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I'm still trying to get a picture of her. I got the can of beans out. She's three times the size of it now. She thinks I'm crazy----why do you keep putting me next to this can of beans?!?!?!?!
Anyways, I need some advice about taming ferals. She is tame enough for me, but I think I need to be doing more for her own well being. I have been reading on the internet. I have read that ferals might tame with one person and be feral with everyone else.
She clearly is mostly tame with me. I guess she imprinted on me. Even though she lived in my son's room with him for two weeks, she seems to have forgotten the close bond they developed. She doesn't run from him but she won't let him pick her up. She isn't hiding from my husband anymore. He plays with her, but he has not held her, they have not touched each other. She has hidden and ran from every single guest except one. I have read that it's super important to expose them to many people so they aren't feral with people other than the primary caregiver. I'm trying but I have limited people to expose her for extended periods of time.
My other concern is she has not left the living room. Our entire first floor is open concept. She could go anywhere but she never leaves this room. She has ventured into the kitchen a few feet, only to run back into the living room. I'm a bit worried because she is 10 weeks old now. I've read that it's best to tame ferals between ages 4 to 6 weeks. We got her at 6 weeks. I feel like I might be running out of time acclimating her to new environments. Everyone else with kittens have them running all over their house. Should I literally pick her up and carry her to other rooms?
Don't get me wrong. She's one very happy kitty. She plays, climbs, runs, cuddles, talks and purrs constantly. She is still skittish though. Her not leaving the living room concerns me. I wish I could help her be more comfortable around other people too. Any ideas?
I think most of this will just take time. There was a great thread here where someone adopted two grown cats, one of whom had been feral, and it hid in the garage for months before making friends with her family. She accepted none of them at first, but came around. I wish I could think of the poster's name.
She may never be friendly with strangers, and it would be better if she didn't hide from them in case you use pet sitters in the future, but you can't really force it on her. Tell people to ignore her when they're in your home. Trying to make friends with her will be counterproductive.
You will probably always be her "favorite", but she may grow closer to your son again if he doesn't try to force himself on her, for example picking her up unless it's necessary for some reason. Some cats really dislike being picked up. My oldest is picked up every day in nice weather, to sit outside in her crate. She wants to do this. She hangs around the door meowing, asking to do it. She knows she must be carried to the crate. But she yowls and sometimes growls at me every single day when I pick her up to do it. Once she's where she wants to be, she's happy again. This has been going on for many years! She just hates being picked up, even if it's for something she likes.
But getting back to your son, if he plays a little harder to get, she'll probably be friendlier to him. Cats like to think things are their own idea. My oldest cat was supposed to be my daughter's, but has always liked my husband and me better, just because my daughter tried to force herself on her too much. She was young, and never learned no matter how much I tried to explain it. She likes my daughter better now, 9 years later, but still not as much as us. The attempts to force affection just went on too long, and truthfully my daughter still tries just a little too hard with her at times.
I hope some of this helps!
Last edited by subject2change; 07-21-2013 at 06:59 AM..
Hi Hopes!!! I still love "the beans" thing - that is the cutest thing!!! I don't think I would consider her still feral at this point - she has bonded with you and she does interact with your son and husband. Sometimes if you try too hard to attract them to you - they will do just the opposite of what you want. If you ignore her - she will want to see what you're all about, but if you want to hold her or cuddle - she wants no part of it. That's part of cat nature - we have 22 of them in our house. Each has a very distinctive personality. Some were mine and some were hubby's when we got married. I can do most anything to "mine". Some like to be held - some don't. Some of his won't even let me touch them at all after all these years. They lounge all over him, but if I look cross eyed at them they run and hide. No idea why - I have never been mean to them or done anything that I know of to make them distrust me. Others of his hang all over me....why?? You could actually pick her up and give her a "tour" of the house. Let her see everything and look around, explore. She may retreat into her safe spot, but you will have planted a seed in her little mind - there is more out there to explore. Try taking some toys (Basset proof, of course!) in other rooms for her to find, those sticks with feathers on them are excellent - entice her with one and drag it all through the house and let her "catch" you....she will be in another room without even realizing it. I hate to say this - but the best medicine for her may be a playmate - another one near her age to play with and love. Two are really no more trouble than one - and they are so much fun to watch!!!
I haven't seen anything in your description of her behavior that I would call 'feral', but rather just being a normal kitten. She's still young and her personality is still developing. By not having a sibling her own age, she's having to learn/explore her world on her own. So she may be a bit more shy or skittish around other people. She'll eventually expand her comfort zone to other areas of the home, as she gets more confident.
Thank you everyone for your comments. I played with a feather toy and got her into the kitchen. I asked hubby to hold her and pet her. He says she does let him pet her. He said he will start letting her climb on him and hold her.
This is the best article I have found on feral kittens.
I'm not 100% sure she will be staying with us. I'm not saying she won't be. I'm just trying to ensure that she is properly socialized in case she needs to be placed in another home. If she only attaches herself to me and hisses and spits at strangers, that could hinder her being placed.
It's a long story. She's so super sweet. I want what is best for her. I have the feeling that I'm patient and tolerant of her because she needs me. I don't need her though. It reminds me of a pet rat I "rescued." My son's friend moved out of his parent's house. He was afraid for his pet rat. I agreed to take him. I didn't like rats but I held that rat every single day because I knew he had a life with lots of affection. I did it for him because I was compassionate for his needs. When he died 6 months later, (rats only life 2 to 3 years), I felt like I didn't give him enough of me. It was one pet death that bothered me the most because I knew I didn't/couldn't give him the life he needed. It's not like he could spend the entire day out of the cage with the basset around.
