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Old 07-23-2007, 02:21 PM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,403 posts, read 9,322,811 times
Reputation: 5614

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Let's give you the "abridged" story, shall we?

My cat lives in Flordai with my "ex". I am in Maryland with my mom at the moment.. I left the cat there when I drove away. I could barely take care of myself... as hard as I cried over leaving everything, I cried about leaving my cat behind. She is all white, very sweet, very tiny, even full grown. Only 4 years old, if that. I remember when I first got her, she was so tiny, (from the animal shelter) so scared. She got a bad cold when I first got her, due to the room I was staying in at the time, being so cold.. I remember nursing her back to health, keeping her alive when she would sneeze, little blood droplets would come out..and she just looked so sad. But we moved to warmer temperatures, and we got her a playmate... and she grew into a strong, healthy, loving, comfortable kitty. ...I couldn't take her with when I left. After numerous strenuous tear stained conversations with the "ex", I tried to convince him that it was for the best, if we did as little talking as possible... since, his life, I had no part in, and with all due respect, the life I was trying to piece back together, he had no part of either. (it sounds harsh, but after 4 years of investing all of myself into that relationship, I feel at this point, crying continuously is pointless, still talking with him (unless it's an emergency) is pointless. We just need to move on. And he doesn't like to let me "move on" if he can help it. Does this belong in the relationship thread? no.. it's about the cat. Sorry... let me get back on topic.

There are only 3 reasons I will talk with him now.. that I see reason for.

1) to talk about money. he sends me a small amount every month, to make up for the fact that he opened and ran up just over 4 thousand dollars worth of credit under my name without telling me. (and most of the time, even tho I send him an invoice through paypal, he "forgets" to check his mail to see a payment due, unless I call. I know this sounds like the generic exwife "only nagging him when she wants money" ..but, I didn't press charges when he opened accounts in my name.. I didn't even pitch a fit. By then, I was so depressed, it was all I could do to just walk away. I make enough money to cover the collections payments on my own every month if I have to. If he stops sending me money, there's nothing I can do about it. *shrug* and I'll just have to let it go and try to fix things on my own.

2) to keep a physical addres on him, in case he tries to move. (which he talks about frequently) ...only hitch is, until I send him the final divorce papers (which he is also refusing to cooperate with) I don't want him to disappear on me.. he disappeared on his last wife. (I was his second marriage), she says she had to blow a LOt of extra money (money that I don't have...) to have the divorce finalized "without a valid signature from him".

3) if there is an emergency with Lilly.... my baby. my kitty

In all fairness, I forfeit my right to her when I left her there. When I told him that he is not my life anymore, then he said if you don't want to hear about how I'm doing... then you don't have a right to ask about the cat either.
It stung, but most of what he has been saying for the past few months has.. so I let it go. It's the truth.

Tonight I get a call from him. Frustrating, after we just spent 3 hours on the phone the night before, rehashing that he can't call to "see how I'm doing" "see if I'm dating" ..or to let me know the latest medication he's on from his doctors to treat his clincal depression, losing his job, hating his life, etc... he starts by saying "there's a problem with Lilly. She's become very lethargic, and peeing blood." I don't need to be a vet to have the first thing screaming through my mind to be... TAKE HER TO A VET. this is the onslaught of a urinary tract infection, if not worse. Why does he tell me this, when he rubs in my face the night before that "I have no right to know how the cat is doing if I'm gone and gone and etc" .... why? oh it suddenly becomes very clear. It's because the money he was supposed to pay me a week ago, he says now he is broke... (how? I am handling the car payements, insurance, he pays no rent, living with his friend all this time... how is he broke????) I'm the one having to shell out money to every collections angency under the sun, and keep up with the car and help my mom out!! - but if he sends me the money he owes me for this month - there is nothing left.. and he can't take Lily to the vet.. and if he did, he wouldn't have any money left for anything.
Part of me wants to snap at him saying... even if you did have the money, you don't havea driver's liscence (at age 30)... to TAKE CARE of this kind of emergency even if you needed to. (but that's another story, long stemming of why I left him)

I've been mulling over this all night, and all morning. He hasn't called back, and hasn't answered the message I left him, with what I see as his options are.

1) he keeps the money he was going to send me (in theory) to take her to the vet. Will he adhere to medications? and a strict diet? that URI's are famous for? ....only God knows.

