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My great Aunt laid for a week in the bathroom drinking toilet water!
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Originally Posted by ss20ts
Please tell me this is a joke. Seriously, I hope it is.
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Originally Posted by jencam
I wish it were. Not sure why you think that can't happen. My Aunt stayed with her on weekends and she hadn't yet gotten a caregiver for the rest of the time. There was no life alert then. If there were she might not have known yet she needed one.
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Originally Posted by ss20ts
I didn't say I didn't believe it. I was just hoping it was a joke. Drinking toilet water for a week to survive is beyond horrible!
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Originally Posted by jencam
Gotcha. Yeah, that is pretty terrible.
It is interesting that my second thought was "Thank God that she was close enough to a water source to get something to drink." not "Yuck, toilet water." If she did not have access to water, it would have been much, much worse, possible fatal. Of course, my first thought was that it was sad and unfortunate no one called or checked on her for a week.
I had an elderly aunt who laid on her kitchen floor for two days without water, after a fall. She did survive but she never really recovered after that, if that makes sense. Her daughter found her - I think it was "only" the second day after she fell.
Prior to that fall, she had no dementia and was fully functional and living quite well and happily on her own. After that - she could never live alone again.
Unfortunately the fall is usually the beginning of the end. If they break something major then it never seems to heal right. If they lie there without water, it can wreck their kidneys. If they are hospitalized for a time after, pneumonia and hospital acquired infections can occur. If they try to hold their urine, they can end up with urinary tract infections which can mimic dementia. If they hit their head, or lie immobile on a major artery, additional injuries are common, even leading to surgery, or amputation of a limb if they lose circulation for too long.
My mom fell and broke both of her forearms, radius and ulna of both arms. She had to slither (can't crawl on broken arms) across the floor, and pulled the phone off the table by the cord with her teeth. I swear she called me and said "Hi, are you busy?" So nonchalant. Not knowing she was injured on the floor, I said "A little bit, what's up?" She said "I think I broke my arm", I said "What! Which one? Why didn't you tell me that first?" etc. We got help to her in minutes. Even with pull cords in the apartment, it doesn't help if you can't get to the cord, or you hit your head and can't press your LifeAlert button. Stuff happens that is just so random and you can't even imagine it until you are living it.
Unfortunately the fall is usually the beginning of the end. If they break something major then it never seems to heal right. If they lie there without water, it can wreck their kidneys. If they are hospitalized for a time after, pneumonia and hospital acquired infections can occur. If they try to hold their urine, they can end up with urinary tract infections which can mimic dementia. If they hit their head, or lie immobile on a major artery, additional injuries are common, even leading to surgery, or amputation of a limb if they lose circulation for too long.
My mom fell and broke both of her forearms, radius and ulna of both arms. She had to slither (can't crawl on broken arms) across the floor, and pulled the phone off the table by the cord with her teeth. I swear she called me and said "Hi, are you busy?" So nonchalant. Not knowing she was injured on the floor, I said "A little bit, what's up?" She said "I think I broke my arm", I said "What! Which one? Why didn't you tell me that first?" etc. We got help to her in minutes. Even with pull cords in the apartment, it doesn't help if you can't get to the cord, or you hit your head and can't press your LifeAlert button. Stuff happens that is just so random and you can't even imagine it until you are living it.
You are so right and this is exactly why adult kids or other loved ones become so concerned and often involved long before their elderly loved ones think they need help. And it often irritates the elderly person because they can't imagine how quickly things can change.
I've said it a million times before on this forum and IRL but I'll say it again - being forced to live in reactive rather than proactive mode is extremely stressful for many people, myself included.
I'm wired together this way - Until I know I've done all I can in any given situation, I get stressed about it, and I'm thinking constantly about solutions, safeguards, etc. But - I'm not a "worrier." Once I know I've done all I can in any given situation, I let go of it and let the chips fall where they may.
So it is very frustrating for someone like me to watch from the sidelines as someone we love makes a series of poor choices that we KNOW are going to eventually affect us.
I finally had to tell my parents this: "You can do what you want. But if you expect my help, you are going to have to work with me - and that is going to have to include some things that make you feel like your privacy and/or autonomy are being breached by me. If you are expecting my help in your elder years, you are going to have to give me a general, durable POA, a medical POA and have a medical directive in place. You are going to have to let me in the loop regarding your financial accounts, your business, your properties, etc."
See, just prior to my parents' mutual downfall, my inlaws both got very sick, very helpless and then both passed away just a few months apart. They had NOTHING. They had not "let anyone in." So their two sons and daugthers in law were forced to try to piece meal things, try to scramble, try to figure out every single situation with no real legal paperwork or even knowing the wishes of either parent, and they were both too sick to even think or articulate anything logical.
Because they had no good system in place for their loved ones, they were actually MORE vulnerable, not less vulnerable. Ironic, isn't it?
