Would Adult Protective Services be helpful for a neighbor with dementia? (father, Colorado)

[lchoro]

Originally Posted by hunterseat

Sounds like elder abuse. In Memphis I know that, if there are mental health issues, you can report to the police. They can follow up and even get the social work ball rolling.

Also I was reading an account of a doctor who specializes in dementia who was called to the ER for a case that presented as dementia. He recognized symptoms that led him to correctly diagnose a different medical condition easily corrected. Sorry I don't remember the details. It may have been some kind of infection.

Urinary tract infections are frequently mentioned on this forum.

Any infection can do. I notice that speech difficulties (aphasia or dysphasia) will manifest temporarily when she has a cold. There are usually no other symptoms except fatigue.

[Windwalker2]

Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe

I am not sure if I mentioned this, but I was told by another tenant at one point that this man was a famous surgeon or something like that in his birth country. So, apparently a brilliant man. it must be so frightening and horrible for him, and his daughter, no doubt. But, I didn't witness kindness in her manner at all, the day I saw her hollering at him. So, it seems like if there can be some kind of intervention that will get him an in-home caregiver or put him in assisted living somewhere, that it would ease her burden, too. I'd hope so.

It's very hard caring for a person with dementia. You might have caught the daughter on a bad day. I hope that APS will be able to help in this situation.

[Ultrarunner]

I have seen the most patient family member snap... at least verbally.

It takes a toll answering the same questions over and over again but what is worse is when the affected person states with clear conviction things they believe true but are 100% false.

We have a Cardiac Rehab unit at the Hospital... I see the same patients come in week after week and some for years... generally, age takes a toll.

There was one woman that snapped in the lobby... she just let her mother have it... verbally, no bad words or anything physical... her Mom was telling everyone that this was her last visit as her daughter was moving away and abandoning her... she was saying this to anyone that would listen... the daughter said Mom is slipping into an alternate reality but it could very well become real... because the daughter was physically and emotionally drained...

In fact the daughter had taken early retirement to care for Mom and had just paid for the next 8 weeks of physical therapy...

The daughter basically told her Mom to stop with the lies... and if she didn't the Daughter would make the lies reality... saying she is simply done and her siblings would need to deal with the issues... which all lived in different States...

[sheena12]

I think it's wonderful of you to have concern for your neighbor, and the weight loss, lack of self care, are certainly signs that he needs some sort of help.

As I'm sure you know, people with dementia can be difficult at times. I don't necessarily think the loud arguing are any signs of verbal abuse. Some cultures also speak, and argue louder than others.

I agree. A call to APS is in order.

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Okay, I spoke with some other tenants yesterday and learned basically where his apartment is, so I walked in that direction and ran into another tenant exercising with her walker and I asked her if she knew which apartment was his. She's hard of hearing so I said it really loudly (mentioning his first name) and he opened his apartment door! So, I had the apartment number. He looked totally confused, so I just walked away, but noticed he was in his pajamas.

I had already called APS, but I had to wait for someone to call me back. So, by the time they called me back, I knew his address. I had also seen him again walking the halls in his pajamas again. It took them all day to call me back.

One of the tenants, we'll call him George, yesterday told me that this man was completely lucid when George first moved into the building in 2014. So, just 3 or 4 years ago, he was lucid. He told George he used to be a doctor and discussed how George could manage his diabetes.

I told this to the social worker over the phone and she mentioned that that was a really fast decline.

I told her everything I'd witnessed, including the daughter's behavior and that I'd heard, also from George, that the man's daughter pays his rent. George at one point told the manager that this man had been sitting outside her office when the office was closed telling everyone he needs to pay his rent. He does this very regularly. He'll just sit there all day saying to anyone who goes by, "Excuse me, I need to pay my rent." And you can't reason with him that the office is closed and won't be open all weekend, etc., and so he should go back to his apartment. He doesn't get it, he just looks confused and keep saying he needs to pay his rent. When he finally moves away, it's of his own accord, not because anyone every convinced him it was futile.

At any rate, I did mention this saying that I don't know if she's managing his money or if she's paying out of her own pocket, but they may want to look into that, in case she should be using his money to get him help, and she isn't.

When we started our conversation (the social worker from APS and I), she mentioned she'd have to notify law enforcement - don't remember if it was because of something I said or if it was just a rote disclaimer. I said that's fine. She said the fact that I was the one who called would be kept confidential. I said that's fine, but I really wouldn't have any problem explaining to anyone why I called.