2) he takes her to an animal shelter, swears he "doesn't know her" but was turning her in, and she seems kinda sick.. maybe they should look into it.
(THIS ONE WORRIES ME... animal shelters, crowded ones... will not treat a URI and house a cat for adoption.. they will simply put her to sleep on the spot, no?)

and lastly but not least 3) he "wishes he could do more" but does nothing.
I know what a URI does to a cat when it goes untreated. She is in pain, my baby... but he will overlook it. and she will die curled up behind the couch, given.... a week, maybe 2 at most.

I don't know what to do. Coming so fresh from having to have Claymore put down to sleep (see Do Animals have Souls thread for details) it kills me to think.. even in the best of scenarios, that a shelter or a vet puts Lilly to sleep.. with no one responsible or capabale of giving her the care she needs... I can't stand to think of losing another animal so close together with losing Claymore. ..but like I said, I deserve what I get, I abandoned all rights to her when I left him.

So, keep crying. It does no good. It doesn't help me. It doesn't help her. It won't make him do the responsible thing.

Even if I did let him keep the money - I can't be sure he would use it towards her.. he's been given money to take care of things like this before in the past.. that mysteriously had to go to something else... and never got taken care of. What does he expect me to do from here? other than cry myself sick and hate myself? which I have been doing plenty of!

So, my last straw... if anyone should happen to live in the Tampa Bay area, in Florida. Free white little kitty to a good home. She was abused when I rescued her from the shelter, so she needs someone who's not afraid to give her time.. lots of love.. lots and lots of assurance. She will be your soulmate for life. She doesn't eat much.. she has beautiful green eyes. Her favorite color is blue. She answers to her name. Likes to go for walks. Loves to rumple your newly washed laundry. She will wait up till you get home, keep your feet warm all night, and gets highly offended when you "forget" to turn on the TV so she can catch this weeks episode of "Meerkat Manor". Oh, and if you take a bath - she "has" to perch on the side of the tub... you know, just to make sure everything is ok while you're in there.

Without anyone's intervention, I don't know what to do. I can't fly to florida and rescue her. I don't even have a place for her here, if she could get here. And I fear for her life if she stays where she is.... to be continued. I will try calling the ex back later today. I don't have a lot of faith that anything will have changed for the better.

What would you do if you were me?
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Old 07-23-2007, 02:59 PM
 
Location: ARK-KIN-SAW
3,434 posts, read 6,698,866 times
Reputation: 1537
Quote:
Originally Posted by fiddlekitten View Post
Let's give you the "abridged" story, shall we?

My cat lives in Flordai with my "ex". I am in Maryland with my mom at the moment.. I left the cat there when I drove away. I could barely take care of myself... as hard as I cried over leaving everything, I cried about leaving my cat behind. She is all white, very sweet, very tiny, even full grown. Only 4 years old, if that. I remember when I first got her, she was so tiny, (from the animal shelter) so scared. She got a bad cold when I first got her, due to the room I was staying in at the time, being so cold.. I remember nursing her back to health, keeping her alive when she would sneeze, little blood droplets would come out..and she just looked so sad. But we moved to warmer temperatures, and we got her a playmate... and she grew into a strong, healthy, loving, comfortable kitty. ...I couldn't take her with when I left. After numerous strenuous tear stained conversations with the "ex", I tried to convince him that it was for the best, if we did as little talking as possible... since, his life, I had no part in, and with all due respect, the life I was trying to piece back together, he had no part of either. (it sounds harsh, but after 4 years of investing all of myself into that relationship, I feel at this point, crying continuously is pointless, still talking with him (unless it's an emergency) is pointless. We just need to move on. And he doesn't like to let me "move on" if he can help it. Does this belong in the relationship thread? no.. it's about the cat. Sorry... let me get back on topic.

There are only 3 reasons I will talk with him now.. that I see reason for.

1) to talk about money. he sends me a small amount every month, to make up for the fact that he opened and ran up just over 4 thousand dollars worth of credit under my name without telling me. (and most of the time, even tho I send him an invoice through paypal, he "forgets" to check his mail to see a payment due, unless I call. I know this sounds like the generic exwife "only nagging him when she wants money" ..but, I didn't press charges when he opened accounts in my name.. I didn't even pitch a fit. By then, I was so depressed, it was all I could do to just walk away. I make enough money to cover the collections payments on my own every month if I have to. If he stops sending me money, there's nothing I can do about it. *shrug* and I'll just have to let it go and try to fix things on my own.

2) to keep a physical addres on him, in case he tries to move. (which he talks about frequently) ...only hitch is, until I send him the final divorce papers (which he is also refusing to cooperate with) I don't want him to disappear on me.. he disappeared on his last wife. (I was his second marriage), she says she had to blow a LOt of extra money (money that I don't have...) to have the divorce finalized "without a valid signature from him".