Even with all the legal paperwork in order, even with all the preparation, it's been very difficult - but it hasn't been legally difficult, if that makes sense. Thankfully, my parents got all the legal paperwork in place. They added me to their main bank accounts. My dad took me with him to the attorney's office as well as the CPA's office and he also showed me his filing system, how he paid bills and took care of business, etc.
Most importantly - he changed his medical POA/directive to my name instead of my mom's name. This was difficult for him, because it was admitting that my mom would not be able to handle it emotionally. But I pushed him to do this, and he did it - and unfortunately we had to use it. But it was very helpful to have that stuff in place before the emergency.
One suggestion I have is that the elderly loved one may want to put their spouse as the main POA and medical POA - and that's fine. But on wills, POAs, and other types of legal paperwork you can often name a BACKUP person in case the main person is unable or unwilling to perform.
It is interesting that my second thought was "Thank God that she was close enough to a water source to get something to drink." not "Yuck, toilet water." If she did not have access to water, it would have been much, much worse, possible fatal. Of course, my first thought was that it was sad and unfortunate no one called or checked on her for a week.
It is interesting that my second thought was "Thank God that she was close enough to a water source to get something to drink." not "Yuck, toilet water." If she did not have access to water, it would have been much, much worse, possible fatal. Of course, my first thought was that it was sad and unfortunate no one called or checked on her for a week.
It's possible that she got it out of the tank, not the bowl, which would be a little more tolerable. I know the inside of a toilet tank usually looks gross, but I'd bet out water pipes look the same on the inside.
But when my FIL got released from the hospital, he came over one evening and literally snuck her out of a back door. We had a feeling they were up to something and so we drove over there and actually caught them both - both these very frail, elderly people - loading her personal items into his beat up car (that had been new and beautiful a year earlier) - now the car had a piece of trim literally hanging off the side of it. Apparently he'd side swiped something in just the few days he'd been home.
Anyway, they broke the lease and he took her back home - and within a few months she was worse than ever. All she did was sit in a recliner all day long, with NASCAR races blaring on TV and her depressed and sick husband making daily forages to local fast food restaurants. They lived off Whataburger and donuts for months - in a dark, dirty house with nothing going on but NASCAR and with the blinds drawn. Within a few months she was completely unable to move by herself. Then he had another massive heart attack.
Sad.
My word, Kathryn. That situation sounds like a dystopic novel. Just an awful situation. My Mom also sat all day in her dark, unairconditioned house, sitting in the same chair. All day. Her mobility got worse and worse until she could barely move on her own. If we hadn't put a commode next to her chair, I hate to think what she would have done. We eventually were able to get her into a nursing home, but not before months of stress, worry and frustration as she proclaimed, "I don't need any help" had passed. By that point, her dementia had rapidly accelerated.
People wonder why adult kids worry. My MIL is "doing just fine living on her own with no (paid) help" according to her -- yet her hurricane preparation consisted of buying 1 bottle of PowerAde and a couple of cans of soup. No exaggeration. (BIL had given her a shopping list days prior to make sure she got the essentials on a shopping trip with a friend, but she ignored it. When he went over to get the house ready for the storm none of the food provisions or supplies were there.)
Sigh.
So kids had to go into reactive mode and find an 11th hour plane ticket to evacuate her since store shelves are now empty.
My word, Kathryn. That situation sounds like a dystopic novel. Just an awful situation. My Mom also sat all day in her dark, unairconditioned house, sitting in the same chair. All day. Her mobility got worse and worse until she could barely move on her own. If we hadn't put a commode next to her chair, I hate to think what she would have done. We eventually were able to get her into a nursing home, but not before months of stress, worry and frustration as she proclaimed, "I don't need any help" had passed. By that point, her dementia had rapidly accelerated.
Isn't this just terrible to witness in a loved one? I'm so sorry your family went through this. These are the situations that so many people don't think about when they imagine "staying at home" and "living independently."
People wonder why adult kids worry. My MIL is "doing just fine living on her own with no (paid) help" according to her -- yet her hurricane preparation consisted of buying 1 bottle of PowerAde and a couple of cans of soup. No exaggeration. (BIL had given her a shopping list days prior to make sure she got the essentials on a shopping trip with a friend, but she ignored it. When he went over to get the house ready for the storm none of the food provisions or supplies were there.)
Sigh.
So kids had to go into reactive mode and find an 11th hour plane ticket to evacuate her since store shelves are now empty.
THIS IS WHY WE WORRY.
EXACTLY.
And I hope and pray that your MIL gets out and gets to a safe place.
Reactive mode - my least favorite place in the world.
And it tends to be very costly financially as well as emotionally. It goes against one of the main tenets of my life (right behind that Golden Rule) - "Never unnecessarily limit your options."
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