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Old 08-02-2009, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Oxygen Ln. AZ
9,319 posts, read 18,677,064 times
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With all the so called stimulous money being tossed into a black hole, you would think that we could come up with some kind of day care, assisted living home that would not bankrupt the senior. Somehow I think seniors are not even in the picture.
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Old 08-02-2009, 03:02 PM
 
Location: DC Area, for now
3,517 posts, read 13,226,325 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MotleyCrew View Post
With all the so called stimulous money being tossed into a black hole, you would think that we could come up with some kind of day care, assisted living home that would not bankrupt the senior. Somehow I think seniors are not even in the picture.
Periodically, there has been talk of amending Medicare to pay for in-home help similar to what many long-term care insurance policies allow. There is significant data to show that for many, this is cheaper alternative to nursing homes that also pleases the people involved.

With the insurance companies in a full-on assault on any health care/insurance reform in the current negotiations, the odds that a good bill will come out of this diminish considerably. It is amazing at how many people fiercely oppose policy that will greatly benefit themselves and their families and just as fiercely support policy and programs that are to their own detriment and benefit only some corporation. The triumph of ideology over evidence and reason.
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Old 04-30-2010, 06:06 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,977 times
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It is obvious that you have so much love for your mom and want to do what is right and honorable. Caregiving is sacrificial work, but the rewards are very satisfying. It is difficult for old people to move away from places and people they have grown accustomed to. I would suggest you keep your mother at your sister's place since she is most comfortable there but find ways to help your sister since she is working full time. Meridian at Home provides customized assistance for such situations and offers In Home Care services according to your needs. Part of the expenses for this should be covered by your mother's medical insurance. Check: [url=http://www.meridianathome.com/]In Home Care New Jersey[/url]
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Old 05-01-2010, 08:55 AM
 
13,499 posts, read 18,082,452 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lindasmith8008 View Post
...I would suggest you keep your mother at your sister's place since she is most comfortable there but find ways to help your sister since she is working full time....
If I understood the OP's description of her sister's situation correctly, this sounds like the royal road to destroying her sister's life and sanity.

This woman works full time, she has a husband with Parkinson's and three resentful teenagers.

No, IMO, this is decidedly not the place for Mom.

If none of the other sisters can take on this responsbility - with or without outside support services, then it is time for Mom to be moved to a care institution. It sounds like she could be shoved from pillar to post by sisters who believe they should take care of her but feel they are not in a position to.

If that is the bottom line: they have to accept it and move on. And, yes, it will be very, very unpleasant for Mom, but it will soon be just as unhappy in a home filled with stressed relatives who are worn to the bone.
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Old 05-01-2010, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Flippin AR
5,513 posts, read 5,218,071 times
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Been there. The stress is unbelievable. I did everything I could, and my Dad lived with us for 6 months before a blood clot put him in the hospital, then nursing home. I tried everything to get him home with us for the end, but couldn't do it. Be VERY careful if your Mom ends up in a nursing home; the night nurses may steal pain meds. This happened to my Dad, and I found him crying in pain one morning (he was on hospice with cancer). I tried to get him out of that place, but had to get on a waiting list elsewhere. Now I realize I should have called 911 immediately, and got him out of there and into the hospital. Then, refuse to let him go to a sub-standard nursing home.

In the end, my regret was that I was so burned out (I'm an only child) that by the end I couldn't bear to visit every day. I wasn't with him when he died. But it's the lifetime that matters, and don't let regret cloud your good memories. Just try and push through just when it seems you have nothing left to give.
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Old 11-13-2010, 01:51 PM
 
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My elderly, alzheimer's patient - step grandmother with lung cancer and circulatory problems... was recently diagnosed as not capable of living on her own to suit the nursing home she is in. They said they couldn't keep her against her will, but all the family know she can't take care of herself or drive. She doesn't want any help from family and can be violent at times. We want her to be safe and well taken care of, but now the nursing home says we have to petition the court for guardianship to make those decisions for her because she has no blood relatives. What happens if we do not get guardianship? Would they just put her out on the street?
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Old 11-13-2010, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 20,829,221 times
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Default Incomprehensible