3) if there is an emergency with Lilly.... my baby. my kitty

In all fairness, I forfeit my right to her when I left her there. When I told him that he is not my life anymore, then he said if you don't want to hear about how I'm doing... then you don't have a right to ask about the cat either.
It stung, but most of what he has been saying for the past few months has.. so I let it go. It's the truth.

Tonight I get a call from him. Frustrating, after we just spent 3 hours on the phone the night before, rehashing that he can't call to "see how I'm doing" "see if I'm dating" ..or to let me know the latest medication he's on from his doctors to treat his clincal depression, losing his job, hating his life, etc... he starts by saying "there's a problem with Lilly. She's become very lethargic, and peeing blood." I don't need to be a vet to have the first thing screaming through my mind to be... TAKE HER TO A VET. this is the onslaught of a urinary tract infection, if not worse. Why does he tell me this, when he rubs in my face the night before that "I have no right to know how the cat is doing if I'm gone and gone and etc" .... why? oh it suddenly becomes very clear. It's because the money he was supposed to pay me a week ago, he says now he is broke... (how? I am handling the car payements, insurance, he pays no rent, living with his friend all this time... how is he broke????) I'm the one having to shell out money to every collections angency under the sun, and keep up with the car and help my mom out!! - but if he sends me the money he owes me for this month - there is nothing left.. and he can't take Lily to the vet.. and if he did, he wouldn't have any money left for anything.
Part of me wants to snap at him saying... even if you did have the money, you don't havea driver's liscence (at age 30)... to TAKE CARE of this kind of emergency even if you needed to. (but that's another story, long stemming of why I left him)

I've been mulling over this all night, and all morning. He hasn't called back, and hasn't answered the message I left him, with what I see as his options are.

1) he keeps the money he was going to send me (in theory) to take her to the vet. Will he adhere to medications? and a strict diet? that URI's are famous for? ....only God knows.

2) he takes her to an animal shelter, swears he "doesn't know her" but was turning her in, and she seems kinda sick.. maybe they should look into it.
(THIS ONE WORRIES ME... animal shelters, crowded ones... will not treat a URI and house a cat for adoption.. they will simply put her to sleep on the spot, no?)

and lastly but not least 3) he "wishes he could do more" but does nothing.
I know what a URI does to a cat when it goes untreated. She is in pain, my baby... but he will overlook it. and she will die curled up behind the couch, given.... a week, maybe 2 at most.

I don't know what to do. Coming so fresh from having to have Claymore put down to sleep (see Do Animals have Souls thread for details) it kills me to think.. even in the best of scenarios, that a shelter or a vet puts Lilly to sleep.. with no one responsible or capabale of giving her the care she needs... I can't stand to think of losing another animal so close together with losing Claymore. ..but like I said, I deserve what I get, I abandoned all rights to her when I left him.

So, keep crying. It does no good. It doesn't help me. It doesn't help her. It won't make him do the responsible thing.

Even if I did let him keep the money - I can't be sure he would use it towards her.. he's been given money to take care of things like this before in the past.. that mysteriously had to go to something else... and never got taken care of. What does he expect me to do from here? other than cry myself sick and hate myself? which I have been doing plenty of!

So, my last straw... if anyone should happen to live in the Tampa Bay area, in Florida. Free white little kitty to a good home. She was abused when I rescued her from the shelter, so she needs someone who's not afraid to give her time.. lots of love.. lots and lots of assurance. She will be your soulmate for life. She doesn't eat much.. she has beautiful green eyes. Her favorite color is blue. She answers to her name. Likes to go for walks. Loves to rumple your newly washed laundry. She will wait up till you get home, keep your feet warm all night, and gets highly offended when you "forget" to turn on the TV so she can catch this weeks episode of "Meerkat Manor". Oh, and if you take a bath - she "has" to perch on the side of the tub... you know, just to make sure everything is ok while you're in there.

Without anyone's intervention, I don't know what to do. I can't fly to florida and rescue her. I don't even have a place for her here, if she could get here. And I fear for her life if she stays where she is.... to be continued. I will try calling the ex back later today. I don't have a lot of faith that anything will have changed for the better.

What would you do if you were me?
just out of curiosity...could he possibly be telling you about the cat to "get back" at you for something..and in reality the cat is fine?
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Old 07-23-2007, 03:04 PM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,403 posts, read 9,322,811 times
Reputation: 5614
Quote:
Originally Posted by arguy1973 View Post
just out of curiosity...could he possibly be telling you about the cat to "get back" at you for something..and in reality the cat is fine?

