Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Caregiving
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-04-2007, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Finally made it to Florida and lovin' every minute!
22,677 posts, read 19,190,237 times
Reputation: 17596

Advertisements

Simplyaged, your post has brought back so many memories. Good and bad, but mostly good. The clothes thing - Granny did that, too.

The funniest thing, though. Watch your mother around those alarms. When we finally decided Granny needed to go to the nursing home, we discovered she had a hidden talent. Here was an 80-something year old woman who couldn't work a TV remote. Somehow, she managed to figure out what made the alarm on the door go off, so she would take off the tag that triggered it. The nursing home had a fix for that and put a permanent bracelet on her that she couldn't take off. Well, the sly old fox watched one of the nurses mess with the decoder, so the next time she decided to escape, didn't she manage to hit just the right keys that let her out! Absolutely amazing.

She loved the Weather CHannel. One night, I was walking down the hall and I could hear her distinctive voice, talking to someone. Knowing her roommate was unable to speak, I was curious to see who it was. I walked into the room, and there was Granny, watching TWC. I said hello and asked her who she'd been speaking to. "Oh, this young man right here. He is so good to me!" and she pointed to the meteorologist on tv.

Unfortunately, meanness comes out sometimes in an Alzheimer's patient. Granny ambushed Mom one time and try to beat her up with a pillow. She often accused people of stealing things from her and called the mayor of our town to report that somebody was stealing her SS checks.

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts. Hang in there, girl.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-04-2007, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Tompkins County
282 posts, read 1,260,885 times
Reputation: 228
nomoresnow~

Must be a Weather Channel thing! My Mom swore every day that Dave Swartz had coffee with her that morning. After she passed away, I wrote a letter to him thanking him for the coffee that he had with my Mom. I explained it to him in the letter. She just had a thing for him.

Simply~

There are soooooooo many things in your post that sound just like me and my Mom. I have to run out for a while, but I will get back to your post.
Hang in there!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2007, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Tampa Bay
489 posts, read 2,008,584 times
Reputation: 405
I feel like I want to post here even though I am not presently providing care or support to a parent with Alzheimer's and never did. My experience is much more distanced though I wish to share some things that I hope will help or be insightful. One year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I visited a local nursing home and told them that I wanted to "adopt" a couple of residents who never received any visitors because I would get them a Christmas gift and begin visiting regularly. One of the women that I "adopted" was an Alzheimer/dimentia patient. She and I had no history, and the staff could tell me very little about her; however, I learned a lot about Helen and what she was dealing with each passing week.

What I learned about this type of patient is that there seemed to be a part of her that knew that something wasn't quite right, and remembering things and being able to have a conversation was VERY IMPORTANT to her. When I would ask her something, she would smile and say "I don't know", but a painful silence followed and was accompanied by a troubled look on her face. I never knew from week to week whether I would be visiting Child Helen or Adult Helen, but I did learn how to adapt. Being creative - for the sake of their peace of mind and their comfort - is so very important.

Just as another poster said here above, they may not remember your name or think they remember you, but there did seem to be a recognition EVERYTIME I walked into Helen's room. Her face would light up but then she would act as though she didn't know me.

As time went on, I learned to roll with the punches, so to speak, (she wasn't mean or rude; you could say she was pleasantly confused), but you become very quick on your feet during conversation. If she said I just missed her mother, that her mother had been there, and that they had gone somewhere, I asked where and what they did that day and shared happiness with her about her mother having visited. When she would just suddenly ask where her husband was, I would tell her that he was at work. She would just smile and say "That's right." It wouldn't come up again during that visit. The next time I'd visit, she may ask if I saw her mother today, and I would ask her if she did, and if she said "No", I would tell her that I did, and that seemed to comfort her.

Helen was a terrible eater. For whatever reason, she just never ate from the tray that was given to her, and no one ever helped her with it. They would just drop it in front of her and then take if from her later when items hadn't even been opened. She was very thin and appeared weak so I started making a point of being there when I knew dinner would come, and I would feed her. After a couple of times of seeing her bad reaction to food (don't know if it was medication side effects, her taste buds, or what), I learned that she was highly suggestible . . . when the tray would arrive, I'd say "Helen, look, it's your favorite . . . you LOVE (insert whatever it was that day)", and she would light up and eat it. When she flat out refused - which wasn't often - I would ask the nursing assistant for a "shake", and they would bring back Ensure. Then I would tell Helen that as soon as she was finished with her "shake", I was going down the hall to get myself one because these were the best ones I had ever had, and how lucky were we that the ice cream man had come by that day?!

