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My parents scrape by on retirement without assets except for some home equity worth about $180k if they sell. They are destined for needing assisted living. One has Alzheimer's already (very slow progression so far). They live in CA.
As most here know, $180k in dual private-pay assisted living will not last very long especially with other healthcare costs figured in, and private memory care which will also increase costs until they're out of money.
Part of me thinks I should help them cash out now and live in a nice transitional living place for as long as they can to maximize their quality of life here and now before the inevitable decline. My concern is one or both could live for years after that money runs out.
The other part of me knows they adore their house and want to keep it in the family. Maybe with juggling and using in-home services we could keep them there much longer and keep the house in the family.
Or, we try to keep them in the house for as long as possible and then sell it when things get so bad that maybe the equity will last the rest of their lives in assisted?
Seeking experienced opinions, as I'm flying blind here as the only child.
How old are your parents? Does one of them still drive? How much help does the parent with Alzheimer's need? How long ago was the diagnosis? I have learned through attending Alzheimer's/dementia support groups that there is a tremendous range in the progression from person to person. Some people need significant care (bathing, toileting, feeding, etc.) within two or three years of being diagnosed and in others it may take eight or ten years to be at that level.
How active is their social life in their neighborhood? There is a huge difference between a couple living in their own home, with assistance, and visiting with friends and neighbors, attending their long time church, shopping at their favorite neighborhood shops, occasionally eating at their favorite neighborhood restaurants and a couple just sitting in their house staring at the four walls or watching TV for hours.
Is there a reason that they want to "keep the house in the family"? Did they design and built it? Has it been in the family for additional generations (ie. parents or grandparents)? Do you or your children want to live there one day?
Is the house "elderly approved"? Wide enough doors for a wheelchair? Full bathroom & master bedroom on the first floor? No steps to enter the house (or room for a ramp)?
Since one of your parents is cognitively aware, IMHO, most of the decision making should be on them. Of course, you should get involved when asked and help with the decision if asked but it is their life. I was the full time caregiver for many years for my late husband, and while I "bounced ideas" off of my adult children the final decision was always mine (of course, I was in my early/mid 60s and completely cognitively aware. If I was 80 or 85 it may have been completely different).
My parents wanted to keep the farm "in the family" but no one wanted it or to live there or to rent it out. Best thing we did was sell it. BUT, this was after father passed away.
Germaine has asked a lot of valuable questions.
It would also be valuable for your parents and kids to visit an elder care specialist and perhaps an attorney for advice. There are two of them to consider and state laws vary so much.
Meeting with a good elder law attorney is important.
Make sure the attorney is well versed in the laws of the state in which they live.
Hopefully your parents will be willing to do this, and the three of you can attend the meeting together.
If your parents have no interest in meeting with an elder law attorney, than I suggest that you meet with an elder law attorney on your own. Take copious notes for future reference.
How old are your parents? Does one of them still drive? How much help does the parent with Alzheimer's need? How long ago was the diagnosis?
Mom has had Alzheimer's four years with very slow progression. Dad still drives. Mom has poor short term memory which can lead to confusion (for example, you leave her alone too long and she forgets why). The main burden right now for dad is not having a lot of breaks from her because she's not doing as much solo anymore.
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Originally Posted by germaine2626;
How active is their social life in their neighborhood?
They are slowing down but still attend their church and know several neighbors, but mostly they just watch TV and work in their yard, or shop. It's clear they need an increasing amount of check-ins and help shopping etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Is there a reason that they want to "keep the house in the family"?
It's "THE" one owned house in their lives, and my kids adore it and I'd love to live in it some day. Attachment is primarily sentimental, but I also have this concern that if we sell it, the money will burn up and we'll still be facing helping them when they're totally broke.
House is two-story so eventually it'd not be safe long term.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Since one of your parents is cognitively aware, IMHO, most of the decision making should be on them.
Believe it or not, it's a battle to get opinions out of my parents. Some might consider that a blessing but it can be very difficult too. The most I can get out of them is they want to live by us. While there is some passive-aggressive resistance from dad sometimes, the consistent signal he sends me is this is all too much for him and he'd rather I take care of it. I have already had to step in and rent their place while they lived with us because they were running out of money. This is really all on me at this point.
I agree with all those who said seek out a good elder law attorney. For the state they live in. ASAIK. the principal home is not used in medicaid asset assessments in CA, but you need to check it out. It is such a hard thing to go through, & I wish you well, getting hte help, you all need.
Is this a situation where a reverse mortgage would be the compassionate choice? Perhaps, this would allow them to continue living in their home and have money for their care. From my best understanding of the aging process, a person with memory loss should stay in their familiar surroundings to prevent further disorientation, unless it is unsafe for them to do so.
Is this a situation where a reverse mortgage would be the compassionate choice? Perhaps, this would allow them to continue living in their home and have money for their care. From my best understanding of the aging process, a person with memory loss should stay in their familiar surroundings to prevent further disorientation, unless it is unsafe for them to do so.
I think they owe too much on their mortgage to qualify, unfortunately, but it sounded ideal.
I wish they had planned better for this!
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