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It's such an individual thing. But I'd think if someone's mind is sharp enought to judgd complex telescope designs, it should also be sharp enough to decide and communicate the owner's end of life wishes to his caregivers.
I suspect poster meant he was a judge before dementia took hold.
It's not even always about dementia. My grandmother at 97 broke her hip and had surgery, so she was in the hospital. She had some mild dementia, not severe or late-stage at all, but she stopped eating. My dad could not handle this. He was so upset at the very idea that she was "starving," and he spent hours by her bed trying to get her to eat spoonfuls of ice cream or something else tempting, none of which she wanted. It seemed to me that her body had just had enough and was shutting down, and at age 97, why would you try to fight that? Let nature take its course. But to my dad, not trying to keep feeding her would have felt like he was participating in killing her. People feel very differently about things like that.
I really, really wish there was some sort of death with dignity in our society.
A person should be able to decide for themselves when enough is enough. If you are a drag on yourself, with no quality of life, and probably negatively affecting others or draining society for the last few months of misery----you should be able to check out and be honored for that.
I've seen it in sci-fi movies and in some other cultures. We treat our pets better than ourselves.
Yes, there's "Dignitas" in Switzerland, but it is very expensive and complicated, involving doctor's testimonies and endless paperwork. Still.....
My mother wanted to go the last 3 years of her life, which was a huge negative impact on my caregiver sister's life. No one wants that...
I'm on another site about caregiving for Dementia patients and I honestly don't understand the lengths people will go through to extend the lifespan of their loved ones when the loved ones are clearly suffering, can't communicate or use the restroom or even eat at some point. Why all the discussions about how to sneak medication or food into someone whose life has very little quality? I see my mom's deterioration and I think about if I were in that state, I would NOT want to keep going. I guess people do it out of love, but for me, it would be absolute torture to just be "maintained" on this earth. I truly don't understand the mentality. I feel like we are more loving with our pets, that we know when they are suffering and can let them go. But with humans, we think it's some duty to extend life as much as possible even in a sub-human state that will only get worse and worse.
This is why MrsM and I both have Health Care Power of Attorneys within our Family Trust
We know what each other wants and, as important, our kids, all doctors and attorney know exactly what each of us want.
I had a long talk with a friend last night. He has incurable cancer and has decided that he does not want chemo tot slow it down. He made the decision that he does not want the side effects of chemo. He wants what ever time he has left to be quality not quantity, of life.
Is he and his family happy with the decision, no. But they all understand and want him to be able to enjoy his remaining time as much as possible
I think some family members do it because they can't bear to let go. They can't bear the idea of saying "goodbye," so they hold as long as they can.
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I understand what you are saying, but I don't know how some people would rather see their loved one in such a horrible state than to die peacefully.
My father suffered a traumatic brain injury, and although it wasn't dementia, it was still horrible. He didn't have a clue what was going on or why he was in the hospital. It was pure hell watching him suffer and fight with everyone who tried to care for him. When he finally passed, I was relieved. I knew he was finally at peace.
I understand what you are saying, but I don't know how some people would rather see their loved one in such a horrible state than to die peacefully.
My father suffered a traumatic brain injury, and although it wasn't dementia, it was still horrible. He didn't have a clue what was going on or why he was in the hospital. It was pure hell watching him suffer and fight with everyone who tried to care for him. When he finally passed, I was relieved. I knew he was finally at peace.
I think that most families aren't going to prolong a dementia patient's life with feeding tubes, CPR or anything so extreme. But if I'm sitting next to a parent, or anyone else for that matter, who is fading away because they can't figure out how to get a sip of water, I'm going to try to help them get a sip of water. If they need medicine to ease their suffering whether it be physical or mental I'm going to try to make sure that they get that medicine. It's more or less palliative care.
I know this because I did this sort of thing for my dad when I visited him in his Alzheimer's unit. Did I prolong his life? Maybe by a little bit but, honestly, by the time they start to forget to drink their fluids it won't be long before they're forgetting how to swallow which oftentimes leads to aspiration which leads to pneumonia and ultimately death. Their bodies basically shut down as the disease destroys their brains. It's a horrible and tragic way to go. My dad was probably the last person on earth who would have wanted to go out that way but those were the cards he was dealt unfortunately.
My heart goes out to the families who are contending with this. It truly sucks.
The main reason I have been given against suicide or medically assisted death, is how it will impact the living.
In a world where everyone feels they have the given right to behave they want (disobey traffic laws, not wear masks, participate in unprotected sex, etc.) why should someone in pain respect the feelings of the living?
It's the same backwards logic used by right to lifers. Never medically end a pregnancy because the fetus is a life, but once the child is born there is no consideration for how it will be raised.
Sure let's keep all of our elderly citizens alive as long as medically possible, without regard to their wishes or levels of pain, but let someone else take care of them while they hang on in pain.
And if ending one's own life is a true decision, no matter why, who are the living to disregard those wishes?
Until the world changes, the only sure way to end your life is to put on a dark hoodie, get in your car and drive like a bat out of hell, and when pulled over make quick movements holding stick. You'll be dead in minutes. Or at least 9 minutes!
I'm on another site about caregiving for Dementia patients and I honestly don't understand the lengths people will go through to extend the lifespan of their loved ones when the loved ones are clearly suffering, can't communicate or use the restroom or even eat at some point. Why all the discussions about how to sneak medication or food into someone whose life has very little quality? I see my mom's deterioration and I think about if I were in that state, I would NOT want to keep going. I guess people do it out of love, but for me, it would be absolute torture to just be "maintained" on this earth. I truly don't understand the mentality. I feel like we are more loving with our pets, that we know when they are suffering and can let them go. But with humans, we think it's some duty to extend life as much as possible even in a sub-human state that will only get worse and worse.
You're asking me? I am the adult child of a parent who has refused to finish writing his living will for over 10 years. It happens all the time, and the adult child is left having to "guess" what the parent would have wanted when the parent is too debilitated or demented to meaningfully make their wishes known.
Don't be that one. Write your living will, and then your adult kids won't be stuck in this horrible spot.
You're asking me? I am the adult child of a parent who has refused to finish writing his living will for over 10 years. It happens all the time, and the adult child is left having to "guess" what the parent would have wanted when the parent is too debilitated or demented to meaningfully make their wishes known.
Don't be that one. Write your living will, and then your adult kids won't be stuck in this horrible spot.
Unfortunately, the documents may not be enough...sometimes medical personnel do let family override the individual's decision.
But yes, it is very hard - I had to give the go-ahead for both my mother and my sister. Once before for my sister I was asked and told them no, based on her most recent behaviors that she appeared to be "fighting"...but a few years later it was a different situation. Very hard and very sad.
I suspect poster meant he was a judge before dementia took hold.
No, he didn't have dementia. He had a brain tumor, but he was in really bad shape except for his mind.
It is a tough decision at the end of life, no matter what.
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