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You may not be saying it outwardly, but people suspect that you have the same thoughts. They are just saying it out loud, whereas you're using the forum as a soundboard for your suspicions. There is also a tendency to diagnose everything as dementia/alzheimer's since it's so common and the forum is specific to looking after those with the disease.
I don't have the same thoughts or suspicions or I would have posted them. It seems many people now are amazed when a person who is in their 80s or above is with it and intelligent and has no signs of memory loss, when we really shouldn't be. I'm using it as a soundboard for my frustrations. I am going to have to let it go and bite my tongue with him as I have my whole life. If I do see any signs of memory loss I will report it here so the experts here can diagnose him from their computer screens.
Doe he forget to pay his cable bill....no
Does he forget to pay water, electric, insurance etc no no no no no
Does he forget to move his car every Tuesday and Thursday for alternate side of the street parking no
Does he forget to take out his garbage or recycling,,no
Does he forget to pay his taxes, no in fact he goes in person to pay it.
Does he forget to feed the stray cats no
Does he forget to watch his favorite baseball team no
Does he forget anyone's name no.
Does he forget who anyone is, no.
(snip).
I am not saying that your father is not doing those things but you live 1,400 miles away, how do you know that he IS doing those things?
I'll give one example, I've had friends and co-workers who lived far away and were "absolutely sure" that their elderly parents were eating healthy (because that is what the parents said on the phone) but when they visited and saw them in person they realized that the parents had lost a significant amount of weight/looked unhealthy/had very few empty containers, bottles and cans in the weekly garbage-recycling/had empty cupboards & refrigerator/etc. In one case, the adult children had no idea that their mother had stopped eating well until the doctor called them concerned about her huge weight loss.
How in the world would you know that your father takes out his garbage and recycling every week? Heck, I'm 66 years old and forgot to take out my garbage the last two weeks in a row (I usually only have one small bag of garbage a week so it doesn't matter very much). My son is 2,000 miles away there is no way in heck that he would know that I missed garbage day.
Yes, your father may be totally sharp now, but please periodically visit him so that you can see his situation with your own eyes.
Good luck.
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-16-2018 at 09:59 AM..
I am not saying that your father is not doing those things but you live 1,400 miles away, how do you know that he IS doing those things?
I'll give one example, I've had friends and co-workers who lived far away and were "absolutely sure" that their elderly parents were eating healthy (because that is what the parents said on the phone) but when they visited and saw them in person they realized that the parents had lost a significant amount of weight/looked unhealthy/had very few empty containers, bottles and cans in the weekly garbage/had empty cupboards & refrigerator/etc.
How in the world would you know that your father takes out his garbage and recycling every week? Heck, I'm 66 years old and forgot to take out my garbage the last two weeks in a row. My son is 2,000 miles away there is no way in heck that he would know that.
Yes, your father may be totally sharp now, but please periodically visit him so that you can see his situation with your own eyes.
He tells me these things, he talks about paying bills or his cable bill being too high, or he had to go to city hall and the parking situation there, or his water bill and how it's every 3 months and I talked about my bill. He just mentioned about recycling and how they come every 2 weeks but his bin is never full but he puts it out anyway. These are things he talks about. Do I know he's paying his bills, does he know I'm paying mine? How do you know anything if you don't see it?
Do I know he moves his car, yes he tells me about it. These are things that are parts of out conversations and they come up every month. He talks about how bad parking is when the teachers take all the parking since the block he's on has a school at the end. He mentions what's on sale, current gas prices, going to Cotco, etc.
He has a family friend that he visits with often, my sister was just over there last month, my aunt and uncle talk to him on the phone, he emails with his grand nephew that lives in a foreign country, If anyone had any hints if problems they would have let me know.
So if you forgot to take out your garbage 2 weeks in a row you must have Alzheimers according to the people here go get checked today.
He says he does fall asleep a lot during the day on the couch. I'm sure part of it is loneliness and boredom, not much I can do about that. I live 1400 miles away. I call him every day.
Why every day? That sounds like you somehow feel the need to keep tabs on him which lends credence that he may be having some cognitive issues.
If not, then try calling every other day or a couple times a week - less stress for the both of you and it gives you more chance to have something new to talk about!
Why every day? That sounds like you somehow feel the need to keep tabs on him which lends credence that he may be having some cognitive issues.
If not, then try calling every other day or a couple times a week - less stress for the both of you and it gives you more chance to have something new to talk about!
