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take away their air conditioning! Seriously, drag them around in the car and don't turn the A/C on until every flyer has been handed out. Don't let them have or do ANYTHING but chores until they show some form of responsibility.
And why on earth are you so concerned about upsetting the kids?!!?!??!?!?! They left your front door open OVERNIGHT!!!! Not only should you tell them all the HORRIBLE things that could have happened to the cat, but you should let them know the horrible things that could have happened to THEM if some creep had decided to waltz in through your open door.
There's no room for being nice about this. Time to stop letting the KIDS make the rules and start showing them some SERIOUS consequences. All the things you said you took away (yet somehow your daughter one night didn't want to go back out because she was watching the TV that she was supposedly not allowed to watch) you need to take away for REAL and for GOOD until there is some lasting change. Everything but basic food, water, clothing, shelter is a privilege, and these kids have shown they don't deserve them. Heck take away all beverages but water if you have to. Take something away for every single rude remark and especially for every single whine and complaint. And stay strict with it- NO exceptions.
Sorry that you still have not found your kitty. I hope he finds his way home soon!!
take away their air conditioning! Seriously, drag them around in the car and don't turn the A/C on until every flyer has been handed out. Don't let them have or do ANYTHING but chores until they show some form of responsibility.
And why on earth are you so concerned about upsetting the kids?!!?!??!?!?! They left your front door open OVERNIGHT!!!! Not only should you tell them all the HORRIBLE things that could have happened to the cat, but you should let them know the horrible things that could have happened to THEM if some creep had decided to waltz in through your open door.
There's no room for being nice about this. Time to stop letting the KIDS make the rules and start showing them some SERIOUS consequences. All the things you said you took away (yet somehow your daughter one night didn't want to go back out because she was watching the TV that she was supposedly not allowed to watch) you need to take away for REAL and for GOOD until there is some lasting change. Everything but basic food, water, clothing, shelter is a privilege, and these kids have shown they don't deserve them. Heck take away all beverages but water if you have to. Take something away for every single rude remark and especially for every single whine and complaint. And stay strict with it- NO exceptions.
Sorry that you still have not found your kitty. I hope he finds his way home soon!!
~Katy
We have taken away cable, dd was watching off air. Seems they will watch anything, as long as its TV, they're glued to that thing.
As time goes by they seem less concerned, I'm the opposite, frantic with worry. Obviously, the more time goes by the more things could have happened to Rudy.
Here's a cute story to brighten your day, if any of you happened to see my thread on Health forum "What's wrong with me" Basically I developed a sudden, mysterious muscular/balance problem the last month. I seem to have lost my ability to walk, can only walk 5-6 steps without feeling disoriented, like I'm going to fall.
Well, yesterday, I got up, got my coffee, which, fortunately, went a little cold, the headed to my office, next thing I knew, my face was on the floor. It happened that fast, I slipped on something and fell face first on the floor. When I said it was fortunate my coffee went lukewarm, well, imagine if I spilled hot coffed in the process.
I fell face forward, my arms went up to protect my face, so I took the full impact on my pelvis area. I had a similar accident happen last Jan, I was out looking for a cat, tripped an fell in the same manner. That accident resulted in a fractured sacrum. I had a sacroplasty done Mar 8, which completely repaired the break, but the recuperation time was long and painful Instead of being helpful during that time, dd said it was my fault in the first place because I went looking for the cat, and I should "suck it up" and not have the surgery and thus inconvenience everyone. Hey, I juggled as many schedules as I could, the rest of the family was "inconvenienced" exactly two days, I had surgery Friday, went to Houston Thurs, so they were out thurs and Fri, back at school,work, etc, on Mon. Instead of a get well card, I get a slap in the face. Also, she said "you'e just an ugly old woman with nothing but a bunch of cats, and everyone hate your stupid cat Marshmallow" Well, nothing like sympathy and support when one is down.
Now, getting back to yesterday and my fall, we called Dad, fortunately he works nearby, I couldn't get up from the floor, due to other joint deformities. When he came and got me to a seated position, the injuries didn't appear serious, I can , and I'm seeing a neurologist next week in Hoston, anyways, all they would do here is an x-ray, some pain pills, a brace, and refer me to a ....neurosurgeon. How convenient I already have one lined up!
Ok, we couldn't figure out what I'd slipped in, but the whole floor, including the bathroom seemed to have a slimy coating, then, when I looked in the drawer, I found a stick of butter. Ds had coated the entire bathroom floor and connecting hallway with butter! Why did he do that? He'd seen a utube where some college kids buttered the floor to "prank" their roomates. He said he was trying to prank his sister, that was her bathroom, which I rarely use, but he also buttered the connecting hallway, which I do use.
