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None of the three women are pictures of health. Mom and aunt are both heavy, mom is bigger. Aunt has Crohn's. Mom has a blood disorder with little energy. Actually, if you throw out her limited mobility, grandmother probably has the least serious of medical conditions.
What gets me is mom's complete lack of initiative to do anything. I washed and dried a load of towels last night. I don't mind to carry the laundry up the stairs, but she could at least help me fold the towels tonight. I might be able to get her to with enough badgering, but the roles are completely reversed. Dishes are just left in the sink and are not put in the dishwasher. Their mail piles up for a couple of weeks until dad goes through it. If I don't do the laundry, it will pile up until the weekend, then we spend all day doing laundry. Meanwhile, dad worked a 14 hour shift last night and probably did a little something before he goes in. She'll come in and just sit in the damn chair. It's this kind of thing that just drives me up the wall.
As for grandma, I think the yard could be mowed for $30 a week or so. It's flat, less than a quarter acre, fenced in back yard.
As for me, I have no desire to have kids but I was in a relationship for about a year and a half when I was in Indianapolis and had another relationship when I was in Des Moines. I haven't really had a relationship here since I was in college. The odds of finding a woman, 20-35 or so, who has a professional job and no kids is practically zero in this area.
I pour laundry that needs to be folded onto the person who should be folding it. Would that work?
Serious, that's a tough situation you're in! We lived in Unicoi county a few years ago so I am familiar with the lack of good jobs in the area. And I saw how many families stuck together & helped each other out (even when it seemed like they should have given them tough love instead). IMHO, you shouldn't sacrifice your future for a no-win situation. Mom won't get motivated, aunt won't show step-DIL the door, & grandma doesn't want to make _any_ changes. Sometimes you just have to let people fail, even if it seems heartless.
I went through this with my own parents. They were going to do what they wanted to do, until my mom (the caregiver) died then unfortunately dad had to do a lot of things he hadn't previously wanted to do.
Serious, that's a tough situation you're in! We lived in Unicoi county a few years ago so I am familiar with the lack of good jobs in the area. And I saw how many families stuck together & helped each other out (even when it seemed like they should have given them tough love instead). IMHO, you shouldn't sacrifice your future for a no-win situation. Mom won't get motivated, aunt won't show step-DIL the door, & grandma doesn't want to make _any_ changes. Sometimes you just have to let people fail, even if it seems heartless.
I went through this with my own parents. They were going to do what they wanted to do, until my mom (the caregiver) died then unfortunately dad had to do a lot of things he hadn't previously wanted to do.
I hope you find the right answers!,
Yep, I think unless someone has lived in this area, they just won't understand the extent of the problems. One poster mentioned dad getting on at an AT&T call center. That's all well and good, but they pay much less here than the $15/hr he was making and that that poster quoted.
Aunt's daughter-in-law majored in accounting. She passed the CPA exam, but cannot get certified in TN because she is unable to find work under a practicing CPA in this area. A certain number of work hours are required for an active license in Tennessee. She graduated college before her and stepson separated, and he was in the military. With him getting their house at a cut rate price, moving wasn't in the cards for them. By this point, she would probably have to sit for the exam again AND get the hours. Her accounting education was basically squandered by staying here. That is how the local economy is for those not familiar with it.
Yeah, it's an incredibly beautiful place, but the higher paying jobs just aren't there. I work in medical billing & took a serious cut in pay after moving to TN but we were close to retirement & don't need much. Otherwise it would have been tough.
Better yet, tell the deadbeat daughter in law to get off her a$$ and contribute to her free housing.
It is FREE, right?
Or is your aunt letting her stay there because she pays some of her expenses.
I vote for option B LOL.
I went over and talked to grandma last night. She was going through a stack of mail and bills, sorting them into piles of keep or trash. That's at least some progress.
She had someone she knows come over and trim the hedges and he mowed the lawn. With it being dry the last couple of weeks and near the end of the season, we may only have a couple of mowings left. I'm not going to have her try to find someone this late in the season, but I told her that next year I'm probably not going to keep the yard with all I have going on at work and home.
Aunt found a condo that looks great and is only $125,000. It's siding, not brick, and she doesn't want anything but brick. It has an extra bedroom upstairs, but the master and everything she needs is on the main level. She said in her haughty attitude that "she'd never use it if it's upstairs." It's also "too far out," maybe twenty minutes from the town she does most of her business in.
I went over there last night because I had to take my own recyclables to the dumpster, and she lives just a half mile from there. She wanted me to "come back today" to take the trash down. There was no trash in the outside can. There was one bag in the kitchen. She isn't going to fill the trash can up in a week. It makes no real difference whether the can is rolled to the road Wednesday or Thursday. I just went ahead and left it at the road.
