New York State Senior -- Abandoned (child, father, relative, Medicaid)

[joyeaux]

Never thought I'd be here asking advice but CD is a start ...

I'm looking for any anecdotal or factual knowledge of (New York) state policies on elder care of an "alone" or independent person's care. He is 90, relatively -almost- mentally capable. He has been alienated for decades from his children & we only know the address of a 61 year old son. That son is 3000 miles away & does not want any involvement with his father.
That leaves me & my brother as the default caretakers of an old "family friend." We helped him sell his house & physically moved him into an assisted living facility that he praises. He can afford it for the next 4 years & then ... Medicaid will be sought. We took not a penny to do so, just our travel expenses.
Problem is my brother who has power of attorney just can't continue with the responsibility anymore (for his own reasons). If it meant just paying bills, that would be fine. But there are calls in the night (from 600 miles away) asking if the facility should take our friend to a hospital. Or sometimes, they are just informing of a medical emergency. And all the funding/banking sources are almost annually looking for "status" confirms. Believe it or not, my brother "doesn't do computers" -- he's a Luddite, or just dumb, if you ask me. So that frustration confounds answering the requests for confirms & has caused pension & SS checks to be disrupted over the last 4 years.
Me? I'm in stage 3.5 cancer treatment & blessed to have a wonderful support system. Me taking on the power of attorney is out -- our friend has already (paranoid) accused me of being a gold-digger. He sees all women as such & hates my business acumen -- cause I'm a "big ballsy business woman." I dismiss this as generational baloney. Enough said.
So anyone know if we were to abandoned our (my brother's) power of attorney, who gets it?
What does becoming a "ward of the state" entail?

Of course, I'll be googling elder care law & organizations in NY. But do any of you have any personal experience in this delicate & painful reality? Any specific agency to look into?

I think I'm going to post this in the Retirement forum as well.
Thanks for reading.

[NSHL10]

Is there a social worker at his assisted living facility that could be helpful?

[Spottednikes]

Look up the state council on aging, or eler advocates.

[joyeaux]

Thank you both -- excellent start!