One day, while I was looking for a comb to run through her hair, I came across a couple of Christmas cards and a newsletter from a church. It saddened me that we were in the holidays, decorations everywhere throughout the nursing home, but no one had taken the time to open the cards for Helen and put them up on her bare corkboard. So, I quickly exclaimed "Helen! Look at all your Christmas cards! Would you like me to read them to you?" She looked so surprised and happy. So, I read each and every one of them out loud to her and decorated her corkboard with them. I read the church newsletter to her and asked her if she liked the pastor there, and she said yes and beamed as she talked about her church. When asked if the pastor or anyone from the church had been to see her, she said no and looked really sad about it. I made a mental note of the name of the church sending the newsletter and promised myself that I would call them the next day. (Hang in here with me; I'm getting to something important.) When I called the church the next day and asked them if they knew Helen, and they said they did, but then I asked them why no one could be bothered to visit her, there was a LONG SILENCE . . . the receptionist very politely says "Please hold on a moment", and then someone else got on, and I told them who I was and why I was calling, and they said "Honey, someone visits her every week from here. Helen just doesn't remember." Whooops. Another lesson learned about this very sad illness. I was always so relieved when I would arrive for another visit and find another church newsletter because Helen didn't get anymore mail. I spent most holidays just reading the same cards over and over again to her. She never noticed. But what I noticed is that Helen was very happy to see me everytime I arrived, and she enjoyed her "mail" very much.

I know that Helen got a lot out of our visits, but I have to say that while painful to see someone in this state, I got so much more out of it. Making her happy and comfortable became my mission, and I was determined to accomplish that everytime we were together. For the most part, I think I did.

So, for whatever it was worth to anyone who reads this, I thought I'd share some "looking in from the outside" thoughts and experiences with you because I thought I might be able to provide some insight from a different viewpoint (since Helen and I didn't share any history, and I only knew her from that moment in time forward). Helen only lived about another year after I started to visit, and I felt a loss when she one day just slipped away into a coma and then passed shortly thereafter, but I am grateful that I was able to experience those times with her and to help her feel a little less confused, comforted, and happy. It went a long way. I could see it on her face.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2007, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Finally made it to Florida and lovin' every minute!
22,677 posts, read 19,190,237 times
Reputation: 17596
FedUp, you're a very special lady.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2007, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Tompkins County
282 posts, read 1,260,885 times
Reputation: 228
Simplyaged~

I am also the baby of the family, but i'm the only girl. I have 3 older brothers. My father died 5 months before I was born in 1965, and my Mom never remarried. She didn't want another man disciplining "her" children. She sacrificed so much for us, which is why I felt there was no way anyone other than myself was going to take care of her to the end.

My Mom and my husband, thankfully, got along great! So he was a huge help in caring for her. There were times that she got a little violent with him, though. The worst times for him were when he had to change her adult diapers when I wasn't home.

I know what you mean about the multiple trips to the bathroom. Does she go every time? Might be another issue going on if she doesn't, and she just doesn't know what it is, how to say the words, or can't pinpoint where. There was one time my Mom went into the bathroom and instead of sitting on the toilet, she sat down on the chair that was in there and proceeded to make one HUGE mess. (i'm sure you can guess without the details!!)

My Mom's main obsession was clicking her fingernails. Drove me up a wall!

With your Mom getting up all the time at night, have they put her on any medication to help her sleep? There's times that it won't actually make her sleep, but it will make her "out of it" during the night. My Mom was taking Risperdal, and that worked for the most part.

How old is your son? You probably said and I might have missed it. My neice was 5 when my Mom started to completely lose it. We explained it to her that Grandma's mind is like a baby. She really didn't know what she was doing, and if she weren't sick, she wouldn't act that way. Alot of people were disgusted that we explained it so explicitly to a 5 year old what was going on, but that's the way my Mom raised us. Nothing got hidden. When someone died, they didn't go "to sleep", they died. No, they weren't coming back. I think my neice gained a total understanding about the whole thing and helped out a TON in caring for my Mom. After a while my Mom looked at her like a really short nurse!

My Mom used to ask where the "baby" was all the time. I just assumed she was talking about my neice, but we figured out that she was really talking about me. In her mind, it was 1965. I would hear her talking to relatives that I never even met, only heard about. So that part was pretty enlightening.

It's those moments that she dresses herself and puts on the most bizarre things that makes you laugh, that is actually very good for you. There's times that you just have to laugh. It sounds cruel sometimes, but being able to laugh at it, sometimes is the best way to get through it.

