Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Pets > Cats
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-28-2012, 07:32 PM
 
786 posts, read 1,584,594 times
Reputation: 1796

Advertisements

. . . but I understand, I guess. Not sure why cats pick one person to love and that's it. Smoke is a feral, I rescued her, I raised her, but she has cleaved to my partner and will have nothing to do with me, it doesn't make sense to me. She is a beautiful feral, and I yearn [don't make fun] to hold her and nuzzle her like my partner does, but it's claws and teeth for me. I get it but I don't. Thank goodness for our other newer rescue cat, she is currently sitting on the back of my chair but still favors my partner. I wonder if my employees feel the same way about me, that I'm cold and not someone to warm up to. I've been at my job for 30 years so I guess I'm who I am but I trust these cats more than any human, so maybe they're trying to teach me something. I've had dogs my entire adult life, but only these felines have been able to break me down. Would be interested in others who have had similar experiences.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-28-2012, 07:55 PM
 
11,196 posts, read 19,361,651 times
Reputation: 23957
Hmmm....that would bother me too. A lot.

It may be your scent. Cats are scent oriented. Do you wear perfume? Strong smelling shampoo or soap? Is there an odor associated with the place you work maybe? Do you smoke? Drink alcohol? Eat a lot of spicy foods? Take medication? (some medications can change your body odor)

One suggestion that I have read from people who work in rescue is to spray feliway on your hands. Maybe in your case, put it on your pulse points, too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2012, 09:24 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 5,823,333 times
Reputation: 4342
JJ is utterly my cat...I'm the only one allowed to snuggle and love him up. He'll tolerate being held by others for maybe 30 seconds, tops. Once in great while he'll curl on someone's lap while they're in the recliner, but they still can't wrap him up and hold him tight. Overstepping his boundaries is risking a bite.

On the other hand...Robin is my mom's cat. She's perfectly pleasant to me and won't refuse a petting, but she won't sit with me for hours like she does my mom. She won't sleep with me or come running as soon as I sit down to climb in my lap.

Many cats do just cleave to one person (and I love that term, btw, it's a perfect way to describe it.) My grandfather had a huge black tomcat named Spike who would chase people from the house. The only one allowed to even look at this cat without risk of injury was the old man himself.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, a bonding happens that goes deeper. While it can be painful to be on the outside of it, I don't think it says anything about your character. It really isn't about you at all...souls sometimes just call to each other. It just makes it more difficult because you raised her, so I think it is natural to feel in a way that you've earned a bond, or to think that something must be wrong if a bond isn't there. But cats are mysterious critters who thrive on doing the unexpected.

All of that said, you could try your hand at subtle bribery (or not so subtle, really.) If your partner is willing to share the attention, you could do as Catsmom suggests and dab on some Feliway. Make sure you are the one who feeds her and make sure she sees you putting the food out. Find some super tasty treats that only you are allowed to give her. Spend some time alone just one on one in a room. Don't try to force anything...just get down on her level and sit. Just observe and be 'with' her. It may take some time, but it is possible to achieve a deeper bond in some cases. Not all though...but again, I don't think it's about you at all if it never happens...it's about your partner and Smoke and the frustrating, mysterious power that is the cat-human bond. I think cats just know if they makes too easy they give up the power to make us grovel for their attention!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2012, 09:52 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,807 posts, read 7,554,183 times
Reputation: 3294
I have one who is velcroed to me 24/7 and doesn't allow anyone else to even pet him, except my BF, and he spent a LONG time bribing this cat with treats, LOL!
My other cat is the biggest flirt on the planet, and she loves everybody she meets. OP, if you were in this house right now, I guarantee she would be all over you and purring like a motor .

Ferals are tricky, and if a feral even allows you to go near her, let alone pet her, and she is willingly in your home with you, I consider that a very high honor...your "cat vibe" is clearly in-tact and functioning at optimum levels . I would be bummed out if one of my cats clearly preferred snuggling with my BF to me, but cats are just funny like that...I agree with the idea that it's a soul-connection that draws them to specific people over others, and nothing to take personally or make you feel like you're not a perfect candidate for the duty of being some lucky cat's most beloved human companion .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2012, 09:52 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,499 posts, read 53,797,672 times
Reputation: 47905
Oscar is definitely in love with me. He gets in my lap and gazes at me with such devotion I'm sometimes embarrassed for him. But he will also get in DH's lap for kisses and love. But not the deep-eyes-roll -way-back-in-the-head kind of love he does with me.

Langley will take any lap available. he is not too picky but he is shy and he is a nibbler which DH doesn't tolerate as well as I do.

It would make me very sad to share my home and hearth with any pet who would not let me cuddle. I just gotta have puppy/kitty cuddles.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2012, 09:59 PM
 
Location: the wrong side of the tracks Richmond, VA
585 posts, read 2,007,476 times
Reputation: 793
I totally understand how you feel and I'm sorry. Wish I had some great suggestions for you but all I can say is give it time. Have you tried ignoring her? Perhaps you are smothering and she wants to give love on her own terms? Hard to say without knowing your situation.

