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Professional mediators deal with divergent oppositional people all the time. They get it. They take NO side which helps. They can find common ground, get grudging consensus, keep everyone focused on the essential task at hand (POA, arranging care, etc) while keeping emotions out of it. There are some aspects that everyone probably does agree with but they may feel too pressured by someone else to admit it. Even if all involved don't actually end up agreeing on everything just going through a process with one can help a lot. If someone refuses to be constructive that falls on them, not everyone else. The rest of the group can work on what is needed. The people who do stay involved can decide if guardianship is actually the best option and maybe select who that is. Or, set up the POA, parcel out tasks (so it doesn't fall on one person...often that's the biggest concern). Perhaps a geriatric case worker/social worker could connect you with one.
Unfortunately for legal reasons, I now feel sure that my mother needs a guardian. Without her dementia or nursing home I think we could have limped along.
Professional mediators deal with divergent oppositional people all the time. They get it. They take NO side which helps. They can find common ground, get grudging consensus, keep everyone focused on the essential task at hand (POA, arranging care, etc) while keeping emotions out of it. There are some aspects that everyone probably does agree with but they may feel too pressured by someone else to admit it. Even if all involved don't actually end up agreeing on everything just going through a process with one can help a lot. If someone refuses to be constructive that falls on them, not everyone else. The rest of the group can work on what is needed. The people who do stay involved can decide if guardianship is actually the best option and maybe select who that is. Or, set up the POA, parcel out tasks (so it doesn't fall on one person...often that's the biggest concern). Perhaps a geriatric case worker/social worker could connect you with one.
If Mom has dementia, she can't and shouldn't sign any POAs.
But that doesn't mean that the rest of the family can't come together via a neutral professional mediator. I do think this needs to happen.
Unfortunately for legal reasons, I now feel sure that my mother needs a guardian. Without her dementia or nursing home I think we could have limped along.
Guardianship laws vary from state to state and its easier in some places than in others. If you seriously considering it, I would suggest you pay for a consultation with a lawyer who specializes in wills, trusts, and elder law. You can get an idea how much it will cost and whether it is worth trying to do it.
Appointing a third party guardian may be difficult. I'm trying to imagine situations. The siblings may fight to have themselves appointed and the court would have to decide between them and the third party attorney. There is also the question of compensation for the attorney/guardian as well as the attorney filing the petition for guardianship. It is not likely to be a cheap process. If the siblings cannot agree, there will have to be a hearing in court. Most judges will not let the fact that everyone cannot agree stop them from doing what is correct. However, I have also dealt with judges who just cannot accept that an entire family is not in agreement and will refuse to make a ruling without several hearings taking place. It can be thorny.
The situations which are usually the hardest are the ones involving large families with lots of children. Typically, all want a say in what happens to "Mom". However, many don't want to pay any money or do any work. They expect someone else to do it for them.
Even if the siblings agreed, I think there will have to be a court hearing. Someone has to petition the court and then others can disagree, I believe.
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