I couldn't believe anyone could be so heartless. Regardless of who he was trying to "prank" it could have resulted in very serious consequences. As it is, we still don't know the extent of the damage sustained to my lower back from his little "prank" I happened to see that utube video with him, so I know where he got the idea. Bear in mind, he's 13, not 3, it didn't occur to me to explain TV is not reality.
I realize this thread is rambling and getting away from Pets, perhaps belongs on the parenting board, but its hard to know just where to splice it. We made ds clean it up, but he didn't do a very good job. Starting today, he will thoroiughly scrub the entire floor the old-fashioned way, with a scrub brush and bucket, then rinse, then dry. At our previous house, we hired a cleaning service, mainly because I wasn't physically able to do the heavy work. But the kids were capable, they just wouldn't be bothered.
Well, its a new living arrangement. I'm not paying $300/month for someone to clean this house while those kids sit there watching their TV. DD would actually walk right through where they had just mopped, with an up-yours attitude. No, times are tough, we don't have the money for such luxuries, also, we paid $150/month for lawn service at the previous house, now way, between dh and ds, they can do the yard. That's right, poor little boy, strong as a horse, healthy, can get off his tush and mow the lawn. its a very small lawn, anyways. Perhaps he might learn there is an advantage to getting out of bed before noon on weekends, its hotter then.
The way I figure it, they live here, they can help. No cleaning service, no lawn service. I've done my share, still do, even with my bad back, I still find myself picking up after them. Think of the money we will save from clean and yard service, and the life skills the kids will learn, plus all that exercise!
Think of the money we will save---$150/mo for lawn
$300/mo house cleaning
$75/mo cable
That comes to $575/mo! no wonder we're broke all the time! And just the other day they were complaining they didn't have enough clothes, and all I buy are "ugly clothes' when I always let her buy her own choioces, I just make suggestions.
This year, I will shop for some wardrobe basics, and give them both a $20, send the to Walmart on tax free weekend and let them see how far money doesn't go.
Ok, I'm rambling, I'm just beside myself with grief for poor Rudy. The kids can't produce him, i realize, even if they did everything 10 times over, it wouldn't guarantee we'd find the cat. I just wish they'd show some concern, but as little concern as they've shown for me and my bakc inmuryies, what would you expect for a cat?
Also, to address the comment about taking away air coditioning, we have central air, so I would only be punishing myself. However, I'm quite comfortable at 79, we have a lockbox on the thermostat, dh kicks it down at night, but its his house, he has to sleep comfortably, but I'm not paying to ac these kids butts all day while they lay there, they don't get out of bed until 2-3 pm.
Treats, cokes, etc are a thing of the past. If we buy coke in the can, they leave haf empty coke cans all over the house, then complain there's ants in the house. If we have coke at all, we got it in the 2-liter jug, but they would drink out of the jug (yeech) or pours some in a glass, then leave the glass half drunk anywhere in the house. Same for any type of treats, like chips you'd find them all over the house.
When I was a kid, on hot summers days, my mother kept a big metal pitcher of water in the fridge. That's right, water. Every time you want to wet you whistle you don't need a coke. I'm tired of coddling these kids, oly to have them treat me like dirt, won't even offer a hand when needed, expect to be waited on hand and foot, make hateful remarks, and endanger one of our pets.
Getting back to rudy, I still keep the light on! I put dishes of mackeral on the pation, and leave the garage door ajar, otherwise he has no way to enter even if he has found his home. Also, I still put out old laundry, and used litter (by now his is gone, but the scent of his companion cats would attract him). I post on Craigs List, call the local shelters, call local vets, will get the kids to re post flyers today, at night and I go to various wooded areas and place bowls of food and wiat to see if it attracts anything. I doubt he's alive by now, but I still want to try. He deserves the cahnce we can give him.
Maybe those kids belong in a place where their butts will be whipped into shape...not a fancy expensive boarding school, but more like a detention center. The fact that they are knowingly putting you in harm's way (buttering the floor? I would have been spanked until my butt was RAW if I'd done any such thing, especially if it had resulted in either of my parents getting hurt!) and then having the nerve to call you an ugly old woman and say it's YOUR fault? My dad would have kicked me out of the house if I ever spoke to my mother that way. They have no appreciation. I'm so sorry...this just makes my blood boil! My heart really goes out to you, and I wish I could reach right through this computer and give you a huge hug!!! (((HUGS!!!)))
Also, to address the comment about taking away air coditioning, we have central air, so I would only be punishing myself. However, I'm quite comfortable at 79, we have a lockbox on the thermostat, dh kicks it down at night, but its his house, he has to sleep comfortably, but I'm not paying to ac these kids butts all day while they lay there, they don't get out of bed until 2-3 pm.
