest of her threads show a pattern of obsessing. I really think Kellyanne29 needs to get some help for herself, so she can either come to grips with her situation or change it.
Last edited by skaternum; 01-09-2018 at 03:03 PM..
Unless she changes the dynamics, she will be popping in for an annual "My Life Sucks" post for the rest of her life. I'm sorry she's stuck in this situation, but she has the power to change it. NOT advising her to change it is just wrong. Maybe if she hears it enough times, it will sink in. The OP is way past the point of needing a place to vent. She needs professional help for herself, and she needs to get Gran in a nursing home.
Edited to add:
Now I'm confused. I took a look at some of the OP's previous threads. In one from a year ago, she describes a boyfriend who ghosted her. In another, she describes a 2 day trip with a friend in March of this year. So it seems like things aren't 100% as described, maybe? The rest of her threads show a pattern of obsessing. I really think Kellyanne29 needs to get some help for herself, so she can either come to grips with her situation or change it.
what can one do, if they've already spoken with the other relatives and gets no support? Maybe all she needs to do is vent? Maybe some of the suggestions she has already tried. We're not all alike, and cannot live up to the expectations of others. Some are unable to discuss things of disappointments with sibs....but do agree, counseling might certainly be a positive venture.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
