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Old 02-14-2010, 06:22 AM
7 posts, read 19,902 times
Reputation: 16


Ok...here is the scoop....someone I know has an 86 year old mother that is widowed and has been living in a nice assisted living retirement facility for several years. The mother is paying around $2,500 per month to live in this
facility. Several weeks ago, this woman fell and broke her hip, had to have surgery to place pins and bolts, and is now in a rehab facility.

This woman had 2 sons, and had her desires in her will, prior to breaking her hip, were to divide her assets between both sons upon her death. Well, one son that was married with no children, died a few weeks before the woman fell. Now the other son that is married with one child, convinced his mother that she should change her will and leave everything to him and his family. Mind you, this was done right when the mother was in the hospital on a morphine drip for pain. So now, the widow of the son (she is in her early 60's will not get anything.) Her husband died before retiring, so there is no pension. Not sure what kind of life insurance policy he had, but none the less, I think this is wrong.

Now, the son and his wife that got the mom to change her will are acting like her money is already theirs. The mom's insurance will only pay 100% for her to be in rehab for 20 days, after that it will cost around $150 per day if she has to stay longer. Mom's son and his wife say they will not let her stay more than 20 days at the rehab, and if she is not better by that time, they will move her out of the nice assisted living facility and find her a cheaper nursing home and place her there. Mind you, this Mom was paying all her bills with her own money before this all happened. This is all about greed. I have seen situations like this happen before and I am livid. I am not related to any of these people, but felt the need to write about this and see what other people think.

There are not any other close relatives of this sick woman around in this state. I have tired to talk to the son that had the will changed and asked him what his deceased dad would think about what he has done, and I am told to mind my own business. The wife of the deceased son will not know about being written out of the will until the mom passes. I know where she lives, and could contact her and let her know, but I would be opening up a big can of worms. I wish there was some way I could help this sick woman, but feel my hands are tied.

Also remember, if you are sick and mentally off, it is so easy for a greedy relative to do something like this to you. A notary public that witnesses the legal transaction is not required to determine if you are mentally compentent at the time you sign. Today's laws make it so easy for the crooks to get away with this. Beware.
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Old 02-14-2010, 08:11 AM
11,232 posts, read 12,524,307 times
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A terrible situation, and I have seen one like it where a son and his new wife fleeced his father out of a bundle of money when he was terminally ill. He trusted his son, he shouldn't have.

In this case you described, regarding the one son's widow...the problem is not so clear. If the mother had wanted her daughter-in-law to inherit in the event her son predeceased him, she needed to say this in her will. If this provision was not in the old will, then there really is no back-stabbing involved.
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Old 02-14-2010, 08:20 AM
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,136 posts, read 20,600,375 times
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We started to put our in-laws in our will when we made it, but the lawyer mentioned that we should leave it to our children's estate instead. He said he had seen different circumstances where there were divorces and the in-law had taken advantage. You really have to be careful with these legal things. We told our children that they should make out a will stating who is to get the money we will hopefully leave them in case they might not be living at the time.

I have always said that you don't know your relatives until you divide an inheritance with them. I don't really worry about it and have always believed that God is in charge and can give back to me anything that someone else takes away. The son and daughter in law will not profit from wrong doing. They are hurting themselves and others too.
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Old 02-14-2010, 10:11 AM
48,522 posts, read 79,100,691 times
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Well it may really be that the mother wants to leave the money to her son. Amorphine dip does not mean she doesn't know what she is doing and its very likely the witnesses are staff. Just as in a divorce the wife would not be able to claim any interitance as communtiy property in most states. It is the property of the person that inheritated it and not the spouse.In the case where a realtive had died without a will the wife of a deceased spouse would have no claim on the estate;but children of the marriage would.Right or wrong is in the eye of the one who is making the will really.I for instance have no gain in the will of my mother-in-law who just died and all the money is my wifes. If we divorce I can claim nothing of it altho she lived with us for several years prior to dying. I did not and don't want any of the money that is my wifes money and interitance purely.If my wife had died before my mother-in-law the will then directed the money to other blood realtives. This is common practice really and pretty much as the law sates it when dying without a will.
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Old 02-14-2010, 10:42 AM
7 posts, read 19,902 times
Reputation: 16
Thanks for the replies. The thing that bothers me the most is now the son and wife are acting like it is their money, and wince at the thought of the mother going back to the nice assisted living facility. They act like the mom is spending their money....that is what is bothering me. They are counting every penny that the mom spends...because they rationalize that the mom is now spending their "inherintence"....that is just not right in my opinion.
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Old 02-14-2010, 10:49 AM
Location: Surf City, NC
341 posts, read 504,402 times
Reputation: 887
Default National Center on Elder Abuse

I would check into whether there is a local agency that might get involved. There is a national hotline for elder abuse at 1-800-677-1116, and a website at NCEA Homepage that can probably refer you to resources in your state or city.
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Old 02-16-2010, 12:02 PM
48,522 posts, read 79,100,691 times
Reputation: 17913
I also must comment that a 2500 assited livng facility is pretty cheap even by nuring home standards.Even a nuring home is goign to cost at least 3000+ plus for her to live in. 2500 would indict to me a minimum assisted living facitiy require alot of mobiltiy at the least.Nothing to do with the movitive of the son but just a observation. A top assisted facility can cost 5000+ a month if they have medical staff to assist the less mobile or those having handcaps and they go up from there really.
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Old 02-16-2010, 02:33 PM
12,535 posts, read 23,782,236 times
Reputation: 17857
The greedsters might think they can dump her after 20 days into Medicaid, which isn't true if she has assets (as it sounds she does). As much as it might enrage you that the greedsters are trying to do this, that's not the point. The point is the woman needs protection from them. Are they her durable power of attorney people? Is she under any guardianship? That is, do they have any power to do anything regarding her care or money outside of waiting for her to die?
This woman needs to ask for a legal referral at her facility or through a state referral of services for elderly, or something. An elder social worker should be able to help.
I don't think the greedsters have anything going except waiting for the woman's death. As to the DIL, the older lady needs a lawyer, likely to write in the DIL if she isn't incluced legally at this point.
But as far as I know, no one has the legal control over the older lady's finances or disposition unless she has legally designated them. These things come up all the time, and there are safeguards.
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Old 02-17-2010, 03:56 PM
3,718 posts, read 9,247,903 times
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Most states have a Dept of Elderly Affairs. I would call them and let someone know what is going on. They may be able to have an attorney represent the elderly woman's interests and be appointed her legal guardian. It's worth a try.
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Old 02-17-2010, 10:50 PM
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
3,917 posts, read 5,251,765 times
Reputation: 5901
From my experience writing my own will, a couple comments: As mentioned above, I don't think the son/wife can spend the mother's money or control her affairs unless she gave them Power of Attorney. Also, the will should stipulate what happens if one of the sons pre-deceases the mother. My lawyer has all kinds of provisions in my will for that stuff. Not sure why the will would have had to be re-written -- who was supposed to get the deceased son's half in the original will?
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