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I've posted before. my parents have been in an ALF since april. with the regular medication, food and care they've been receiving they've greatly improved. they have a host of health issues plus both were diagnosed with dementia. but they want to go out weekly and have lunch with friends who live nearby as well as go grocery shopping. their doctor wrote that they are not allowed to go out on their own. they are very upset about this and i think they actually are functional enough to do what they want to do (it's all within a few blocks of the ALF). they are feeling frustrated and want to leave. they're fairly young, 80 whereas most ppl who live there are at least 85. should i contact their doctor and see if he can change his instructions? i tried contacting him and haven't heard back. or are they right and they should not leave unaccompanied and they will get used to it?
First, the issues have nothing whatever to do with what their age is. A friend's husband is in Memory Care for advance dementia at 57.
It was serious enough their doctor said they should not be on their own. But if they have improved with care, maybe after another evaluation, he could be modify the instructions. I would not try to go around these instructions until such an evaluation.
Why don't the friends come over or take them since it only says they cannot go out "on their own"?
Some things to think about:
If they got lost, can either process what to do to figure this out? Thinking of the diagnosis of dementia.
If one falls, can either secure help? Thinking of physical issues and health issues.
Are they using appropriate assistance devices like canes or walkers for protection? or are they defensive about it?
How are they getting to lunch? Surely the ALF and doctor are not saying that their friends cannot pick them up and take them somewhere? They're not going out alone in that case.
I agree, see if will be Ok if the friends fetch them, the alf is probably afraid if they walk to the restaurant, that they might get lost. It does happen. Can someone take them shopping?
If they get upset, agitated, or angry in public, they get disoriented. Whoever is with them needs to know how to handle them where their thought process could be overloaded by social situations. It's not simply memory loss.
Location: Went around the corner & now I'm lost!!!!
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KA is correct. Their friends can pick them up. Also ALF usually have a van to take them to the stores, doctor's visit, special events or just to ride around in the neighborhood.
My mom was in a nursing home and we were allowed to pick her up and take her places. But no - they couldn't just walk out on their own. Well they tried, but the alarms would go off.
If they get upset, agitated, or angry in public, they get disoriented. Whoever is with them needs to know how to handle them where their thought process could be overloaded by social situations. It's not simply memory loss.
True, and if they get disoriented in public, they get upset, agitated and angry (so vice versa). As we've all discussed often, dementia is a total game changer and makes the possible actions and reactions of loved ones unpredictable and often frightening for all involved. Definitely frustrating for all involved, and when a loved one has dementia, they can't usually handle frustration well.
My mother and my MIL both reverted to lashing out physically, which not saying they NEVER did this in the past, but they weren't typically violent, especially over "little things." I do think that dementia removes filters and people often revert to their most basic impulses.
True, and if they get disoriented in public, they get upset, agitated and angry (so vice versa). As we've all discussed often, dementia is a total game changer and makes the possible actions and reactions of loved ones unpredictable and often frightening for all involved. Definitely frustrating for all involved, and when a loved one has dementia, they can't usually handle frustration well.
My mother and my MIL both reverted to lashing out physically, which not saying they NEVER did this in the past, but they weren't typically violent, especially over "little things." I do think that dementia removes filters and people often revert to their most basic impulses.
It really feeds on itself. The irony in my situation is the exact opposite. If she is upset with me, the presence of someone else forces her to behave herself.
If they get upset, agitated, or angry in public, they get disoriented. Whoever is with them needs to know how to handle them where their thought process could be overloaded by social situations. It's not simply memory loss.
I agree.
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