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Well not really a wife more a 25 year girlfriend. They live together but it's a strange dinamic. She's 84 and very alert and mobile. She nags him endlessly but he still wants to live there. I wouldn't be surprised if he has to leave when he gets really ill though. So far she's not comprehending how bad he is. Not sure what to do if that happens I just have a small 2 story condo with the bathroom upstairs and he's not supposed to climb stairs . I've been thinking of assisted living but worried he's too ill to qualify. Right now just taking it day by day
You know, my mom spent her last weeks in a LTC and she had a private room and it wasn’t like what others have described at all. She did get some rehab through Medicare for awhile.
It was not paradise, but it was pleasant and the caregivers seemed conscientious.
OP, you are entering a difficult phase in your life, and there probably are no perfect solutions. If your father moves in with you, you might consider temporarily converting one of the downstairs rooms to his bedroom and getting a bedside commode. Hospice can help you get a lot of the equipment (often rented & Medicare pays). Hospice will also send someone to give him bed baths if he can't get to a shower.
It's rough going through this, but more and more of us in the boomer generation are facing caring for our parents. So at least you have a lot of company.
OP, you are entering a difficult phase in your life, and there probably are no perfect solutions. If your father moves in with you, you might consider temporarily converting one of the downstairs rooms to his bedroom and getting a bedside commode. Hospice can help you get a lot of the equipment (often rented & Medicare pays). Hospice will also send someone to give him bed baths if he can't get to a shower.
It's rough going through this, but more and more of us in the boomer generation are facing caring for our parents. So at least you have a lot of company.
Yea I might need to get a hospital bed in my place and figure it out. His gf recently told me that he hasn't wanted to take a shower in a week! I was very surprised because he doesn't smell bad. I bought him some washcloths so hopefully he'll use them. I guess not bothering about hygiene is a going downhill sign?? He also won't get a haircut. He is shaving though. I really appreciate the help and advice I'm getting on here. Thank you all
My mother had chronic heart failure, Afib and COPD. She broke her hip. Her cardiologist said she might die during surgery. She recovered from her surgery and broken hip. However, it was the beginning of a six month period to her life's end.
She was in an assisted living facility. There are different levels of care in each one. She had more intensive care. I wouldn't right off assisted living facilities until you meet with them. More information can only help!
If you work, you'll have to hire someone (or have social security pay) for every minute you are out of the house. It is sooo stressful.
Visited dad this morning. He's doing really poorly. Took him to Starbucks and my shop and he promptly fell asleep at his desk then wanted to go home. He's very weak and tired and coughing a lot. I have to get hospice going but I'm not sure he's even going to survive the week. Right now I'm doing whatever he wants and letting him eat whatever he wants. I hope he passes quickly and dosn't suffer long. We're supposed to go to the cardiologist tomorrow but they cancelled appt till thurs and are not returning my calls yet.
I'm sorry he's not doing well - you are right to do whatever he wants and let him enjoy the small pleasures left to him.
Too bad his appointment got postponed. If you reach them tomorrow, let them know about the coughing - pneumonia is not uncommon in situations like his. Is he taking any cough medicine? Coughing can be exhausting in itself - perhaps an expectorant/suppressant might help him be more comfortable.
Best wishes to you and your dad and the rest of your family.
I'm sorry he's not doing well - you are right to do whatever he wants and let him enjoy the small pleasures left to him.
Too bad his appointment got postponed. If you reach them tomorrow, let them know about the coughing - pneumonia is not uncommon in situations like his. Is he taking any cough medicine? Coughing can be exhausting in itself - perhaps an expectorant/suppressant might help him be more comfortable.
Best wishes to you and your dad and the rest of your family.
Coughing is part of CHF. Their lungs fill with fluid because nothing's circulating. His nose is constantly draining pink fluid. That's a sign too.
We have a appointment with the cardiologist next Tues to go over results of a echo cardiogram. Unless he gets full on dementia and won't know the difference I'm trying my best to avoid hospice. My mom died of cancer at home so I know what that entails so prepared. Thanks for the condolences. He's 91 so I've prepared myself for this day so am ok. He's had a great life too.
I'm so sorry. You're right, though. At 91, he's had a long run. We should all have that gift. I hope the appointment with the cardiologist answers all your questions. You've already lost your mom so I can understand how awful this feels. After losing one parent, you kind of want to hang onto the other one for the rest of your life. Wish life was like that. <sigh>
Please come back and share an update how things went with the appointment. I hope the doctor can give you both good news.
Visited dad this morning. He's doing really poorly. Took him to Starbucks and my shop and he promptly fell asleep at his desk then wanted to go home. He's very weak and tired and coughing a lot. I have to get hospice going but I'm not sure he's even going to survive the week. Right now I'm doing whatever he wants and letting him eat whatever he wants. I hope he passes quickly and dosn't suffer long. We're supposed to go to the cardiologist tomorrow but they cancelled appt till thurs and are not returning my calls yet.
Yes, call Hospice! If he is in distress with his breathing difficulties, they will prescribe an inhaler and/or oxygen.
My personal rule with both my husband and my mom was : Once you hit 80 y.o. you get to eat whatever you want, whenever you want it.
Visited dad this morning. He's doing really poorly. Took him to Starbucks and my shop and he promptly fell asleep at his desk then wanted to go home. He's very weak and tired and coughing a lot. I have to get hospice going but I'm not sure he's even going to survive the week. Right now I'm doing whatever he wants and letting him eat whatever he wants. I hope he passes quickly and dosn't suffer long. We're supposed to go to the cardiologist tomorrow but they cancelled appt till thurs and are not returning my calls yet.
If he is coughing and getting a lot of CHF symptoms, he may have some swallowing problems and actually aspirating. Was he put on any thickened liquids in the hospital? Does he cough when he's drinking or right after? If so, get a swallow study done.
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