....he's done that before. But I don't think he would go as far as to do that, involving LILLY! When you don't have children, your animals are your babies. And our kitties were our babies. I couldn't see him doing that. But then again~ I couldn't see him doing a lotof what he did.

I have to react under the worse possible assumption - that there is really something wrong with her. If not, . . . ?
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Old 07-23-2007, 03:11 PM
 
Location: ARK-KIN-SAW
3,434 posts, read 6,698,866 times
Reputation: 1537
Quote:
Originally Posted by fiddlekitten View Post
....he's done that before. But I don't think he would go as far as to do that, involving LILLY! When you don't have children, your animals are your babies. And our kitties were our babies. I couldn't see him doing that. But then again~ I couldn't see him doing a lotof what he did.

I have to react under the worse possible assumption - that there is really something wrong with her. If not, . . . ?
If you suspect hes not taking care of the cat, could you call the local sheriffs office? Just to check on the cat? You said "ex" dont know if you were married or not, BUT if you were or not, just because u left doesnt mean anything. You are still entitled to what is yours. You could call the local animal welfare or police organization there also to check on the cat.
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Old 07-23-2007, 03:39 PM
 
407 posts, read 1,222,500 times
Reputation: 355
You don't have a room or anyplace you could keep her where you are now?
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Old 07-23-2007, 03:48 PM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,403 posts, read 9,322,811 times
Reputation: 5614
Ok. Tried calling the Humane Society for Tampa Bay Area. it was before 5pm..but apparently I need to call tuesday through thursday only. they do pick ups.. they accept strays with health conditions... again, I worry that they will just cut their loss and put her to sleep.

If I had a place of my own I would have her with me in a heartbeat.. unfortunately, I am staying with my mom right now, who has "special needs" cats, whom she was very adamant in the past about not being able to accept any more cats, even temporarily. I will look into the humane society first thing tomorrow morning, as a last resort.
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Old 07-23-2007, 03:58 PM
 
12,758 posts, read 8,252,221 times
Reputation: 19024
Why don't you explain your situation to your mom and see what she suggests.
You say she was adamant "in the past"-but maybe knowing what's going on with your cat now, she may have a change of heart, or some ideas.
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Old 07-23-2007, 04:36 PM
 
407 posts, read 1,222,500 times
Reputation: 355
Quote:
Originally Posted by fuzzymystic View Post
Why don't you explain your situation to your mom and see what she suggests.
You say she was adamant "in the past"-but maybe knowing what's going on with your cat now, she may have a change of heart, or some ideas.
I think that is a good suggestion. Maybe she would let you keep the cat in just your room until you get a place of your own? If that isn't possible maybe you could look for rescue groups or no-kill shelters in that area. Does the Humane Society still execute them for overcrowding?

I am curious as to how he knows she is peeing blood. I can't ever get a good look at my cat's pee without putting in a lot of effort (tilted litter box with almost no litter and he still usually pulls the litter into it) How did he happen to see her pee? I do think it is a good idea to try to get her to you or find her a new home but I also think he may be using this as an excuse to keep contact with you and make you feel bad. What a crappy situation! I'm so sorry!
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Old 07-23-2007, 04:43 PM
 
12,758 posts, read 8,252,221 times
Reputation: 19024
Quote:
Originally Posted by clawson26 View Post
I think that is a good suggestion. Maybe she would let you keep the cat in just your room until you get a place of your own? If that isn't possible maybe you could look for rescue groups or no-kill shelters in that area. Does the Humane Society still execute them for overcrowding?

I am curious as to how he knows she is peeing blood. I can't ever get a good look at my cat's pee without putting in a lot of effort (tilted litter box with almost no litter and he still usually pulls the litter into it) How did he happen to see her pee? I do think it is a good idea to try to get her to you or find her a new home but I also think he may be using this as an excuse to keep contact with you and make you feel bad. What a crappy situation! I'm so sorry!
Maybe the cat is peeing outside the litter box. Isn't that what they do sometimes when there's something wrong with them?
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Old 07-23-2007, 04:47 PM
 
407 posts, read 1,222,500 times
Reputation: 355
Quote:
Originally Posted by fuzzymystic View Post
Maybe the cat is peeing outside the litter box. Isn't that what they do sometimes when there's something wrong with them?

You're right...hadn't thought of that .
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