She was very nice. Listened mainly, asked some questions about if he was soiling himself, could he walk on his own, did he bump into things. He doesn't do any of those things.

Oh, and one of the tenants also told me that he gets a meal every day from Meals on Wheels (although I'm not sure if they deliver on weekends). But, then he said, "Have you noticed the food left on the tables in the halls where sometimes you'll just see someone took a bite out of something and left it?" I said, "Yes! I wondered what was up with that. He said it is this man. I'd seen him walking around with food, but never eating.

So, I also told this to the social worker. I think he gets the food, but then wanders around with it. I see a lot of food containers, like the plastic kind with a salad or sandwich in them, that have not been opened. So, he may just wander around with the food he gets, and just puts it down on the tables he walks by, occasionally eating some.

Anyway, I'm glad I ran into the tenants in the lobby yesterday and went ahead and told them I was worried about this man and asked if they knew which apartment he was in. They didn't know for sure, but one lived at the end of the same hall and knew which side of the hall he lived in, but wasn't sure which apartment. And I found that out this morning.

I told the social worker when we finished, that I thanked her and hoped she could help him and she said, "I hope so, too."

So, I think at least they will send an investigator and get him some help. If the daughter is a good person, then maybe she'll end up getting some relief, too.

Oh, I hadn't seen him over the weekend and thought maybe she had taken him for the weekend, but while I was talking to the tenants in the lobby, she came in and waited at the elevator and looked at us with a scowl. So, she didn't have him. It made me wonder why we hadn't seen him all weekend. I told the social worker that, too.

When I was reading about cases they investigate, sometimes people drug them so they are manageable. I mentioned this to the social worker, too, and said I don't want to be paranoid or anything, but wanted to mention that it was weird not to see him, and then learn he wasn't with his daughter.

Of course, it's all conjecture and I was very frank with the social worker that I really don't know what's happening, and I have made it a point not to get involved with my neighbors, but that since I'm in and out of the building so much - several times a day every day - that I've observed him nearly every day and even after talking to the manager, was only seeing him get worse, and then after seeing the daughter yell at him, and learn she manages his finances - well, I just started thinking - what if. And just in case it's the worst case scenario, I should get somebody qualified to check it out.

So, I will trust the system. If I don't see any progress within a reasonable time, I'll call again. At least I can sleep better knowing I tried to help him. I just thought, gosh, what if the man dies from dehydration and everyone thought someone was making sure he was okay, but nobody really was.

Thanks for being here for me though this - my online pals. Let's all say a prayer (or your version) for him.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe

(snip)

So, I will trust the system. If I don't see any progress within a reasonable time, I'll call again. At least I can sleep better knowing I tried to help him. I just thought, gosh, what if the man dies from dehydration and everyone thought someone was making sure he was okay, but nobody really was.

Thanks for being here for me though this - my online pals. Let's all say a prayer (or your version) for him.

Thank you for the update. I am so glad that you got involved.

[Coloradomom22]

Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe

Thanks for being here for me though this - my online pals. Let's all say a prayer (or your version) for him.

Bless you for being a good neighbor and looking out for this poor man. Like I said before, this man is like a child left alone. No one would think twice calling 911 for a child, yet because it's an elderly person people ignore the situation.

And I hate to say this, but it wouldn't shock me if the daughter knows his situation and chooses to be in denial. You'd be surprised how many people will choose to ignore the signs that their parents are in distress because seeing the signs would mean a huge burden on them for their parent's care. She probably thinks well he has a place to live and Meals on Wheels so it's all good.

[theatergypsy]

NoMoreSnow, you did the right thing.

[lchoro]

The concerns had probably been relayed to the family through the apartment management since there was never a welfare check by law enforcement.

The family needs a shove to move the old man into a proper situation or to correct the deficiencies in the current arrangement.

In all likelihood, they took other short cuts, which was evident by giving him a placard with the room number to show to strangers.

They drug Alzheimer's patients in nursing homes too to make them nonviolent. It was in a recent Human Rights Watch study and the issue comes up every several years. The doping may accelerate the decline.

I would guess the dementia is exacerbated or accelerated because food and water intake is not regularly monitored.

[Loriact]

NoMoreSnow - Thank you so much for trying to help this man.