When Bobbles climbs onto my chest multiple times a day and needs loving, I give it to her with the most tender compassion in my heart, but I can't say I'm enjoying it. I'm doing it for her, not me. I'm hoping I will fall in love, but I'm trying to prepare for what's best for her if I don't. Bobbles deserves more than coexisting. She's such a great sweet gentle soul. I just feel she needs to be with someone who NEEDS to be needed---if that makes any sense.
It does make sense, but I just cannot imagine going through what you have with her, and to see her on the brink of death and to realize now that she is alive and well and happy because of your selfless care and devotion to her - I just can't imagine all of that not making such an impact on you that you could ever consider letting her go. I know you have a family, and a dog, and a life.....and your heart was big enough to give this gal a chance. You made a difference to a living creature. THAT is simply awesome. I do think you have a wonderful heart and I applaud you - but you need to do what is best for all of you considered. If you know that you will never be able to love her the way she deserves - then the kindest thing for her would be to re-home her asap. That act is something that I personally cannot even imagine - I literally choke up when I think about it - but then I do get attached to them quickly since I spend so much time with them. Whatever you end up doing - you saved her life....and at the end of the day - that act in itself is the most that anyone could have asked for.
It does make sense, but I just cannot imagine going through what you have with her, and to see her on the brink of death and to realize now that she is alive and well and happy because of your selfless care and devotion to her - I just can't imagine all of that not making such an impact on you that you could ever consider letting her go. I know you have a family, and a dog, and a life.....and your heart was big enough to give this gal a chance. You made a difference to a living creature. THAT is simply awesome. I do think you have a wonderful heart and I applaud you - but you need to do what is best for all of you considered. If you know that you will never be able to love her the way she deserves - then the kindest thing for her would be to re-home her asap. That act is something that I personally cannot even imagine - I literally choke up when I think about it - but then I do get attached to them quickly since I spend so much time with them. Whatever you end up doing - you saved her life....and at the end of the day - that act in itself is the most that anyone could have asked for.
I rescued 7 feral kittens in summer 2010, and adopted out 6 of them - with the help of local feral / cat groups - for spaying and advice and advertisement, etc - they were very helpful to me. I found most of them really do 'the Lord's work' for cats and kittens.
I would have kept one more had I known the last one would be deemed 'unadoptable'. She's just way to shy around most everyone but me. And one clue is - her name is HISSY, because she was the last one I caught (also the oldest) and she would run and hide between 2 file cabs in our office (kitten room) and so I would put on a leather glove and reach in and pet her several times a day, while she hissed and hissed (so cute when kittens hiss). Well, finally she came around, and came out, and finally purred and all, and now she actually rarely hisses, but she's just too shy about other people. I'm a 'cat person' so it's fine with me - and eventually I'll get her a buddy (and I hope they will become buddies too). LOL
That said - it was HARD to let the others go, though I had it in my mind from the beginning of "the kitten project". (Our dog of nearly 15 years passed away and a feral group moved quickly into our backyard and suddenly they were all having kittens!! (We got the mama's fixed too.)
What was the most helpful however, was that most of them went to seemingly 'heavenly' homes. One in particular went to a retired lady who had a cat 'group' and she was actually adopting 2 cats, knowing that 2 of her current 4 'had one paw on a banana peel' as she put it. I could tell she loved and spoiled her cats so much - it made it 99% ok to let Pepper go to such a wonderful home. And she sends us email updates a couple times a year. Pepper is truly in 'cat haven' where he is.
Another one - lady who loved Siamese - had a patio-size, outdoor, cat enclosure, for her indoor-only cat group. Another 2 went to my sister - so I actually get to see them periodically. They don't remember me as much as they did!! But they have warmed up to her just fine.
If you do adopt out - I would just recommend being willing to say 'no' if in doubt. Tell them you need to think about it - or ask the adoption folks to tell them no for you, if it's difficult for you. It's best, if possible, if you feel good about the placement.
It's not easy to adopt out, but I've come to realize there are LOTS of cat-lovers out there.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. I just wanted to clarify that I mean the rat couldn't be out of the cage all day. Bobbles isn't in a cage ever. She is with me all day.
I realize I need to make a decision within the next couple of weeks since she's 9 weeks old. If she stays, she'll stay forever because we're the type of people who believe pets are a lifetime commitment. I would never decide months from now that she needed to go. I realize there is a small window for when it's appropriate for her over the next few weeks.
I'm just trying to figure out what's best for her because she deserves the very best. Maybe I'm what's best. Maybe not. I'm trying to sort out my feelings. I had a great talk with my husband after I posted this thread, and he was super supportive. We came to the conclusion it is very possible this has nothing to do with Bobbles and everything to do with a few people who are draining me emotionally lately.
I do have someone fantastic in mind. He would provide Bobbles with a wonderful life and all of the love in the world. I'm not sure if he's ready for another cat, but I know he would be great for Bobbles if he is.
Awwwwww, Hopes, you have given Bobbles the opportunity for a wonderful life, whether with you or with the friend you have in mind. That is worth a lot.
I am like CFoulke, I simply can't imagine re-homing one of my kitties no matter how much they drive me crazy on certain days -- I too get teary at the mere thought. But Hopes, I read your description of Bobbles climbing on you and you not enjoying it and for me that is incomprehensible. She is clearly so, so bonded to you (which to me means she isn't feral at all), which should mean it's possible for her to bond to other humans, especially when she is so young.
Whatever you decide, you will always know that you saved her life and gave her joy. That is an amazing thing.
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Once she's where she wants to be, she's happy again. This has been going on for many years! She just hates being picked up, even if it's for something she likes.