One thing I used to do, is take a picture out of a magazine and show it to her. I then would ask her to tell me about that picture. I got some pretty good stories! If there was a picture of a cabin in the woods, she would tell me a story about that cabin and how she used to stay there all the time. Another day it would be something else. It's a way to have her talking and feel a part of things. My neice used to show her pictures just hear the stories. In the end, they both ended up falling asleep!

Did your Mom ever draw or paint? Maybe while you're doing housework, you could give her a sketch book and have her draw you a picture while you're doing the housework. I found that asking her to knit or crochet was a bad idea because she would forget, then get hyper. Maybe get her a kids activity book or activity table. Something that will keep her hands busy. The Alzheimer's store has some pretty good things for that.

Glad that we're all able to help you out!

If you ever feel like venting, just come to this thread and let loose! Just being able to get it out will make you feel better, and we're here to listen!

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2007, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Tompkins County
282 posts, read 1,260,885 times
Reputation: 228
Fedup~

You are truly a beautiful person!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2007, 03:17 PM
 
Location: SC
585 posts, read 612,344 times
Reputation: 1386
Fedup,

Did you have to make me cry?? That's okay! You are the sweetest person for taking time out of your schedule and sharing yourself with a total stranger. God Bless You, Girl!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2007, 03:44 PM
 
Location: SC
585 posts, read 612,344 times
Reputation: 1386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauri_25ny View Post
I know what you mean about the multiple trips to the bathroom. Does she go every time?

No she doesn't, she will be just making a collection run of tp. Got to keep a fresh stock hidden somewhere! My husband actually removed the bathroom door and adjusted it to where there is a gap I can see her through. Sounds bad but it makes me feel more secure. One time I spotted her stepping into the bath and starting to turn on the hot water, fully clothed. Had it not been for that crack, she would have burnt herself.

My Mom's main obsession was clicking her fingernails. Drove me up a wall!

Oh no, my mom does that to if her nails are polished. I quit polishing them!!

With your Mom getting up all the time at night, have they put her on any medication to help her sleep? There's times that it won't actually make her sleep, but it will make her "out of it" during the night. My Mom was taking Risperdal, and that worked for the most part.

She takes Razadyne and Namenda for the dementia and Wellbutrin for the depression. I haven't asked about anything else because I don't really believe in taking medications. If it gets harder on us or worse, then I will but right now I have to medicate her at night as it is so that she won't get sick.

How old is your son?

He is 14 so he knows. I was raised the same way. Our daughter was 4 when my father died and we took her everywhere and let her touch or whatever it took to help her to understand. Some didn't like our way but oh well.

My Mom used to ask where the "baby" was all the time. I just assumed she was talking about my neice, but we figured out that she was really talking about me. In her mind, it was 1965. I would hear her talking to relatives that I never even met, only heard about. So that part was pretty enlightening.

Yeah, I learned she almost died as a young child and no of us were told that before. Her sisters confirmed that it was true and she had the total story correct. Strange how she can talk about the past but she can't tell me where she put her glass she was drinking out of 2 minutes earlier.

It sounds cruel sometimes, but being able to laugh at it, sometimes is the best way to get through it.

AMEN

Did your Mom ever draw or paint?

We all use to sit and do puzzles when we were children and sometimes even color. I got my son to ask her to color with him and she was offended. She said she was too old to color. I think she just doesn't like my son. That bothers me a lot.

Thanks for sharing. I can't wait to use a lot of this advice I have received today.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2007, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,044 posts, read 24,017,427 times
Reputation: 5182
You may want to contact your county Office on Aging or state department of Health/Senior Services to see if they can offer any help. Your area might have medical or social day cares your mom could attend during the day, which would give you a bit of a break. Also the national alzheimers association gives grant money to those in need, up to $1000/year. This could go towards paying for help, so you get a break.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2007, 03:58 PM
 
Location: SC
585 posts, read 612,344 times
Reputation: 1386
Quote:
Originally Posted by nomoresnow View Post
The funniest thing, though. Watch your mother around those alarms.

I hope she doesn't figure out a way to disarm these, they are actually inside of the doors. She would have to saw them out. But thanks for the heads up, I will watch and wonder!

She loved the Weather CHannel.

I'm going to have to try this. Mom likes these super silly (down right stupid to me) teenage humor movies. I try to TIVO those and they work for a few minutes. But I have noticed that when there is a handsome man, she will light up and say I need him here for me!

She often accused people of stealing things from her.

She has done this with my sister and then she will come to me and tell on her! I think that is funny since I'm the youngest!

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I've got a lot to take in in just one day and I am very greatful for that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Caregiving

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top