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Don't lose that anger. Use it to keep her at a distance. Emotionally and physically. Keep the coals burning as you redo your bathroom and remember she caused this and she will do it again if you give her a chance.
It would be hard for me to protect myself from a sister I loved so I Understand but even on their darkest days my sisters wouldn't do what yours did to you.
She is sadly mentally ill but has the capacity to take care of herself. And she is making poor choices. You make good choices and Keep her family on speed dial. You have done enough
Regarding your step sister.....I would suggest that you have no contact with her. I know you care about her....But caring about someone like this is what got you into this horrific situation. She didn't need an invitation to seek you out before, she likely won't think twice about coming to your home again. The only way to prevent this is to totally disengage, unless you can absolutely set your mind at saying No.
You have a right to be angry....Let that anger work for you. You should channel some of that into cleaning up that bathroom. If you do still have a child living with you are exposing this child to some horrible germs. Flies carry these germs to other areas of your home....they can get through the bottom of the door.
Clean this up carefully. Use heavy duty gloves wear a face mask, wear old clothes that you can wash in hot water, or toss into the garbage. I recommend OdoBan cleaner, it can be found at Sam's club, reasonably priced and kills germs like you'll be dealing with. The easiest way to tackle the bathroom carpet is to use a utility knife and slice it into strips, pull those up and bag immediately.
The underfloor in living area you may have to have professionals cut out that part and replace. Or, if you have a crawl space, put a fan under the floor to dry it out. If nothing else, poor some OdoBan onto those planks and let them air dry.....But, long term....try to get those replaced. Check your community action programs for assistance with your home repair as you may qualify as low income.
A few links with safety advise on cleaning up that bathroom. FACT SHEET - Cleaning Up Blood and Body Fluids
I don't know what to do about all this leftover anger and resentment. She wants me to come visit, hang out, be friends, etc - I don't want her coming back here to live or asking if she can when the situation with her current apartment and the boyfriend inevitably goes to **** yet again.
...and it will - go to **** yet again. It's the pattern of her life. Sadly, you will need to let go of her along with your anger and resentment.
What will an apology from her contribute to the repair/clean up of your home? What do you think she'll do after she apologizes?
You have attempted to help her have a decent life and companionship at little cost to her. She has proven that she doesn't appreciate the help. You can blame it on her going off her "meds" but that, too, is her responsibility, or lack thereof. She knows that when she stops taking her medication she turns into someone less than lovable, yet she chooses to do so.
In all fairness, after more than one attempt, you need to let someone else handle this "problem" and focus on maintaining your home. The first thing you need to do is get that bathroom cleaned up. It will take supreme effort. But you may find once you start that it will be beneficial to you in the long run. Old clothes, rubber gloves, face mask, (gloves and mask available at the Dollar Tree)plenty of rags, bleach, garbage bags for the used rags and gloves.
Next, you need to get that floor situation tended to by getting an estimate or two as to the cost of a permanent repair. That way, you'll know how much you have to save up to get it done.
Trust me, your step-sister is not without resources. Look how quickly she found someone to let her move in and how she manages to get another place when one fails. She knows how to use people; next time she asks to move in, tell her you're "all used up."
I have at least two people like your step-sister in my life.
It took a long time for me to realize it, but I had to mentally "cut them off" and put them aside.
When I am in a social situation and can't avoid being in the same place, I am "fake" and pretend to be happy and cordial, but that's as far as it goes.
You put up with far more than most people would have put up with. Wouldn't use the bathroom and wouldn't wear an adult diaper? What the HEY?
(1) Have your locks changed, in case she still has a key. No need to call a locksmith; just install new doorknobs from Home Depot or another big box store. If she goes off her meds again and becomes homeless, she sounds like she would be the type to break in one day and be sitting in the recliner when you got home from work.
(2) Block her on Facebook and other social media and your phone. If you two have to be at a family affair, have as little interaction as possible.
This person is a USER, and a disgusting one at that. Her mental illness is not an excuse. She made the decision, more than once, to go off her medication. Remember that. She made the decision, when her mental health was in a GOOD state, to go off her meds. You've already seen what she is capable of when her mental health is in a BAD state.
She is no longer your problem! I'm sure it saddens you, but you have all the proof you need that she is toxic, in more ways than one.
As for cleaning the bathroom, you've gotten some good suggestions. Be sure to wear a mask to keep the stench down. An old trick is to put a little Vick's VapoRub on your upper lip -- the smell blocks out lots of other smells. If you think that would irritate your skin, you can try sucking on a peppermint or other strong-flavored candy while you are in the bathroom. Work in short time periods; don't try to do it all at once. Agree with the person who said to wear clothing you can throw out. And buy the most heavy-duty gloves you can. You will be glad you did. There is something about feeling confident that your hands won't actually touch the crud that makes an unpleasant clean-up job a bit more bearable.
Clean the bathroom. I don't get how you just closed the door on the filth. Eeww. Your sister is a moocher forget her.
It is a small guest bathroom on the first floor that I hardly used even when I lived by myself. But you're right -- I think the situation has had me so stuck that I just couldn't move forward even to clean it. Thanks.
I think maybe a lot of your anger (which is eating you up) would dissipate if you directly tell HER, pretty much what you told us. In this way, you are offering her the opportunity to apologize to you. She may...or she might not. But at least, you have blown off some steam of that anger.
She deserves to know what she did, and I feel like you need to be the one to tell her. I don't even think it has to be in person...tell her online if that would be easier.
I disagree. The woman is mentally ill, and its chronic. She didn't have any choice in her mental disease- it just hit her.
When someone gets very sick, it just happens. No one chooses to catch the flu, or cholera, or arthritis. Or bi-polar disease. Cussing out a flu victim doesn't change the sickness, nor does it cause the sickness to depart.
Major illness is always damaging to those around the victim. Mental disease is no different from any other in that regard, and the sister in this case has some serious medical conditions that aren't connected to her mental illness.
Bi-polar is always hard for the victim and everyone connected to the person. They always go off their medication, because the meds take away a lot of the vividness of their lives along with the emotional roller coaster that dominates their life and everyone's around them.
Venting here in anonymity is better than venting to the sick lady by far. We don't have the OPs problems, so we don't have all the emotional overload she has with her relative.
It won't do any good to let out all the anger and frustration to the mentally ill lady. She will just have severe emotional reactions in return, and it always becomes a circular intensifier. I think the OP did well letting out here instead.
The OP seems to be a very good nurturer and a caring person. It's too bad she has a sister who's now probably beyond any ability to lead a peaceful, stable and healthy life, but I think she did just as good as she could do for her sister, and should take some satisfaction in all the good years she provided for her ill relative.
There often comes a time in any disease's progression where the family just cant do anything more. That's the time when the professionals must take over. It's healthy to feel regret, sorrow, and emotional pain when the time comes. Sometimes, sorrow is easier to talk about with strangers than it is with intimates.
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