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I don't know. My parents are independent people. They do what they want when they want. My dad refuses to take responsibility for this situation and do anything about it, even though he claims he takes care of my mom. He is just waiting for me to up and leave and then he'll do something. That's how he works. He won't plan or make arrangements because it's against his ideals. He just takes things moment by moment. Convenient for him, not for anyone else in his life though.
Good grief! Tell your sibs to pitch in together to buy your parents a trailer or used RV, and they can move it around once/year from house to house, so everyone can take turns keeping an eye out for them. This is ridiculous. Or they can call SS and put the parents on a waiting list, themselves.
You have five siblings. Make up a rotating schedule. They stay with one sibling for 2 weeks, then move on to the next. The six of you will each have custody for 2 weeks out of every 12. You can handle it. If Dad is a jackass, that's the host's problem, not yours.
You've been at this for 14 years, and are now 46. That means you were 32 when you took them in. They must have been functional enough at that time, that they didn't need to be cared for. Was this an economic decision at that time, or was there some kind of illness going on, as well? Just wondering. Most people in their 60's are still able to be independent; many are still working at that age. I'm just trying to fill out the picture, OP.
My dad is 85. They moved in with me when my dad could no longer work to afford a place for him and my mom. They never had any savings. My dad simply doesn't consider other people that much. He's a very self serving person. He even told me that he would pack his car and go live with friends in Florida. I asked him "well what about mom?", of course his answer to that was, 'her kids will take care of her.' This is what I'm dealing with. Trying to gather my sibs together to make a plan for my parents is very difficult because we all know that getting my dad to go along with a plan is like herding cats. Which is why it's so easy for them to just back away from the whole thing and let me deal with it.
If Dad is a jackass, that's the host's problem, not yours.
I'm the host, have been for 14 years. What am I going to do, load up my mom and dad in the car like little children and drop them off at my sib's house? That's not even remotely realistic.
My dad is 85. They moved in with me when my dad could no longer work to afford a place for him and my mom. They never had any savings. My dad simply doesn't consider other people that much. He's a very self serving person. He even told me that he would pack his car and go live with friends in Florida. I asked him "well what about mom?", of course his answer to that was, 'her kids will take care of her.' This is what I'm dealing with. Trying to gather my sibs together to make a plan for my parents is very difficult because we all know that getting my dad to go along with a plan is like herding cats. Which is why it's so easy for them to just back away from the whole thing and let me deal with it.
It's going to be up to you to change the program. If you don't change your thinking about all this no one else will. Everyone is settled into a familiar somewhat comfortable groove and fall back on the same old arguments and assumptions.
I'm the host, have been for 14 years. What am I going to do, load up my mom and dad in the car like little children and drop them off at my sib's house? That's not even remotely realistic.
Are any suggestions here sounding possible for you? We really would like to help...
My dad is 85. They moved in with me when my dad could no longer work to afford a place for him and my mom. They never had any savings. My dad simply doesn't consider other people that much. He's a very self serving person. He even told me that he would pack his car and go live with friends in Florida. I asked him "well what about mom?", of course his answer to that was, 'her kids will take care of her.' This is what I'm dealing with. Trying to gather my sibs together to make a plan for my parents is very difficult because we all know that getting my dad to go along with a plan is like herding cats. Which is why it's so easy for them to just back away from the whole thing and let me deal with it.
I had to chuckle at that---like herding cats! I don't mean to make light of your situation, but a bit of humor makes the most difficult situations a bit easier.
I understand where you're at, and I honestly think herding cats would be easier!
Can both parents function without a caregiver? You might want to look into getting them some sort of place apart from you. Perhaps try social services.....Take care and good luck
I'm the host, have been for 14 years. What am I going to do, load up my mom and dad in the car like little children and drop them off at my sib's house? That's not even remotely realistic.
Why not? Of course, that is realistic. I have personally known several families who have done that. In one family, the parents stay four months with one sibling, four months with another sibling and four months with the third sibling.
You have taken care of your parents for 14 years and it is someone else's turn for the next 14 years.
Frankly, your siblings should be ashamed of themselves. Your marriage broke up because your siblings did not do their fair share of caregiving. Shame on them!!!
Frankly, your siblings should be ashamed of themselves. Your marriage broke up because your siblings did not do their fair share of caregiving. Shame on them!!!
That's just not true. My marriage failed because of my choices, not anyone else's. I chose my parents over my wife. That's a decision I won't make again, not that i'll ever have an opportunity to.
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