Quote:
Originally Posted by VegasGrace View Post
Let your mom choose where she wants to live. Then make it happen. If she wants to stay in her own home- somebody has got to make the sacrifice. If she wants to live with the one daughter w/ family....then they must sacrifice.
Make the sacrifice...somebody.
I must say that this advice just blows my mind. Who are you (VegasGrace) to say that a particular daughter and her family "must sacrifice"? Seems to me it is easy for you to sacrifice somebody else and the life of their family. If you chose to make a similar sacrifice on behalf of one of your parents, that is your decision, but I do not understood how that becomes a "must" for anybody else.
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Old 11-15-2010, 12:42 PM
 
14,300 posts, read 14,088,313 times
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Quote:
I must say that this advice just blows my mind. Who are you (VegasGrace) to say that a particular daughter and her family "must sacrifice"? Seems to me it is easy for you to sacrifice somebody else and the life of their family. If you chose to make a similar sacrifice on behalf of one of your parents, that is your decision, but I do not understood how that becomes a "must" for anybody else.

One of my responsibilities, ER, is caring for a 91 year old mother who is blind. Mom manages in her own home. However, i have to arrange homecare for about five hours a day, seven days a week. I also have a live-in cousin that I can depend on to contact me if there is a medical emergency or such.

I have never seriously considered bringing Mom to my home. First of all she could stand the noise level. I have an 11 year old daughter that frequently has friends over. I have an 18 year old son who commutes back and forth to college everyday and often brings his friends here. Mom has always been a very neat and fastidious person. I think she would be very anxious living in a home where DW and I make neatness less of a priority.

I knock myself out taking care of Mom. I see that her bills and taxes are paid, shopping gets done, yard gets maintained, she gets to the doctor and hospital as needed, and that the various entities paying her a pension always follow th rough. I get some help from friends and neighbors. I do not have a sibling to fall back on. My only sibling a sister lives in WI and is pretty much useless when it comes to caring for Mom. I do not blame Mom because of her age, but her absence of gratitude for what I do at times, makes me irritable and I won't deny that.

Like you, I do not appreciate lectures from some who probably think I could do more than I do. I am busting my butt to see that she gets what she needs and I could rip someone a "new one" for suggesting that I do more.
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Old 11-15-2010, 01:08 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 2,182,043 times
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In Vt we have respite care that you can get grants for, albeit you or someone else is the daytime help. Granted, the pay is only $10 an hour and it is difficult to find people who actually care about the individual. However, there is criminal/adult abuse screening. I hope there is such available in your state. Check with the Center for Aging & Independent Living.

I have been the sole caretaker for my schizophrenic mother since 2000. Most times she was unmedicated and I paid for her to live outside my home. However, it began costing me too much out of pocket, time and just "not knowing" she was ok. I moved her in with me and my daughter(a teen) While it was EXTREMELY difficult for us all, it is fine now. We all had to grow to accept each other, faults and all.

The most poignant time was when my daughter piped up out of the blue; after watching me deal with my Mom's issues. She said, " Mom if anything like this ever happened to you, I'd take care of you." Yes, this is one of the "me" generation and had it not been for example, she would have remained totally selfish. Just find a way for everyone to have their own space as a retreat. Also, in todays times, pooling finances can make life less stressful for everyone.

Now that my Mom is medicated for the first time in 20+ years I am actually able to provide care for other seniors. (respite) I have a little old guy w/downs/alzheimers/pacemaker/hip replacement and a multitude of other physical-developmental disabilities. I love him and he has made me slow down enough to become an even better person. Caring for your own is a learning experience that you couldn't afford to buy. Seems too many of us have forgotten how to do it. Hope the boomer generation can resurrect it and their kids will step up to the plate. Unfortunately, I tend to think their kids feel "entitled" too.

Honest to goodness it isn't soooo bad. A little prioritizing is in order for most. Good luck to you and your family.......if you were in VT I'd apply.
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:25 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
6,869 posts, read 11,175,696 times
Reputation: 10757
Smile Update - I'd forgotten this thread

My mom passed away this past March 2010. Long story but she did stay at my sisters' homes (back and forth) for close to a year. She went into assisted living January 2010, had a heart attack 2 weeks later but survived it, was in intensive care, told them she wanted to just go and be with Jesus. They then put her in Hospice (wonderful place) but she rallied, then a nursing home (she passed away after 2 weeks there).

It was peaceful for her and hard on all of us. We had never seen someone pass away before but were all with her.

Her memorial service was beautiful. Over 300 people. She would have loved it.
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