It's as a courtesy I want him to know that I am okay and I want to know he is okay. I understand how that would be foreign to people who do not care about their parents.
Plus how would I go about that since I've been calling home to say hello to my mother every day since I moved out of my house and I have called them every day since I moved to Florida. My mother has passed away but I still call my father every day. the only time I was not able to call them was when I was on vacation one time in the Bahamas and it was like $10 a minute, and I still did buy a local card to make a call to let them know i could not call the rest of the time.
Do I tell him he's boring me and I will put him on punishment and call him every other day, that's an absurd suggestion.
Some people speak to their parents several times a day. I find it strange that you find it odd that I call to see if he's okay. It has noting to do with his cognitive skills, but thanks for your diagnosis.
When he starts to ask if my dogs are in kindergarten I will worry more. For now I will ignore it.
I'm thinking if he does it again to say yes the first time, yes, yes the second time, yes yes of course the third time etc, to see if he realizes it's a lack of listening problem. He also doesn't ask any other question twice, like sometime he will ask how my car is doing. He doesn't mention anything he does twice either like when he talks about feeding the stray cats. I wished I had not said anything, especially 2 days before father's day.
It could be the very start of mild dementia, he is in his early 80s, but we were talking about his brother and sister in law who moved to Florida and how some of his old friends from Miami had gone up to visit them in the Tampa area. So he's not forgetting names or bills or things that happened.
My mother has ADVANCED dementia and she hasn't forgotten a single name of a relative, and can talk about many things from the past with no problem at all.
Look, frankly I think you're being closed minded about the possibility of some form of dementia. It would be perfectly predictable for him at his age to have some form of dementia beginning. All anyone is saying to you is BE AWARE that this may be a possibility and you seem to be refusing to even consider this possibility.
I have found with dementia that many latent tendencies within the person's personality often come to the forefront. Yes, he may not be a good listener - but it may be dementia that is stripping away his veneer of appropriate behavior (which we all have).
You don't know us, so you would not know, actually my sister is just like him, and I took after my mother who was calm. My sister doesn't even answer the phone or return calls from him or anyone else. That's what it is just repeating himself, it's the people here who have diagnosed him with alzheimers that are wacky.
Alzheimer's is just one form of dementia - there are many variations and many levels of severity, or lack of severity. There are different paces of progression, sometimes no progression, sometimes different causes. I would suggest learning more about these since your dad is elderly and frankly, things aren't going to get any better with him.
I don't have the same thoughts or suspicions or I would have posted them. It seems many people now are amazed when a person who is in their 80s or above is with it and intelligent and has no signs of memory loss, when we really shouldn't be. I'm using it as a soundboard for my frustrations. I am going to have to let it go and bite my tongue with him as I have my whole life. If I do see any signs of memory loss I will report it here so the experts here can diagnose him from their computer screens.
Tsk tsk.
Look, what many people here (myself included) are saying to you is that repeating the same question four times in ten minutes IS OFTEN AN EARLY SIGN OF DEMENTIA. Not always, and not necessarily ALZHEIMER'S but it is often an early sign of dementia, so you should pay attention to that red flag. Period.
Alzheimer's is just one form of dementia - there are many variations and many levels of severity, or lack of severity. There are different paces of progression, sometimes no progression, sometimes different causes. I would suggest learning more about these since your dad is elderly and frankly, things aren't going to get any better with him.
Actually it may get better. I spoke to him today for a minute. He didn't forget the call yesterday. Maybe he will focus on listening better and if he has any early forms of dementia this may help him or make him aware of it.
My mother has ADVANCED dementia and she hasn't forgotten a single name of a relative, and can talk about many things from the past with no problem at all.
Look, frankly I think you're being closed minded about the possibility of some form of dementia. It would be perfectly predictable for him at his age to have some form of dementia beginning. All anyone is saying to you is BE AWARE that this may be a possibility and you seem to be refusing to even consider this possibility.
I have found with dementia that many latent tendencies within the person's personality often come to the forefront. Yes, he may not be a good listener - but it may be dementia that is stripping away his veneer of appropriate behavior (which we all have).
So what are her symptoms, how advanced is it? I'm guessing she just has short term memory loss because you fail to mention anything about it. I' m not saying he has or doesn't have any memory problems, I just have not seen any besides him not listening to the response of the question he asked.
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For now I will ignore it.
