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I'm only saying this since so many of you deal w/ this issue when your baby gets sick or older, etc. I believe that the reason it may be harder, than when a person we know/love gets this way, is due to the unconditional love/kindness our fur babies give us. They (unlike, unfortunately, so many people) harbor no malice (they simply can't act w/ this human-like foiable) & thus win our hearts solely on the merit of "who they are to us" w/out pretentiousness. We love & cherish them due to this "special bond" that no person could ever share/develop w/us.
It is my thinking (& I hope I'm not alone in this thought) that we feel so deeply when time comes for these decisions because we have found or shared a deep relationship (based on this equal sharing of love) & this makes the realization all too clear when we have to say goodbye to our special furbaby -- when we just can't ever come to grips w/ what that means. It has been for me unbelievably hard each & every time, & this confirms to me (beyond a doubt) that this is THE most blessed gift we could ever have been given bar none.
Sorry to interject this thread out of the blue but I know so many here are going (or will go) through this ordeal & I just wanted to lend some comfort as best I can, having been so deeply moved/touched by every thread dealing w/ this topic. God Bless all who realize the precious bond & gift we all treasure, & why this is so precious.
Our primary duties in this case are to care for ourselves, for w/out our own health, both physical & mental, we're rendered useless to help our animal & furry friend. If we love our baby this much we will surely try to do what we can to preserve ourselves, & thus be always there to help them should need arise. I have cancelled trips, etc. to stay home to care for or be w/ my furry gal, & though some may some I'm crazy, there isn't a whole lot of things worth more to me than having done this & knowing I care this much for my little lady.
Ok sorry again for this emotional outburst but darn if I don't go off the deep end, when I see these threads impacting me to my very core.
I, for one, know exactly how you feel and why. Humans come up short in so many instances in how to both feel and to show love. But, not our fur babies. All they know is unconditional love. And that, my friend, grows on you.
Over time, life has a way of kicking the stuffing out of you. The disappointments, the losses, the boredom of mundane work you could do in your sleep, the hurts, the misunderstandings; in short, turmoil and struggle. I myself would never have believed that my "spirit" could slowly become quiet, due to all the hills and valleys, all the battles, all the challenges, and all the heart rendering life lessons. Life has a way of turning you upside down and pouring everything you thought you had in you, right down the drain. If you haven't arrived at this page yet, don't worry, you shall. And that is when you begin to realize what you are really made of.....by the way.
Yet, amongst all this chaos, here are our fur babies. Steady, true, purring, loving, a haven. You say you have canceled trips? I don't take trips, period. Yes, some here would classify that as certifiable, yet this is my choice and my life. I would rather be with my felines then basically anyone on this planet, except for those few loved ones in my life who have always accepted me with wide open arms and always shown me love. Just as my cats have shown me. No judgment, no anger, no hate, just pure unconditional love.
And when it comes time to say good-bye to these vessels of pure love, how do you cope with such a loss? I've been there, and I still don't have the answer to that question. Like you, when I see posts here of people who are in the process of loosing a beloved baby, at times just rents my heart in two. And in the words I struggle to say, I hope that somehow I convey how deeply moved I am by their loss.
In reading so many posts of losses lately, realizations have come forth from my own life, that I still have yet to recover from the loss of babies I lost last year. I buried myself in work so I would not feel that loss, but, in the reading of those here who are themselves struggling with the loss of their loved ones, my heart cried out in agony.
My deepest felt empathy for those of you who are going through the nightmare of loosing a forever friend, I hope you can feel. God bless all of you with broken hearts. I have no promises for you, only a small token of my love for you and the knowledge that I too, have a broken heart.
May angels be with all of those suffering such deep loss.
I, for one, know exactly how you feel and why. Humans come up short in so many instances in how to both feel and to show love. But, not our fur babies. All they know is unconditional love. And that, my friend, grows on you.
Over time, life has a way of kicking the stuffing out of you. The disappointments, the losses, the boredom of mundane work you could do in your sleep, the hurts, the misunderstandings; in short, turmoil and struggle. I myself would never have believed that my "spirit" could slowly become quiet, due to all the hills and valleys, all the battles, all the challenges, and all the heart rendering life lessons. Life has a way of turning you upside down and pouring everything you thought you had in you, right down the drain. If you haven't arrived at this page yet, don't worry, you shall. And that is when you begin to realize what you are really made of.....by the way.
Yet, amongst all this chaos, here are our fur babies. Steady, true, purring, loving, a haven. You say you have canceled trips? I don't take trips, period. Yes, some here would classify that as certifiable, yet this is my choice and my life. I would rather be with my felines then basically anyone on this planet, except for those few loved ones in my life who have always accepted me with wide open arms and always shown me love. Just as my cats have shown me. No judgment, no anger, no hate, just pure unconditional love.