She is going to find fault in any of these homes and is so set in her ways that I don't know what we can do aside from just forcing stuff to get done. I rolled the trash to the road today so I could get stuff done after work tonight. She's just going to have to live with it. Her and Papaw were always very ritualistic. Tuesdays were sheets day. Thursday was towel day. They went to the same hotel on the same beach every third week of June for decades.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachdiver
Yeah, it's an incredibly beautiful place, but the higher paying jobs just aren't there. I work in medical billing & took a serious cut in pay after moving to TN but we were close to retirement & don't need much. Otherwise it would have been tough.
I was fortunate to bring my up north (if you want to call Indianapolis "up north") back with me. One of my colleagues last worked in Charlotte and had her pay cut in half back here. While Charlotte is more expensive, the COLA adjustment is not half.
There is no use in trying to get other people to change. YOU have to change. You asked for advice, and many of us have told you to move away and get on with your life.
I swear that a year from now you are going to be in the exact same place, only a year older.
Since your company does not have offices in other states, I suggest you start a job search in another state for another employer right now.
And while you are searching for a new job, pay a fair equitable amount of rent to your parents and STOP doing all the free labor type jobs for everyone. Take care of cleaning up after yourself period. It sounds harsh, but with these folks the more you do, the more they are going to demand of your time & money.
As someone else suggested, pick up a part time job at a Quikway or somewhere. Your objective should be get a new job with long term prospects in another state, while saving every cent you can for your move & your new set-up.
Yep, I think unless someone has lived in this area, they just won't understand the extent of the problems. One poster mentioned dad getting on at an AT&T call center. That's all well and good, but they pay much less here than the $15/hr he was making and that that poster quoted.
This has nothing to do with Caregiving but what else is new here.
Eventually people will figure out I'm not talking out of my a$$ here.
LOL I worked for them (and other Bell System entities) off and on my entire life and left with 30 years service. You don't know what you're talking about.
I was management most of my life but did take two union jobs in that title so I could relocate and made the same amount in PA as I did in FL. I was also a Call Center Supervisor, Systems Analyst, Project Leader, IT Manager, Product Manager with a $5 BILLION P&L in the Fortune 200 market segment which I was responsible to get billed and paid in the early 90's, had to institute Total Quality Management across my Product Team of 100 people, and direct reported to Joe Nacchio for awhile (who was sentenced to six years federal prison for insider trading), and Gail McGovern who is now the CEO of the Red Cross. Telecommunications is the 2nd largest expense item of most of these companies. Second only to PLANE PARTS for Boeing.
Tennessee is in the same CWA local as Florida. AND Verizon is CWA too, BTW.
The top rate for a Service Representative in the CWA contract is Wage Scale 23 around $1150 per week depending on your zone in 2015 and $1250 in 2018. That's around $33.00 per hour. This title covers landlines, TV and Direct TV, and cell packages. That's the MINIMUM you make just for meeting your objectives.
NOT including sales commission and any benefits. AND Including paid vacation up to 6 weeks per year.
OBVIOUSLY you don't START at that rate but earn increases with time in title. And I'm not talking about AT&T Mobility which is a different cellphone company, not the MAIN AT&T - Formerly Bell South in this region. Same with vacation time, you don't get 3 weeks until you reach 7 years. You also get a PENSION, profit sharing, 401K match, college tuition, vision, dental, life insurance, and lifetime HEALTHCARE with no contribution (except for recent contractual new hires).
And of course the job is NOT EASY so they start a class with 15 people hoping to get 3. And you're not allowed absence or tardies so your run of the mill lazy workers don't even want the job. The most successful new hires are former car salesMEN who have the gift of gab and no problem BS-ing the public but who can get the customer to take the sales pitch QUICKLY and get them off the phone for the next call. Especially for sales bonuses.
NOW that is just the SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE TITLE - there are lots of OTHER jobs especially traditional male jobs like installer, lineman, engineering etc which pay MORE. Women do better than men in the test for installer because the men are afraid of the pole climb test and don't have the lower body control like the women, however.
They are ALWAYS hiring. A 25 mile commute is a BAD idea since you're not permitted ANY attendance excuses. Which is what caused me to AGREE with you that your father didn't know his options and COULD have been making more IF he could cut it.
Most people cannot.
Last edited by runswithscissors; 09-21-2017 at 10:26 AM..
Since your company does not have offices in other states, I suggest you start a job search in another state for another employer right now.
And while you are searching for a new job, pay a fair equitable amount of rent to your parents and STOP doing all the free labor type jobs for everyone. Take care of cleaning up after yourself period. It sounds harsh, but with these folks the more you do, the more they are going to demand of your time & money.
As someone else suggested, pick up a part time job at a Quikway or somewhere. Your objective should be get a new job with long term prospects in another state, while saving every cent you can for your move & your new set-up.
You are in control of how much you cater to your family. If you do all the laundry & do not ask or tell them to help, then it's on you. It is hard to toughen up, but I think you need to.
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