Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thanks. I can do it at my local post office then, as long as I show them the original Power of Attorney papers, by the looks of it. Probably as long as I show them the paperwork, I will be allowed to do it.
I was wondering because if you didn't show them some paperwork, then anyone could just walk into a post office and get someone else's mail forwarded to them!
sfcambridge It sounds like it is time for her to be placed in a Memory care facility.
Honestly, it is almost impossible to manage someone's entire life.... which is what she needs.... from out of state. I am glad she has a social worker. It is time to talk with them about placement.
I think she belongs somewhere other than her home too. The social worker told me on the phone a few minutes ago that there is only enough money for someone to check on her once a week! Then, in May when her house is paid off, there will be enough money for someone also to check on her once or twice. I don't think the social worker knows how bad the situation is. My cousin can't function, doesn't eat, just buys food and hoards it, runs around the neighborhood screaming, and is accusing everyone from stealing from her.
They want ME to drive up there once a week! I can probably manage her bills but drive all the way up there once a week? And drive back in the same day because she won't let anyone in the house--maybe she would allow it one more time but she is becoming very angry and confrontational and I don't feel comfortable in her house. I don't want to stay overnight in that house.
Social Workers are always going to want family to take over. I don't even know how 'the state' ever takes control of someone. People mention it all the time but no one has any real world examples of it.
I have a thread on here about trying to help a MI person and 'the state' does not care. Your friend (cousin?) could walk outside and never return home, let her home foreclose, lie on the sidewalk starving, and nothing be done except police to tell her to get off the sidewalk.
It's deplorable. I am sorry for this situation. She definitely needs to be in memory care, but I have no idea how you can make that happen. If you can.
I haven't read any mention of the Healthcare POA, Permission to Share Medical Information, or Instructions for a Natural Death? Those need to be available, too.
Social Workers are always going to want family to take over. I don't even know how 'the state' ever takes control of someone. People mention it all the time but no one has any real world examples of it.
I have a thread on here about trying to help a MI person and 'the state' does not care. Your friend (cousin?) could walk outside and never return home, let her home foreclose, lie on the sidewalk starving, and nothing be done except police to tell her to get off the sidewalk.
It's deplorable. I am sorry for this situation. She definitely needs to be in memory care, but I have no idea how you can make that happen. If you can.
Well, I do have one real world example.
This was an elderly friend of my late parents. A mutual friend/acquaintance called me and said that she was concerned and knew that I knew something about dementia and asked me to visit to "check on my friend". So I made a trip to her town and spent an afternoon with her. While my parent's friend was having a lot more difficulties physically she appeared to be mostly OK cognitively.
I suggested a number of options for her by telling her things that I had done for my husband(such as calling the Council on Aging to see if they could help in any way, getting a medical POA, etc. etc.) Because I had known her since I was a child and always visited her when I was in town she seemed pretty responsive to my suggestions (but I doubted if she would follow through on anything even if someone "helped her"/"pushed her").
I knew that she had friends who checked on her once (sometimes) twice a week (including our mutual friend) but I was definitely concerned for the future. She was in her late 80s, her husband was dead, his sibling was dead, she was an only child, and they never had any children. I discovered that she had a couple of second cousins (or something like that) that lived 2,000 miles away and she only spoke to them once every couple of years. There did not appear to be anyone close enough to her to "take responsibility". I suspect that our mutual friend was hoping that I would "step up" but with hubby's health issues I couldn't. I gave our mutual friend suggestions but that was all that I could do.
Several months later, our mutual friend went to the elderly woman's house to pick her up for church and discovered that she was wearing the same clothes that she had on the previous Sunday (ie, never changed clothes all week) and appeared to have had a mini-stroke sometime during the past week. The ambulance was called and that was all that the friend did.
Adult Protective Services were called and they took over. I don't know the details, except that some agency handled everything from putting her into a nursing home (after she got out of the hospital), to handling her finances, to selling her house, everything. Her friends were not involved nor were her second cousins (or whatever). Frankly, I did not want to ask for too many details because I was afraid that they would rope me into being in charge.
This happened in Wisconsin about two and a half years ago.
It sounds like it is time for her to be placed in a Memory care facility.
Honestly, it is almost impossible to manage someone's entire life.... which is what she needs.... from out of state. I am glad she has a social worker. It is time to talk with them about placement.
... with potential assisted care, possibly 1 meal (initially, later all meals?), potentially limited oven access over time, etc. Dementia, Alzhiemer's, and other diseases are challenging for all involved, but personal safety trumps all at varying points for the individual encountering the challenges first hand. Good luck to the OP and her cousin.
Thanks. I can do it at my local post office then, as long as I show them the original Power of Attorney papers, by the looks of it. Probably as long as I show them the paperwork, I will be allowed to do it.
I was wondering because if you didn't show them some paperwork, then anyone could just walk into a post office and get someone else's mail forwarded to them!
sfcambridge It sounds like it is time for her to be placed in a Memory care facility.
Honestly, it is almost impossible to manage someone's entire life.... which is what she needs.... from out of state. I am glad she has a social worker. It is time to talk with them about placement.
I think she belongs somewhere other than her home too. The social worker told me on the phone a few minutes ago that there is only enough money for someone to check on her once a week! Then, in May when her house is paid off, there will be enough money for someone also to check on her once or twice. I don't think the social worker knows how bad the situation is. My cousin can't function, doesn't eat, just buys food and hoards it, runs around the neighborhood screaming, and is accusing everyone from stealing from her.