And when it comes time to say good-bye to these vessels of pure love, how do you cope with such a loss? I've been there, and I still don't have the answer to that question. Like you, when I see posts here of people who are in the process of loosing a beloved baby, at times just rents my heart in two. And in the words I struggle to say, I hope that somehow I convey how deeply moved I am by their loss.
In reading so many posts of losses lately, realizations have come forth from my own life, that I still have yet to recover from the loss of babies I lost last year. I buried myself in work so I would not feel that loss, but, in the reading of those here who are themselves struggling with the loss of their loved ones, my heart cried out in agony.
My deepest felt empathy for those of you who are going through the nightmare of loosing a forever friend, I hope you can feel. God bless all of you with broken hearts. I have no promises for you, only a small token of my love for you and the knowledge that I too, have a broken heart.
May angels be with all of those suffering such deep loss.
I use to have a pillow that stated "The more I see of men, the more I love my cat!"
I often say "If God Made anything sweeter than a kitten, He kept it in Heaven!".. I think these fur babies are HIS gift to us. This is how He wants us to be. Forgiving, non-judgemental, to give and receive love unconditionally, to accept what we have and be happy with it...ahh, just so many things that they are, that humans are not. I think having fur kids are a preview of what it is like in heaven.
The short life span of these furry companions is so that we can experience each ones difference but with the same unconditional love, acceptance and so on. Teaching us that while we are all different, we all need and want the same things.
My heart breaks when I loose one and having been there, it breaks when someone else goes though the same loss. But I always remember the song "The Dance".. To me that song says what it is all about. It is hard when we loose one because of the unconditional love we are loosing, the friend and companion that is always there without ever criticizing us, the companionship, judging us or caring if we get dressed or not.
It is the part of life that I dread the most...and my motivation for doing all that I can for my own animals and fosters.
I hate it when others lose or are about to send their animals to the rainbow bridge not only because of the pain that they go through because I hate to see anyone hurting like that, but because it gives me a huge reality check of which maybe I am horrible and morbid for realizing.
That one day again I will be in that spot. However much I would love for my animals to live the same length of time as I "knock on wood" will, it is times like those that are really difficult to deal with because I have to face the reality that one day, I will be just as devastated, and overcome with grief as they are. It is the one thing in life that we all have regrets with regardless of how much we try not to. We always are going to ask why, if we did the right things, if they knew they were loved, and reassure ourselves that they weren't in pain when they did go. It is probably the most unfair thing that any of us will ever or have ever dealt with in our lifetime because there are no answers to those questions - maybe one day there will be, but all the answers come in reassurances, encouragement, spiritual verses, but for someone like me who is a huge realist most of the time, they never are facts or real answers.
Sure, it makes me appreciate my own animals and fosters just a bit more no matter what they do or don't do.
But, most of all, I hate that I get the reality check that my animals are close to the same age and that there is a possiblity that whenever I do have to face losing them, that I may have to deal with it almost continuously. Not only with my own grief, but having to help the animals that they were buddies with deal with their own grief since in my house they work in pairs. I know that I should look at the positive side, but to me, there is no real positive side to this part of life.
So, everytime someone is hurting from their own loss, I feel like I have lost something too. That comfortable feeling when I forget how much of a realist I am, that everyday I wake up and all my animals are around, they are all well, never age and never leave my side, and that I will always need to use a lint roller before I leave the house.
Sometimes, reality really just sucks. So when anyone does post about a loss, and I don't happen to respond, it isn't that I don't care. It is just that sometimes I feel like no matter what I type, that it is just words - the scripted assurances we give because it is awkward and we don't know what to say. But know that everytime I see a thread like that, it really does make me sad and I really do wish that I could say something that would really make the pain disappear, something that would truly create peace and give us all the answers to all those questions that we all long for during that time. For now, I send and wishes that none of us have to deal with this for a very long time...and for those that have experienced that huge loss, that the memories help bring comfort.
I really helps to have a like minded group of people to talk to. When I lost Annie I thought I was going to die. The night before her vet appointment -- she always used to turn her back on me and snuggle up next to me with my arms around her -- I told her I loved her so much. The following morning when I took her to the vet I had no idea she wouldn't be coming home with me. I knew she was sick, acting weird and throwing up, but I assumed it was fixable. It wasn't; it was a tumor.
It was horrible going home alone like that, without her. We had been through so much together. I'm a musician and she had moved cross country with me a dozen or more times to go to school or play orchestra jobs. She loved me, too, and she was my best friend.
I fostered a dozen cats before I found Edward. Before Annie, there was another Edward. So in my adult life, I've loved three cats. They keep the mice away, are my better ears, help me with my students, and love me. But you always have to know that in 15 or 20 years, you've going to have to give them up.
I was wondering, when that happens (with the first two), I chose to let the vet handle it and I was not in the room, though I came in afterwards. I wonder if that is the right thing to do? I don't want to upset them further, or upset the vet, or the people in the office. I wait until I get in the car to cry. Is that what I should do??
