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Old 09-23-2018, 09:18 PM
 
21,108 posts, read 13,405,215 times
Reputation: 19717

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Quote:
Originally Posted by skaternum View Post
Why do you post here, jencam? This is a serious question. Do you really just want to vent? Or is there an actual question or issue you want help with? It seems to be the former, because you just won't listen to the advice people here are giving here. At the macro level, we all know you need to step back and stop enabling your brother and stop letting him wind you up. At the micro level, on this issue, you really need to force him to buy out your half of the house and just leave it to him.

If you just want to vent, may we suggest the Adventures In Caregiving thread or a blog? Just don't understand why you post the same story, different details here without any resolution.
I'm terribly sorry that the situation is not resolving to your satisfaction. It isn't to mine either. Who is this 'we' that is suggesting I confine my posting to the Chat thread? So what if I am doing some venting? We've entered a new chapter of this saga and it's hard and painful.

Last edited by jencam; 09-23-2018 at 09:29 PM..
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Old 09-23-2018, 09:44 PM
 
21,108 posts, read 13,405,215 times
Reputation: 19717
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
Yes, I do "get" the nuances, the enabling, and all of it. I agree that he needs to handle whatever is going on INSIDE the house with pest control etc. However, the outside yard (which is now mowed apparently) became a public nuisance. Why should the neighbors have to put up with an overgrown lawn -- and not just the appearance but the pests etc that come with it) while you are in a "standoff" with your brother?



Everyone who has their house exterior in disrepair has a "story." Your family is no different. Don't make others suffer for that.



That's all I was saying.
I understand where you are coming from.
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Old 09-24-2018, 12:56 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
6,895 posts, read 5,792,091 times
Reputation: 23410
Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
Well, I have to worry about the yard. Technically the house is half mine.
Is there some compelling reason not to just sell him your half of the house and get clear of the situation altogether?
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Old 09-24-2018, 02:37 AM
 
21,108 posts, read 13,405,215 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
Is there some compelling reason not to just sell him your half of the house and get clear of the situation altogether?
Why would he want to buy me out? He has a life estate.
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Old 09-24-2018, 05:52 AM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,071,093 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
Why would he want to buy me out? He has a life estate.
How does that work? You said the house was left by your mother to both of you?

Deed him your half....and walk away from this mess. Because the house is likely losing all value as you describe his inability to do basic maintenance. It will eventually cost you to repair it enough to even sell it at a loss at this rate.

If you wan't do that.....Why not simply move into this house that you own part of....?? You could at least protect your investment.

Last edited by JanND; 09-24-2018 at 05:55 AM.. Reason: text edit
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Old 09-24-2018, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
13,623 posts, read 12,239,521 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
How does that work? You said the house was left by your mother to both of you?

Deed him your half....and walk away from this mess. Because the house is likely losing all value as you describe his inability to do basic maintenance. It will eventually cost you to repair it enough to even sell it at a loss at this rate.

If you wan't do that.....Why not simply move into this house that you own part of....?? You could at least protect your investment.
A life estate basically means that one is allowed to live there until they die, although they may or may not have complete (or any) ownership. An easy example would be a couple marries later in life. Though the husband owned the home and is leaving it to his children, he doesn't want his wife to be forced out of the marital home.

So he could leave it to his children, with his second wife having a life estate. Then, when she leaves, or passes, the kids can sell the place.
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Old 09-24-2018, 11:44 AM
 
2,509 posts, read 2,468,360 times
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How much is this house worth?

Unless it's millions of dollars, I would sign it over to him and be done with the whole matter
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Old 09-24-2018, 12:22 PM
 
3,500 posts, read 6,137,648 times
Reputation: 10023
Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
I'm terribly sorry that the situation is not resolving to your satisfaction. It isn't to mine either. Who is this 'we' that is suggesting I confine my posting to the Chat thread? So what if I am doing some venting? We've entered a new chapter of this saga and it's hard and painful.
Everyone who reads this forum knows that it's hard and painful, and feels badly for you. But honestly, jencam, you really COULD disengage more from this. Take a page out of Katherine's book -- learn to put up some boundaries and stop participating in the dysfunction. You will be so much happier if you do this.

The chat thread is the perfect place for you to post. You aren't really asking for any help. You aren't indicating any change in your approach to the situation. I would argue that the situation itself hasn't even changed and isn't changing. Your brother says or does something. You react to it. You get yourself worked up over it. The only variable is what your brother says or does, and it doesn't even matter what it is. He is clearly irrational, so stop trying to deal with it rationally. Protect YOURSELF.

"We" is every person on here who watches you repeat the same viscious cycle time after time. The multitide of people who recognize the fact that you deal poorly with the situation each and every time. The people who know it's the same old story each time we see it.
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Old 09-24-2018, 01:43 PM
 
Location: SW US
2,834 posts, read 3,156,803 times
Reputation: 5330
Maybe Jencam actually cares about her brother and is having a hard time figuring out how to deal with all the problems he causes. Walking away may not be something she wants to do, because he's her brother and she doesn't think that's right?
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Old 09-24-2018, 03:12 PM
 
21,108 posts, read 13,405,215 times
Reputation: 19717
Quote:
Originally Posted by skaternum View Post
Everyone who reads this forum knows that it's hard and painful, and feels badly for you. But honestly, jencam, you really COULD disengage more from this. Take a page out of Katherine's book -- learn to put up some boundaries and stop participating in the dysfunction. You will be so much happier if you do this.

The chat thread is the perfect place for you to post. You aren't really asking for any help. You aren't indicating any change in your approach to the situation. I would argue that the situation itself hasn't even changed and isn't changing. Your brother says or does something. You react to it. You get yourself worked up over it. The only variable is what your brother says or does, and it doesn't even matter what it is. He is clearly irrational, so stop trying to deal with it rationally. Protect YOURSELF.

"We" is every person on here who watches you repeat the same viscious cycle time after time. The multitide of people who recognize the fact that you deal poorly with the situation each and every time. The people who know it's the same old story each time we see it.
Well, I was helped by this thread and that is the point. I do not need to explain myself to you but just for accuracy, I did dis-engage for a long time and didn't post for a long time, since me posting seems to be an issue for you. You can go back and look that I didn't come to ask anything or vent or anything else until 8/08 of this year when things took a TURN.

I don't feel that I am dealing poorly with this turn, but you are entitled to your opinion.
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