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As I understand it, the OP is down in the dumps because her MIL is planted at her kitchen table, and she can't get her out of the house, not for an afternoon at the local senior center let alone a lengthy visit with one of the other kids.
Mercifully, the MIL has ceased making nasty cracks about the OP. Always a plus. But her constant jabbering is wearing on the OP's last nerve.
Due to health issues, the OP is unable to get out of the house to work at a job, and she wants to set a good example for her children about being kind to an elderly parent. She is looking for a way to cope with what could well be years and years of her MIL jabbering away.
Suggestions have ranged from wearing earphones and building a yard structure to hang out in to issuing ultimatums.
As I understand it, the OP is down in the dumps because her MIL is planted at her kitchen table, and she can't get her out of the house, not for an afternoon at the local senior center let alone a lengthy visit with one of the other kids.
Mercifully, the MIL has ceased making nasty cracks about the OP. Always a plus. But her constant jabbering is wearing on the OP's last nerve.
Due to health issues, the OP is unable to get out of the house to work at a job, and she wants to set a good example for her children about being kind to an elderly parent. She is looking for a way to cope with what could well be years and years of her MIL jabbering away.
Suggestions have ranged from wearing earphones and building a yard structure to hang out in to issuing ultimatums.
Does that about cover it?
Yes, and that OP is kind of a loner by nature, and can’t get any solitude or time alone at home.
MIL could stay in her bedroom and watch TV, read, crochet, .... She could go to the senior center and visit with others her age. She could visit her other children.
Alas, she refuses to do any of that and why would she? Life is quite comfortable the way it is.
Unfortunately, the dear lady has a strong need for social interaction and it plays out in constant jabbering.
Perhaps recognizing and helping her meet her need for social interaction would also help the OP cope.
Maybe find several others in the same situation and rotate homes?
Enroll the MIL in a day program for elders?
Find a neighbor who doesn't mind the constant jabbering, and pay to have her there for the day? Perhaps a stay at home mom who would appreciate the opportunity to make $50/day having the MIL sit at her table and jabber with the kids?
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 04-01-2019 at 07:14 AM..
You have my complete sympathy. I'm pretty outgoing but there is no one I want in my house for more than a day or two. Feel free to complain, your situation is terrible.
My only advice would be to escort her to Vegas, have your husband go on the plane with her and leave her with one of his siblings. He needs to tell her she's going and make the plane reservations. She may not like it there as much she likes living with you but you need a break. What you need is just as important as what she wants.
I agree. You shouldn't have to be unhappy in your own home for your MIL.
I'd talk to your spouse about this and make sure he knows it's a big problem for you.
Then from that perspective, it's "Okay, so what can we do about this?"
At least a few months break while she goes somewhere else... or tell her it's important that she go visit people that it's not healthy to be in the house all the time, she needs to get out and be with other people sometimes.
Yes it's hard to do it... but what's the alternative? Continue to be miserable in your own home?
I agree. You shouldn't have to be unhappy in your own home for your MIL.
I'd talk to your spouse about this and make sure he knows it's a big problem for you.
Then from that perspective, it's "Okay, so what can we do about this?"
At least a few months break while she goes somewhere else... or tell her it's important that she go visit people that it's not healthy to be in the house all the time, she needs to get out and be with other people sometimes.
Yes it's hard to do it... but what's the alternative? Continue to be miserable in your own home?
That's exactly the alternative that is likely to happen.
Unable to get a moment's peace and quiet in her own own home, the OP will end up hiding in her bedroom while her MIL sits at the kitchen table, waiting to pounce on her when she comes out.
She's 92. It won't last long. She will need more care at some point. It can't be you, obviously. You and your husband will need to arrange some sort of care for her, either in-home (which would free you up), or institutional, which will be heartbreaking to your husband, but may be necessary, depending on the level of care she needs and the kind of help that is available.
If you can clean house, you can leave the house to go on a walk every day to clear your head, can't you? It'd be good for stress, as would exercising generally. A release. A calmness. Yoga is great for older people because it encourages balance and flexibility. If not every day, then a couple of times a week, go to a pretty nearby park and walk and spend time around nature for a while.
I can understand why she doesn't want to travel at her age. It's just not feasible, I think.
I can imagine that is very irritating to have her sitting at your kitchen table and elsewhere, while you're puttering around the house. I cherish privacy, too.
But I hope you can find a way to deal with it. Imagine that one day it may well be you sitting in someone's kitchen because you can't live on your own. Will it be your husband's kids? Your kids? What kind of reception do you expect, if that happens? Will you insist on traveling around the country to stay with a kid here, a kid there? Will you insist on going to a nursing home, rather than impose? I hope you can find a way to get yourself some privacy, so that you can treat her the way that you are going to want to be treated,when it's your turn. We all will get feeble as we age.
Obviously we all have varying ideas as to what the OP should do. We don't know what the Op's disability is; whether it is physical or mental. I'm not sure that matters. We don't, however, have any input from the OP's MIL or her husband. MIL might say she spends an hour in the kitchen in the morning and an hour and a half at lunch and one hour before dinner, and that the majority of the day she is elsewhere in the house. It could just feel all day to the OP. OP has also never said whether or not the grandchildren like the MIL.
We don't have the backstory on how well the OP and her MIL got along all the years before she moved in. Was she the Mother-in-law from hell, or did she help watch the children when they were little or do other things in an attempt to be helpful. If she was a decent person in the previous years it seems a shame to be trying to just shunt her aside. If she was always self-centered and difficult OP's husband needs to step up and deal with it. And if the MIL has started to have any issues with dementia, however slight, that adds another layer to the situation.
And don't get me wrong, I'm quite sympathetic to OP's plight. I can understand her wanting to have the day to herself in her own home.
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