Treats, cokes, etc are a thing of the past. If we buy coke in the can, they leave haf empty coke cans all over the house, then complain there's ants in the house. If we have coke at all, we got it in the 2-liter jug, but they would drink out of the jug (yeech) or pours some in a glass, then leave the glass half drunk anywhere in the house. Same for any type of treats, like chips you'd find them all over the house.
When I was a kid, on hot summers days, my mother kept a big metal pitcher of water in the fridge. That's right, water. Every time you want to wet you whistle you don't need a coke. I'm tired of coddling these kids, oly to have them treat me like dirt, won't even offer a hand when needed, expect to be waited on hand and foot, make hateful remarks, and endanger one of our pets.
Getting back to rudy, I still keep the light on! I put dishes of mackeral on the pation, and leave the garage door ajar, otherwise he has no way to enter even if he has found his home. Also, I still put out old laundry, and used litter (by now his is gone, but the scent of his companion cats would attract him). I post on Craigs List, call the local shelters, call local vets, will get the kids to re post flyers today, at night and I go to various wooded areas and place bowls of food and wiat to see if it attracts anything. I doubt he's alive by now, but I still want to try. He deserves the cahnce we can give him.
I'm with your mother. I have an icemaker and entirely drinkable tap water. I may add a little gatoraide power to it if its really hot and I have to be outside, but soda is for when I go out. It's special then.
Part of their behavior is age and part is shock. How could you possible treat them like that? But I have a son who is turning 19 and was given given given (did not live with me) and he's soon facing a really hard lesson in life. Better they get one now. They might be more prepared.
As for your son, the buttering is a *serious* thing. Whatever he's got in privilages should be out. He endangered your life. He should have to buy back things slowly, and start by getting his legs our there with flyers. Then helping you out. It may be hard to not relent and the return will be that he'll be less pleasent, but in the end it will be good for him when he gets out into the world. Responsibility is a necessary thing to learn and soooo many kids today do not. The school of hard knocks is a lot harder, and the ones who have will be the ones who do make it.
Do not give up on Rudy. Don't think of him as gone. Just missing. It hasn't been that long. It's not snowing. He likely is close by but scared. Show the kids a commitment for even if they don't want to participate its something that will be a good and necessary example for them.
And make sure you and husband sit and talk about exactly what is to be done, and be a united front. Kids pick up on that so easily. With the buttering incident, I'd say its time to go hard cord discipline too, since this is creating a dangerous situation for anyone, you especially but his sister as well. He should be grounded, helping unpacking or looking for Rudy or something useful or he sits in his empty room. Period. His choice.
Its just something I feel. Until now I had hope, but I feel it, he's gone. I can't sleep, as I sit here at 3 am, I know the little guy is gone. some sort of telepathy I had before telling me he was nearby has faded, he's gone, I hope he had a peaceful death, hope he didn't meet his fate through violence, etc.
Regardless, seems no one cares, the kids never talk about him, dh seems to have forgotten him. No one bothers to put out the soiled clothes and dishes of food to attract him, no one bothers to keep the garage door cracked so he can get in, no one bothers.
I think I will make a memorial at Rainbow Bridge for him, but not bother to tell the others, they wouldn't care. I don't know what's sadder, losing Rocky, or losing faith in my family, seeing how uncaring they all really are.
Today my ds told me I can't walk up and down steps, that's right, I haven't been able to do so all his life, I had both ankles fused before he was born. He told me I should go live in an assisted living community, its not fair to live here and drag everyone down.I asked him who was supposed to pay for it? Nothing in life is free...........
What a downer, also, I still have that weird muscular problem that prevents me from walking 5-6 steps without falling. It just happened all of a sudden about a month ago, right in the middle of moving. I barely managed to get us moved, but managed. I did it, that's what counts. Now here I am being told to go live in an old folks home (btw, I'm 55).
Well, one less cat in the world, who really cares? Except me, the "crazy cat lady"
I hope you will take this advice with the good intent I'm giving it. I recommend that you ask your physician to refer you to a family counselor; 1) so that you can learn some valuable skills in dealing with your kids, even if that means they'll never change, but you'll be more emotionally capable of handling that fact, and 2) so that you can have a safe outlet to deal with the obvious grief, loss and stress you are suffering from all the serious changes that have come down on you all at once.
Moving is stressful even under the best of circumstances.
Having a disabling condition is stressful under any circumstance.
Having belligerent children is stressful.
Having an unsupportive spouse is stressful.
Having an unsupportive employer is stressful.
Losing a beloved pet is stressful.
Dealing with stress is extremely important, not only to our mental health, but to our physical health as well. You have a lot of stressors in your life right now, and I think you could benefit greatly by having a professional help you deal with all of them.
Sincerely wishing you all the best.
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no wonder we're broke all the time! And just the other day they were complaining they didn't have enough clothes, and all I buy are "ugly clothes' when I always let her buy her own choioces, I just make suggestions. 
