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We went through this about 1.5 yrs ago with my mother in law. She was a Type 2 diabetic (who didn't take it seriously at all for years) and had pretty advanced Kidney failure which resulted in constant anemia. It took a while for her to even get the correct diagnosis and to begin dialysis. She was on it (3 days a week) for almost 4 yrs. She was in her late 60s when she died but 6 mths before she started suffering small strokes so she couldn't talk or swallow/eat right. She was then put in a really crappy nursing home because she had fallen and broken her ankle and that didn't help. Ultimately I had to convince my husband to talk to her and his dad about why she was continuing dialysis as it wasn't really helping her live a fulfilling life...she was merely existing...couldn't walk (she was wheelchair bound), could barely speak/eat etc. She eventually stopped it and died about 3 wks later at home. It wasn't an easy decision by any means.
My father had lymphoma, and at some point he was in the hospital with kidney failure (he was in another state, and we were not close.) They wanted to put him on dialysis, but he refused. He died 3 days later. He had suffered enough with the cancer, and I guess he just decided he was done. I am glad he was able to make his own decision on how he wanted to go.
OP, just a comment, based on my experience. Dying at home with hospice can be great, or it can be awful. It really depends on what level of support your local hospice can provide. Some hospice programs provide a LOT of hands on care and frequent visits. Other hospice programs provide nothing more than equipment, a weekly visit from a nurse, and CNA help 2-3 times a week. That is not exactly useful when the caregiver is alone and old and frail herself. And having a loved one die at home, in your house, can be traumatizing.
In short, I fully support moving your dad to an inpatient hospice facility, if he chooses to stop dialysis. Your family will choose what's best for you. Don't let anyone try to guilt you into doing more than you're prepared to do.
OP, just a comment, based on my experience. Dying at home with hospice can be great, or it can be awful. It really depends on what level of support your local hospice can provide. Some hospice programs provide a LOT of hands on care and frequent visits. Other hospice programs provide nothing more than equipment, a weekly visit from a nurse, and CNA help 2-3 times a week. That is not exactly useful when the caregiver is alone and old and frail herself. And having a loved one die at home, in your house, can be traumatizing.
In short, I fully support moving your dad to an inpatient hospice facility, if he chooses to stop dialysis. Your family will choose what's best for you. Don't let anyone try to guilt you into doing more than you're prepared to do.
Thanks, I really appreciate that. Hopefully I am past the “guilt pressure”. I sure hope so anyway.
OP, just a comment, based on my experience. Dying at home with hospice can be great, or it can be awful. It really depends on what level of support your local hospice can provide. Some hospice programs provide a LOT of hands on care and frequent visits. Other hospice programs provide nothing more than equipment, a weekly visit from a nurse, and CNA help 2-3 times a week. That is not exactly useful when the caregiver is alone and old and frail herself. And having a loved one die at home, in your house, can be traumatizing.
In short, I fully support moving your dad to an inpatient hospice facility, if he chooses to stop dialysis. Your family will choose what's best for you. Don't let anyone try to guilt you into doing more than you're prepared to do.
I fully agree with this ^ ^ ^.
There is also nobody to help during the night and most of the hours of the day. As people become weaker, falling is a real hazard. Sometimes an environment with professional 24 hour care during this difficult time is the responsible and most comforting choice to make for everyone involved.
Dying of renal failure is a very easy death. You just become unconscious from uremia, and die.
Yes. Someone with kidney failure has the unique option of deciding when to end their life and with little or no pain. My father's doctor told my brother and me that if Dad stopped dialysis, he would start to fade and die within a few days with little discomfort. He died peacefully at home within a week of stopping dialysis. I hope that my departure will be as graceful and dignified.
My father chose to stop dialysis shortly after his kidneys failed following a triple bypass operation. I was upset at first, but gradually accepted his decision. (What choice did I have anyway?) He was transferred to a wonderful inpatient hospice, and our family was able to spend a week or so with him before he died. I'm so grateful we had that time with him to reminisce, express our love, and say our goodbyes. His death was peaceful, although he began to have difficulty breathing the last couple days.
It sounds strange, but embrace this time... it's part of the cycle of life.
My 83 yo dad was put on dialysis after open heart surgery. Three months later, after one problem on top of another, he was in the hospital and the hospice option was presented.
The family talk consisted of me (an only child), my mom, my wife and his doc. He agreed to hospice and the doc said they won't do dialysis so you must agree to stop it. He agreed.
The admission nurse at the hospice house said people usually die about five days after stopping dialysis. Dad's last dialysis was on Friday and he died peacefully the following Wednesday-five days later.
Oh wow!! I don't know what to say. Can you stop payment somehow!?? Your mom must be beside herself. I had a feeling he wouldn't go through with the natural death. His type rarely do. What can you do though.??.. maybe get financial POA and take over all the accounts??? I feel so bad for you
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