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I try to keep reminding myself of that. It is completely selfish of me to have wanted to keep her alive longer. She was not in pain but was not comfortable. She had no tumors but her liver and kidneys were enlarged. Geez. I'm going to make myself nuts with this stuff.
It's been a month since I put Lokai to sleep. I guess I'm recovering. I can go for a few days without crying and when I do cry, it's not the gut-wrenching, loss of control crying I've been doing. I still miss her so bad it makes my heart and chest ache. I just sort of slog through the days, trying to get stuff done. My husband says I'm making progress. I hope he isn't just saying that.
It's been a month since I put Lokai to sleep. I guess I'm recovering. I can go for a few days without crying and when I do cry, it's not the gut-wrenching, loss of control crying I've been doing. I still miss her so bad it makes my heart and chest ache. I just sort of slog through the days, trying to get stuff done. My husband says I'm making progress. I hope he isn't just saying that.
You are. Just keep hanging in there, and it will get better.
All of you here have been so kind and non-judgemental of me while I've been trying to put myself back together after losing Lokai. I want to share with you something that happened to me a week ago. This is a very deep spiritual event so if anyone out there isn't interested in hearing something like that, this would be a good place to stop reading.
Not a day or maybe even an hour has gone by since I put Lokai to sleep that I haven't asked/begged/pleaded with God to intervene somehow, take the pain away, give me understanding, something to hang onto. Alas, nothing. But I kept praying. I was on my way home from work last Monday and burst into tears while I was driving. Immediately I cried out for God to stop the pain. Again I begged and pleaded for what seemed like an hour but was probably really 30 seconds. No answer. I got my act together so I didn't wreck my car and tried to think of something else.
I don't know what I was thinking about but I started to realize that there was a picture materializing in my mind. It was like something coming toward me through fog. When it became clear, I was looking at a white marble throne upon which God was sitting. I don't know how I knew the throne was marble but I did. Everything was white: His robes, the background, everything....except Lokai who was sitting/laying on His lap. I couldn't see His head or hands but I knew they were there. Lokai was never much of a lap cat and I could tell she wasn't wild about sitting on His lap, but she did what He commanded her to do. Her front paws were hanging over His knees. She almost always did that, hang her paws over the edge of something. I think I said thank you, I don't know, but immediately everything changed. I was calm like I hadn't been in months. The picture faded the same way it showed up. Since then, things have been.....not as painful. Life is tolerable now.
I'm no artist but I sketched a rough pencil drawing of what I saw and I'm going to look for someone to draw or paint it for me. Only 4 times in my life have I been unmistakenly touched by the Holy Spirit. That was one of them.
Oh man, you know it!!! Never ever in my most imaginative state could I ever have thought up something like that. But you know what? He didn't make it so that I ran off the road or anything. I was completely aware of where I was on the road, but for a few seconds, that "vision" overtook me completely. I told Him that vision would have been really helpful a few weeks earlier......and I could just feel Him saying, "my time, not yours".
Hi new here and have been reading through all the posts in this thread. My sweet boy Mcbain was diagnosed with Lymphoma in his small intestines a month ago. We opted to go with a holistic approach however the tumor has continued to grow. As of this weekend he no longer wants to eat but still drinks from his fountain. I started feed assisting him which he's handling well but it looks like its time for us to let him go. He's not having bathroom issues at this time so we are giving him a few more days with us. This is the hardest thing Ive ever gone through with a pet. Trying to stay strong.
Thank you, yes he knows he's loved. We tell him everyday and give him lots of love and kisses. I tried to upload a picture of him but I can't figure out how to. He's such a beautiful boy!
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