I think the best if not always realistic thing to do is if you know your kid has a disability and will need care in the adult years is to adopt a second younger child without a handicap, hopefully by adoption... raise that child up to believe in serving and helping the disabled sibling and have them become the new caregiver... this solves a few issues but also raises moral debates. Another very personal and sad idea is just to not let the pregnancy come to term
Should/is it fair to burden another with your kid? How can you be sure it will work out?
You will die before your kid, the idea behind this is hopefully the adopted brother/sister will outlive the disabled kid throughout his/her life so that state/group home living will hopefully not happen.
the state doesn't love your kid... they are going to sap everything finationally they can from him/her believe me I know... current I get $850 from SSA and must pay $821 to the county - this is outside of work money. a brother or sister raised properly however will NOT do this. A group home isn't always a good place to live... believe me I've heard stories from coworkers all of which live in group homes or assisted living- I work in a day program on an artist assistanceship. I earn about $110 a month at work. Note not all are bad, I live in a good one.
Things I had heard about the possible foreseeable future for the kid....
A woman had hot water used for cooking potatos poured her head and is taunted by a madwoman who lives with her/ a staff also strangled her
Another had CHF, coronary heart failure in mid to early fifties from salty cheap dinners a group home gave her, she has moved into better care, but even so she has had multiple heart emergencies, the average life expectancy for CHF is 6 months to a year after diagnosis. she also tried to run away after roommates scared her
A friend of mine was push down the stairs by a roommate, the roommate didn't get in trouble but she did, another time a roommate called her mom the b word and she threatened to kill her. the friend was blamed for it, she's on probation. a staff hit her once, she also had a staff that was into witchcraft
Most people/friends I know are on heavy meds and are more plump then usual for the human species of their age group. some have diabetes.