They want ME to drive up there once a week! I can probably manage her bills but drive all the way up there once a week? And drive back in the same day because she won't let anyone in the house--maybe she would allow it one more time but she is becoming very angry and confrontational and I don't feel comfortable in her house. I don't want to stay overnight in that house.
When you do the change of address form the post office will send a letter/card to the old and new address that states there was a change of address request and to contact the post office if she did not make the request.
That is how they avoid fraud, etc. Also its a federal crime to mess with the mail so delivery at a fraudulent address will be easily caught.
Oh, and as a bonus, you will get a bunch of coupons for places like lowes in the change of address package from the post office at the new and old address.
Hopefully she will not respond to the notice of change of address to her old address.
This was an elderly friend of my late parents. A mutual friend/acquaintance called me and said that she was concerned and knew that I knew something about dementia and asked me to visit to "check on my friend". So I made a trip to her town and spent an afternoon with her. While my parent's friend was having a lot more difficulties physically she appeared to be mostly OK cognitively.
I suggested a number of options for her by telling her things that I had done for my husband(such as calling the Council on Aging to see if they could help in any way, getting a medical POA, etc. etc.) Because I had known her since I was a child and always visited her when I was in town she seemed pretty responsive to my suggestions (but I doubted if she would follow through on anything even if someone "helped her"/"pushed her").
I knew that she had friends who checked on her once (sometimes) twice a week (including our mutual friend) but I was definitely concerned for the future. She was in her late 80s, her husband was dead, his sibling was dead, she was an only child, and they never had any children. I discovered that she had a couple of second cousins (or something like that) that lived 2,000 miles away and she only spoke to them once every couple of years. There did not appear to be anyone close enough to her to "take responsibility". I suspect that our mutual friend was hoping that I would "step up" but with hubby's health issues I couldn't. I gave our mutual friend suggestions but that was all that I could do.
Several months later, our mutual friend went to the elderly woman's house to pick her up for church and discovered that she was wearing the same clothes that she had on the previous Sunday (ie, never changed clothes all week) and appeared to have had a mini-stroke sometime during the past week. The ambulance was called and that was all that the friend did.
Adult Protective Services were called and they took over. I don't know the details, except that some agency handled everything from putting her into a nursing home (after she got out of the hospital), to handling her finances, to selling her house, everything. Her friends were not involved nor were her second cousins (or whatever). Frankly, I did not want to ask for too many details because I was afraid that they would rope me into being in charge.
This happened in Wisconsin about two and a half years ago.
Against her will? Sorry that I didn't specify that part. APS is very willing to help people who will accept help.
My cousin has been evaluated by Adult Protective Services. However, she is very good at faking things and her house looks perfect, everything looks perfect. She will smile and lie and say whatever they want. She will show them the refrigerator full of food and pretend that she cooks and eats, etc.
A few years ago she almost ended up in a nursing home against her will because she wouldn't allow any care givers into the house. But her neighbor friend (now out of the picture) stayed by her side and for that reason she did okay. Also, I was her guardian and I found out that she was on a particular medicine that caused dementia in elderly people. Got the dr to take her off that medicine and no more dementia.
But this time she's much worse and there's no neighbor coming and going, making her take her pills, taking her places, helping her out. She's alone and for some reason, she can't remember anything from one minute to the next. She doesn't know the name of her own doctor, has to write down everything I tell her, can't find things and believes everyone is stealing from her. She even thinks someone has stolen her hearing aid. Her nurse said my cousin hides stuff, can't find it, and then thinks people have stolen the things.
But the point is, the authorities told me back then, a few years ago, that if she kept refusing to have helpers, she would be put into a nursing home. And I am almost certain that they would have done it whether she wanted it or not. She definitely doesn't want to be in a nursing home but she would have been put into one against her will.
My cousin has been evaluated by Adult Protective Services. However, she is very good at faking things and her house looks perfect, everything looks perfect. She will smile and lie and say whatever they want. She will show them the refrigerator full of food and pretend that she cooks and eats, etc.
A few years ago she almost ended up in a nursing home against her will because she wouldn't allow any care givers into the house. But her neighbor friend (now out of the picture) stayed by her side and for that reason she did okay. Also, I was her guardian and I found out that she was on a particular medicine that caused dementia in elderly people. Got the dr to take her off that medicine and no more dementia.
But this time she's much worse and there's no neighbor coming and going, making her take her pills, taking her places, helping her out. She's alone and for some reason, she can't remember anything from one minute to the next. She doesn't know the name of her own doctor, has to write down everything I tell her, can't find things and believes everyone is stealing from her. She even thinks someone has stolen her hearing aid. Her nurse said my cousin hides stuff, can't find it, and then thinks people have stolen the things.
But the point is, the authorities told me back then, a few years ago, that if she kept refusing to have helpers, she would be put into a nursing home. And I am almost certain that they would have done it whether she wanted it or not. She definitely doesn't want to be in a nursing home but she would have been put into one against her will.
Sounds to me like if APS went out there again, they'd take action based on a new interview. It sounds like there's been a significant downturn in your friend's health and comprehension and mental abilities. I am so sorry about all this.
I went through this with my mother. Its very helpful to get on-line access to her bank accounts so you can easily view her activity and monitor for any issues. You can also pay her bills online so you don’t need to order checks. Go to the bank with your POA documents.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
