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As we sit here in South Florida (luckily on the East coast) waiting for Irma I am relying on Netflix to keep my husband entertained. You can't turn on the TV without seeing a news broadcast showing what is going on as Irma makes her way here, so I have got non-stop episodes of "Frazier" going to keep my husband and my mother busy.
Mom lives 12 minutes away and her condo is built like a fortress, but I don't think that an 86 year old should be by herself in times like this so she is staying here. She worries bout the weather so I try to keep her distracted with comedies and lots of home cooking.
My husband has Lewy Body Dementia, so he sometimes finds things to worry about even when there is nothing. Therefore I thought it best to not tell him there is a Hurricane going on. Every once in a while I make comments like "Wow, it's windy today" to try to make it seem fairly normal.
Today his mother called and asked him how we are weathering the hurricane. He told her we were fine and after he hung up he explained to me that his mom is 90 and she is getting a little confused. Mission accomplished!!!
I was always a terrible liar, but now I've gotten quite adept at lying about all sorts of random stuff. It preserves my sanity and my father's serenity. My two best friends are appalled by it, but I really think they need to get over themselves.
This brings to mind a moment when I had been working in the memory ward at a facility. Our 'medical' team gathered to discuss how to broach one of the residence that her husband had passed the night before. It was such a dilemma. Finally my mom ( who was a nurse) said she'd break the news. She sits down with Pauline and says...Pauline..Henry passed away.
Clear and solemn. Pauline looks over at my mom and says.. Ohh he**,he was no darn good anyway!. And that led to a burst of laughter from them both. Who knows what Pauline really absorbed in that moment...We just knew though that Pauline was told..And she got to express herself.
So in reflection I still have moments of having Pauline's quick wit when bad news arrives..Say it,and keep on keeping on....She seemed to do that...
Well, Irma has come and gone and we are all still here. My husband slept through the hurricane, so he was unaffected by it. My mom's place still has no power so she is still here. I think he is wondering why she has been living with us for the past 5 days but he is too polite to ask.
I often run across people in a similar circumstance who insist on trying to get their loved ones with dementia to understand the reality of the situation and I never understood why. Many years ago I went to the hospital to visit my ex husband's father. After some conversation I deduced that he believed that we were sitting at an outdoor cafe in Switzerland. The nurse tried to explain that he was in the hospital but he wouldn't listen to her. I thought that his reality was a lot more pleasant that the one she was trying to get him to be in so as soon as she left the room I flagged down a waiter and ordered him a bottle of wine.
Well, Irma has come and gone and we are all still here. My husband slept through the hurricane, so he was unaffected by it. My mom's place still has no power so she is still here. I think he is wondering why she has been living with us for the past 5 days but he is too polite to ask.
I often run across people in a similar circumstance who insist on trying to get their loved ones with dementia to understand the reality of the situation and I never understood why. Many years ago I went to the hospital to visit my ex husband's father. After some conversation I deduced that he believed that we were sitting at an outdoor cafe in Switzerland. The nurse tried to explain that he was in the hospital but he wouldn't listen to her. I thought that his reality was a lot more pleasant that the one she was trying to get him to be in so as soon as she left the room I flagged down a waiter and ordered him a bottle of wine.
LOL that is GREAT.
My grandfather had dementia during his final illness and he thought he was in a time share and that they were trying to convince him to buy into it. The staff would leave the room and he'd gesture to me to lean in and he'd whisper, "They keep trying to convince me to buy into this place but if you want to know the truth, I don't much care for it. And the food sucks."
He also thought I was one of his ex wives, which was alarming at first till I realized she was probably his favorite ex wife and he had a very witty repartee with me every time I came into the room. He was more excited to "see her" than he was to see me!
My MIL had Alzheimer's and she forgot that her mother was dead and we just went with it because the first (and only) time we corrected her, she burst into tears. We realized right then and there that every time we told her that, it would be like the first time she heard it and she would shocked and grief stricken. So like your FIL, why not let her think something more positive and happy? Why not let her think her mother was just in the next room?
She had very advanced Alzheimer's when her husband died and we just didn't tell her at all. The odd thing about all that was he was her second husband - her first husband and the father of her two boys was the love of her life and he was killed in an accident at a young age. She remarried later and she and her second husband were married for 47 years - but honestly, I don't think it was a happy marriage for either of them. She never once asked about him, never talked about him, after she was moved to memory care. But she talked about her mother and her first husband all the time.
As we sit here in South Florida (luckily on the East coast) waiting for Irma I am relying on Netflix to keep my husband entertained. You can't turn on the TV without seeing a news broadcast showing what is going on as Irma makes her way here, so I have got non-stop episodes of "Frazier" going to keep my husband and my mother busy.
Mom lives 12 minutes away and her condo is built like a fortress, but I don't think that an 86 year old should be by herself in times like this so she is staying here. She worries bout the weather so I try to keep her distracted with comedies and lots of home cooking.
My husband has Lewy Body Dementia, so he sometimes finds things to worry about even when there is nothing. Therefore I thought it best to not tell him there is a Hurricane going on. Every once in a while I make comments like "Wow, it's windy today" to try to make it seem fairly normal.
Today his mother called and asked him how we are weathering the hurricane. He told her we were fine and after he hung up he explained to me that his mom is 90 and she is getting a little confused. Mission accomplished!!!
You seem to hit the nail on the head every time! Never actually telling a lie, just skirting the naked truth. I'm glad you all weathered () Irma.
Kudos to you.
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) Irma.
