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Last time we were discussing living arrangements, a couple of weeks ago, she shut down and left the room crying, so we decided to discuss it at a later time. Between the wifes long work hours and back to school prep, we haven't had the opportunity to get back to that one. I'm hoping to broach the subject again this weekend.
Good - she needs a deadline so she can stop hanging in limbo, for everyone's sake.
I'm already following a couple of local buy sell trade groups, which is how I found my builder he has already agreed to build the shell, do the wiring, and plumbing while leaving the rest for me to do. A couple of cook outs and me and some friends can finish out the rest. He also agreed to do it in stages so that we can pay cash, no financing at all. It's very important to us that we don't go into debt for any of this. We still aren't going to move forward on anything until she decides that she is staying. I really have no need for another building and don't want to spend the money we saved to do our bathroom remodel if she is just going to go back to TN.
Luckily she has no way to move anything in here without us knowing. She has no car right now so she can't go get anything to bring in. The car we are leasing for her is a tiny sub compact Yaris, with no trunk to speak of, so no room to haul much.
We positioned the cottage location so that she can't drive up to the door so anything that she takes in there will have to pass right by my front window (down a brick walkway) to get in and she would have to carry it or ask for help.
I love my Yaris because it has so much more room than other compact cars. Just put the back seat down, lift the hatchback and load her up. Just a warning!
I love my Yaris because it has so much more room than other compact cars. Just put the back seat down, lift the hatchback and load her up. Just a warning!
I'm not planning on telling her that the seats fold down. Plus we told her that since it's a company lease, she can't haul anything that may damage it because it would cost us money at turn in time.
Perhaps, I am not remembering it correctly, but didn't you say that your MIL was required to take a driver's test before she got a license in your state? If that is the case perhaps she should schedule that now. In my area, it can sometimes take a few weeks to get an appointment for the behind the wheel test. It could be a problem if she does not pass the test and the leased car has already arrived and you are paying for it.
Have you or your spouse actually ridden in a car when your MIL was driving? I know several people who always drove when they were with their elderly parents and thus they never realized what poor drivers the parents actually were (when the parents drove on their own).
The tip off with my 85 year old aunt were the multiple scrapes and dents on her car that suddenly started to appear. Did you notice anything like that on your MIL's previous car?
Having arranged for a couple of in-home visits to determine whether Alzheimers was a factor in the issues we were seeing in 3 relatives, I can absolutely assert that they DO, in fact, happen (this was in NJ 15 years ago for the latest). Working with a friend trying to arrange for that same service here in SW TN, it was met with astonishment that it was even a possibility - similar to your reaction, Runswithscissors.
At no time did I imply (what you inferred is on you) that everyone here in SW TN or NW MS are bumpkins, and I do consider Tupelo a big city (by southern standards), so that rules out the argument against what I said. The strange thing is that I look at MS as slightly more "with it" than my area of SW TN.
Strange that my comparison of nursing homes in the north to those here in the south got overlooked. If I have to be put into a nursing home, let it be in the south. I've taken my SD as a therapy dog to visit the vets in a nursing home about an hour from here - and it was a pleasure. What caring employees.
Inaccurate. These are all just assumptions based on nothing.
First of all, you don't get "a home visit" to "determine dementia" anywhere. I dont' know where that came from.
(snip)
In my state the Council on Aging & Disability does have dementia specialists that can come to your home to do evaluations. It is not a complete medical evaluation but it can assist in home care and/or placement in an appropriate facility or referrals for additional assessment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NY Annie
Having arranged for a couple of in-home visits to determine whether Alzheimers was a factor in the issues we were seeing in 3 relatives, I can absolutely assert that they DO, in fact, happen (this was in NJ 15 years ago for the latest). Working with a friend trying to arrange for that same service here in SW TN, it was met with astonishment that it was even a possibility - similar to your reaction, Runswithscissors.
Perhaps, I am not remembering it correctly, but didn't you say that your MIL was required to take a driver's test before she got a license in your state? If that is the case perhaps she should schedule that now. In my area, it can sometimes take a few weeks to get an appointment for the behind the wheel test. It could be a problem if she does not pass the test and the leased car has already arrived and you are paying for it.
Have you or your spouse actually ridden in a car when your MIL was driving? I know several people who always drove when they were with their elderly parents and thus they never realized what poor drivers the parents actually were (when the parents drove on their own).
The tip off with my 85 year old aunt were the multiple scrapes and dents on her car that suddenly started to appear. Did you notice anything like that on your MIL's previous car?
We can walk right in here, one of the benefits of small town living. As for the car, we were planning on getting another lease anyways, so even if she can't drive the car will be used, and the company lease plan is a great deal.
No, she hasn't been behind the wheel since she's been here. She can't drive a stick which is my current car, and the wife works so much that she is normally only home in the evenings.
Everything brought in is being heat treated in a bed bug tent. It has a heater that brings the tent up to 150 and keeps it at that temp for 2 hours. According to the pest control company that will kill any bugs and eggs that may be on or in items. Anything that can't go through the heat treat is being discarded.
If you end up bringing a car home for her, I strongly recommend that you put some sort of inexpensive tracker on the car so that you can easily find it. I could fill up several screens with tales of elders who've taken off and been found dead in ditches.
This is one example. There are probably much cheaper solutions now:
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