I was wondering, when that happens (with the first two), I chose to let the vet handle it and I was not in the room, though I came in afterwards. I wonder if that is the right thing to do? I don't want to upset them further, or upset the vet, or the people in the office. I wait until I get in the car to cry. Is that what I should do??
Scsigurl, it is your personal preference as what to do. No one here should make that decision for you. Me, my baby is in my arms right to the very end. I wouldn't have it any other way, but there are others who don't wish to do this.
Bottom line, you have to live with yourself. And what you decide to do, is for the best for both yourself and your beloved cat.
Hope I helped with your question. There is NO easy answer with this.
I really helps to have a like minded group of people to talk to. When I lost Annie I thought I was going to die. The night before her vet appointment -- she always used to turn her back on me and snuggle up next to me with my arms around her -- I told her I loved her so much. The following morning when I took her to the vet I had no idea she wouldn't be coming home with me. I knew she was sick, acting weird and throwing up, but I assumed it was fixable. It wasn't; it was a tumor.
It was horrible going home alone like that, without her. We had been through so much together. I'm a musician and she had moved cross country with me a dozen or more times to go to school or play orchestra jobs. She loved me, too, and she was my best friend.
I fostered a dozen cats before I found Edward. Before Annie, there was another Edward. So in my adult life, I've loved three cats. They keep the mice away, are my better ears, help me with my students, and love me. But you always have to know that in 15 or 20 years, you've going to have to give them up.
I was wondering, when that happens (with the first two), I chose to let the vet handle it and I was not in the room, though I came in afterwards. I wonder if that is the right thing to do? I don't want to upset them further, or upset the vet, or the people in the office. I wait until I get in the car to cry. Is that what I should do??
I haven't been in the position to have to put an animal to sleep yet...and am conflicted too. I can't imagine not being there to the very end but it does scare me. My Parents had a horrible experience with our Calico. They didn't give her the right amount of sedative and had to give her a second dose. My Dad said that he will never be in the room again because it just made him feel worse because it prolonged the process. He didn't feel that she went as peacefully as she should have. I think I would want to be there because the bond between my animals and I is so much better than any vet tech, or veterinarian and I wouldn't want to be scared during my last moments. Ideally, I would want the vet to come to my home. But, that is just me. Hopefully, I have many years before I have to deal with this. I don't think that there is a right or wrong way regardless.
I was wondering, when that happens (with the first two), I chose to let the vet handle it and I was not in the room, though I came in afterwards. I wonder if that is the right thing to do? I don't want to upset them further, or upset the vet, or the people in the office. I wait until I get in the car to cry. Is that what I should do??
In my humble opinion, there is absolutely no correct answer to this.
When the end came for my little Jethro last Wednesday, I was not there with him. I had spent about 25 minutes beforehand with him, and I could see, by the end of that time, that he was truly out of it. If he had been more aware of what was happening, maybe my choice would have been different, I don't know. We were lucky enough that our regular vet was on duty the afternoon that I brought him in. I felt comfortable transferring him to the blanket that she brought into the room, and saying my final goodbye.
I think, also, our situation was a bit different, because this was such a long time in coming. As I mentioned on my thread on here, he had a bout with a cancerous tumor in his ear about 2 years ago (just before he turned 14). The vet couldn't remove all of it, and the next possible remedy was to remove the entire ear canal. I couldn't see putting a 14 year old cat through that, so I told her that as long as she got out as much as she could, we'd deal with whatever came next. Over the course of the next 2 years, he stopped cleaning himself, and we became experts in removing mats. He began to lose weight, but still kept eating like a horse. I said that as long as he was still eating, and was the first to meet me at the door in the evenings, we'd muddle on. I also made the conscious decision that, absent any egregiously bad medical condition, we would not be going back to the vet. Bottom line is that I've had the past two years to come to grips with the inevitable...
Up until last week, Jethro was still the "pack leader" in the house. My other cat and my 40 pound puppy would never cross him. All he had to do was STAND there. I would look at him and just smile. I knew he was dying, but man, he didn't give up until the very end.
In my opinion, staying with your furbaby, or not, is your own, private choice. People deal with death and grief in different ways, and there is no "right" way to do it. You need to do what you feel is right at the time. And, never second-guess yourself. It is my belief that animals know who loves them, and that feeling of love is not diminished if you're not with them when they're taking their last breath. You need to do what is right for YOU. In my case, I was alone with him at the vet's office. I had not planned it that way, as I had asked by bf to come down this weekend to be with me when we went. But, of course, you know about what they say about the "best laid plans"... My strength came when I scooped him up on Wednesday afternoon and drove alone, with him on my lap, to the vet's office. I didn't have the strength to be with him as he breathed his last. And, at the end of the day, I truly think that he is looking down on me now saying, "geez, no worries about *that*. Thanks for the great life."
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