One of my cats prefers my boyfriend (who does not live with me) to me. In fact, he prefers just about ANYONE who comes over to my house to me. He isn't mean to me or anything and I get a few loving head butts here and there (that I absolutely love) but for whatever reason, he just isn't very loving with me. I don't force it and he has warmed up quite a bit since I got him but he'll never be lovey with me, he's just not that kind of cat.

While it may not be at all related to why Smoke treats you like she does, I love that you have reflected on the situation as you have - most people would not give it a second thought or take it as a "lesson," the fact that you have shows a lot about your character.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2012, 10:37 PM
 
Location: Northern Illinois
2,186 posts, read 4,547,662 times
Reputation: 6398
I'm sorry you feel that way, but maybe you're trying too hard. Be patient, and in time she may come around. I am thankful that she is rescued and at least has someone in her life who can care for her and keep her safe. Have you tried coaxing her with some toys that you can interact with her while you play - like those feathery boas on a stick? If you can get her interested enough to play she may let her guard down enough to "forget" she doesn't like you. You may remind her of someone who was mean to her at some time. Just try to be in her "area", offer her food, try some catnip, playing, anything pleasant to a cat. Do not attempt to force her, it will only make it worse. And lastly, I personally would NEVER "make fun" of someone who wanted the joy of holding and snuggling with a cat. It is a wonderful experience, and I feel positively special when our kids "allow" me the pleasure of their company. She may never come around, sadly, and you will just have to be content to be in her periphery, and admire her from afar. I do wish you the best of luck with her.....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-31-2012, 12:23 PM
 
786 posts, read 1,584,594 times
Reputation: 1796
Thanks for the support and suggestions. I do play with Smoke, she loves "Da Bird" as does Ash. When I'm eating pistaccio nuts, she jumps up on the arm of the chair and waits for a nut, she comes in my room at night and eats/drinks as we have a feeding station in my bedroom, she waits under the dresser for me to change the water each night and takes a fresh drink which I enjoy doing for her. Ash could care less. She will lovingly gaze at me with those slow blinks, but I can't pet her or pick her up without getting nailed. When my partner holds her, she's fine with me petting her and giving her a kiss so I take advantage of that, she just looks at me as if to say, you're damn lucky daddy's got me or you'd be in big trouble! So I'm OK with it I guess, I'm just glad Ash is around to make up for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-31-2012, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Virginia
575 posts, read 1,985,051 times
Reputation: 851
Boy do I feel your pain LOL. So my first cat ever was completely in love with me. My husband liked him but didn't really want him, so they never really bonded. Friskie was my animal soul mate. Then we got Grace - she was mine too! Only loves her momma and to this day (she's nearly 5) she doesn't really like dad much. A few years ago Friskie passed away - I was traumatized in every way.

In came Lexie - she loves me but it's not the same. She's her own little sassy self and is indifferent to her daddy and likes me enough when she wants to.

So we got Simon - HE was going to be my "new Friskie" EPIC FAIL. That cat all but hates me. It's actually funny how much he LOVES his daddy - it's almost unnatural how attached that cat is to my husband. And I talk to him and he just slicks back his ears and turns his head away. It's like I can feel him thinking "oh God - does SHE still live here?" or " just go scoop the poop lady".

It had made me cry that Simon honestly dislikes me -but it's the dig that he likes my husband so much! You kinda think "what's wrong with me?" But some of it I think is just they latch on to someone for an unexplained reason. Some of it boils down to knowing cat behavior. Like when a cat will always attach to the company that dislikes cats. Because that is the person disinterested int them and so is least threatening. They are not "invading" the cat space. They are not looking the cat in they eye, not calling or talking to the cat, making noises etc to get the cat's attention like all the other guests that want to pet the cat. But those well meaning gestures are invasive and tend to put a cat off.

I think the trick is to try to BE LIKE a cat when trying to make friends with one. Number one is be uninterested and Aloof unless you come across the atypical cat that bounds right up to strangers like a dog. At the end of the day a cat can't stand being ignored in his own home. They WILL come check out the stranger on the sofa. Same with you and your cat- (and me and my SIMON). Now that I have just waved the white flag and decided not to be the third wheel in the love triangle, Simon is more affectionate to me. He will come sit in my lap on occasion - but I never ask him to, he has to choose to. He will even sleep with me now. Keep in mind we have another kitten and this has taken about 3 years BUT he doesn't hate me anymore but I'm still clearly the bottom rung on the ladder LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-31-2012, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Coeur d'Alene, Idaho
414 posts, read 1,089,155 times
Reputation: 624
My cat is a needy little attention ... I don't think I can say the last word here.... But suffice it to say, if a person has hands to pet with and/or a lap to sit on, my cat will be all over the person, acting like he's terribly abused and has never gotten an ounce of love or attention. The only things he's put off by are sudden, unpredictable movements and loud (especially screechy) sounds. In other words, he's pretty good with most adults and older children, but he'll avoid babies and young children like the plague.

In addition to the great points catsmom21 made about scent above, I think a non-threatening, soothing voice has a lot to do with how many cats respond to people, as well as having a calm demeanor. Cats can also sense stress. Some will attempt to comfort a stressed person, others will be repelled by it, so that may be something to take into consideration.

There is also the fact that some cats just tend to bond with one person and consider everyone else an outsider for no apparent reason.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Pets > Cats
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top