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Since he is lucid and his children are really not able to help, can you just make an agreement with him and bypass his family altogether?
Looks like that's going to be necessary. He's all for it - his family is freaking out at my request for '$3000 a month!?' that I could bank for future housing or medical needs for myself. They think at that rate, he'd burn though all his savings 'too fast' and not have anything for a possible nursing home stay. Meanwhile, he'll be 102 in several months and he's doing better with me here than he did alone - he drove for a while after he lost his license, just to get groceries. The family was expecting the neighbors to help, probably more than they were able. I saw the whole situation as untenable and quite possibly dangerous without intervention. If he'd hurt a child or even a dog driving after he was able, it would have destroyed him. He has a really good heart and has had an amazing life.
Don't think the thought hasn't occurred - if he was a mere 30 years younger, I would in a heartbeat. He's one of the most amazing people I've ever known.
But he was widowed from his childhood sweetheart back in '82 - and 'she was the only one'... he's lived alone as a bachelor ever since.
I didn't say you were demanding more money. You did. You said you were okay with an uncompensated arrangement for several months. It's now over a year.
I don't have a problem with you asking for being compensated for caring for the old guy.
Most of the other facts are irrelevant.
It's not clear that the old man is as lucid as you claim. He has these assets, yet you have to go to his kids to get authorization to get paid.
Because of his age, they have a say in things - not a POA but like that - a 'revocable trust'? It's not a legal right to decide what he does with his money, it's a familial thing and strong pressure is coming from them for me to continue as we were; I never thought he would live this long and don't know how much longer it will last; they want me to 'save $500 a month from my SS and add to my savings' from that with no formal arrangement. That would give me very little to move on with if he passes or needs to go into a nursing home in the next, say, six months.
I think I should be paid for what is now an over 2 year situation, and ongoing.
If I were a grandchild, here's what my concern would be: that if you weren't paid properly, would that affect his possible future NH costs? I would want an arrangement set up, maybe with an attorney who is knowledgeable about eldercare. Since he only has $1K coming in each month, he actually could go through his savings pretty quickly and he might live a few more years.
What will you do if you don't stay with him? I'm assuming you will need to get a job and then housing costs might be prohibitive for you based on your location.
A fear I might have if I were you is that if he does start paying you, that the grandkids might sue you and claim that he had dementia or something like that.
If I were you what I might do is to count what you would pay to rent as most of your compensation, and then charge him for several hours of care per day at a rate that a true caregiver would charge. I'd do it all legally and above-board so that his grandkids couldn't come after you and it wouldn't later hurt his applications for medicaid if he ever does need it. That way, you'll still have a place to stay and can bank some money. My idea would be something like 3 hours per day at $15/hour = $45/day = approx. $1,350/month. If renting in that area would cost you, say, $1,400/month (I really have no idea), that might be an okay deal for now.
On a related note, I'm a little worried about what will happen with you long term, as there is no way you can make enough money with this situation to save enough to support your own needs. And since he is quite elderly, you never know when you may loose your living situation.
Are there subsidized senior living situations near you, that you might qualify for?
As you are starting to learn, being a live in caregiver is actually highly needed, and if you looked carefully, you might find another position in the future and be paid appropriately from the start. Otherwise, I would start putting out feelers sooner rather than later to find out what your housing options will be long term (and check the current wait lists for such places) and even think about what city you may need to move to.
I've already gotten 'feelers' from others in the same park regarding my availability after I'm no longer needed here. I just don't know how much physically I can do; I'm not able to do heavy lifting or transfers. I was a trained RN back in the 70s, but left that to do other work because of back issues. I don't think I'd have the patience to take care of someone with AD or dementia. It's a strange situation - he's truly my friend and I don't want to take advantage, yet I really will need any money I can bank for the future when even this level of work is no longer possible.
There's an appointment set up with his lawyer next week to go over things; I'll have to ask about making the situation legal and above-board since at this point, it's obviously been far too informal. I presume it'd have to go through an accountant or Paychex type situation, which will mean even more money out of his pocket.
I found that the average salary for home health aids in San Diego is around $25,000/year (I'm not sure how accurate these figures are, though, given that it was a Google search), which works out to just over 2k a month. 3k a month, thus, seems excessive.
Because you have housing provided for in what you acknowledge is one of the highest cost of living areas in the country, any pay should be appropriately deducted/reflected because of this fact.
Now, one thing going in your favor of a higher salary is that you're more than just a live-in health aid in that you feel the need to be there 24/7 in the event something goes wrong. Still, you're only actively helping the guy a few hours a day. If you're really concerned about a fall hazard, ask if the guy is ok with setting up "nanny" cameras around the house that you can monitor with your phone. Or get him one of those emergency alert bracelets. In any event, I would think that $3,000 a month is excessive given the setup you have with the man, the average health aid salary in San Diego, and the potentially available options that you have to lessen your load.
I liken your situation to my condo's building manager. His salary from the association is less than $35,000 a year, but he gets free housing for as long as he's manager here (I live in a higher cost of living area than you do just FYI). Because he has to work set shifts Monday through Friday and doesn't really have a replacement, his off-hours options are pretty limited, too. No, its not exactly an apples to apples comparison, but it did help me put your situation into context somewhat.
Just my two cents.
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