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Old 01-01-2014, 12:37 PM
 
6,140 posts, read 12,532,163 times
Reputation: 8543

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Why do I know this so well? I was with a man like this, for over 20 years. If you think he is abusive to the cat, wait until you have kids...

Nothing you say, will ever count, or be listened to. This is just the beginning. Maybe, the value of being my age, is to help others, see the paths they are on, and try to help them see the future. It is not easy to see the future, from where you are now...Do anything you can, to get away from this guy. Don't justify things, or state it is impossible to get away from him because of finances, you live together, all the other entanglements that are present...just listen to that very, small part of you, who knows, this is not right for you...and sit down, and figure out how to end things now, before you spend the next 20 years of your life this way...

Again, I agree with every word. This guy has red flags all over him. Get rid of him now, before it's too late.


And don't forget to change the locks.
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Old 01-01-2014, 12:43 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 91,977,747 times
Reputation: 30378
My concern is for the safety of the cat when she breaks up with him. He is not respecting the OP's feelings and clearly takes pleasure in causing the OP distress about her cat. It's an on again off again relationship with him living in her house. That translates to "she can't get rid of him." Possibly because she fears him. Even if she doesn't, she should.

When the OP is ready to break up with the boyfriend, I recommend removing the cat from the household prior to telling him. Keep the cat at the home of a friend or relative or kennel the cat. Keep the cat away from the house until he has moved out. Don't bring the cat back until you know the house is safe and you've changed the locks.

Let's hope he's not one of those stalker freaks who break into the house after a breakup. I had one of those. Someone I just dated and never lived with. My advice is speaking from experience of what these warning signs have the potential of becoming. I'm taking super scary stuff.
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Old 01-01-2014, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Foothills of Northern California
442 posts, read 482,801 times
Reputation: 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmjones311 View Post
My 14ish year old cat has been indoors for the last 12 years since I found him as a stray. He has never minded staying inside. I found out several months back that my BF has let him out into the backyard several times, and I'm NOT happy. He says he watches him, but im sure he doesnt have his eyes on him every single second, and I still don't want him going out. There's poison ivy by the fence, stray cats that hang around that probably leave fleas all over the yard, and neighbors on all 3 sides have dogs. Fenced, but anything could happen, ya know?

Now that he's gotten a taste of being outside, he's slipped out without our knowledge twice, one day being out the entire day while we were at work. And he yowls loudly at the door, which my BF hates. I told him he created that monster, but he says,"The cat likes it outside!" I said I don't give a ****, I don't want my car going out anymore. It's become a battle between us, because he's not respecting my feelings about it.

Am I overreacting?
In Foster care, we saw a film of children being forced to remain inside. Same as their cat. And all had funny eyes, meaning we all need to be outside. It explained how the sun, running around free actually causes the brain to positively re-wire itself. We were created to be outside, wild animals moreso. And just because you get to pet them doesn't make them any less of what they are,animals who deserve to be outside. Abuse is never ok, even in the form of "protection" Obviously if your cat wants outside, allow him to. If it were me, I do it in increments. Meaning two hours here or there at first, until the cat get's used to being a normal cat as he was created to be. I'd also watch him. He wil eventually enjoy freely creeping around at night and such as cats are intended to do. Do what comes natural. Unless hes been inside so long the lack of outside and natural sunlight, running about has retarded him to a severe degree. Humans are quite good at abuse in the name of something good. Often it's imagined. It's all about us, our needs instead of using common sense.

Anyhow most cats, even after this abuse will adjust but it needs to be a delicate time. Meaning go slow, don't force anything. Cat will do what comes natural for an animal, for a cat. Don't judge or intervene. Common sense says animals were created to be outside for a reason, to hunt and freely play. the cat doesn't want to be inside though it's fine if she comes in sometimes. In fact, it's kinda nice...

Last edited by californiawomann5; 01-01-2014 at 01:01 PM..
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Old 01-01-2014, 12:52 PM
 
1,373 posts, read 2,468,163 times
Reputation: 1426
No you are not. I wish more cat owners were as sensible & cared about their cats and neighbours more. I hate cats if you dont want your cat being poisoned by my poison ivy & white lilies and other stuff, keep it in your own home.
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Old 01-01-2014, 01:29 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 91,977,747 times
Reputation: 30378
Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
I hate cats.
Somehow you took a wrong turn and ended up in the wrong forum.
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Old 01-01-2014, 01:34 PM
 
1,373 posts, read 2,468,163 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Somehow you took a wrong turn and ended up in the wrong forum.
I meant to say I LOVE cats
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Old 01-01-2014, 01:45 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 91,977,747 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
I meant to say I LOVE cats
That's much better. You may stay as long as you behave.
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Old 01-01-2014, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
4,753 posts, read 6,068,240 times
Reputation: 3714
Quote:
Originally Posted by californiawomann5 View Post
And just because you get to pet them doesn't make them any less of what they are,animals who deserve to be outside. Abuse is never ok, even in the form of "protection" Obviously if your cat wants outside, allow him to. If it were me, I do it in increments. Meaning two hours here or there at first, until the cat get's used to being a normal cat as he was created to be. I'd also watch him. He wil eventually enjoy freely creeping around at night and such as cats are intended to do.
I have outdoor cats but I think it's incredibly naive to think that a cat that's lived 10 years inside would be OK as an outdoor cat. Am I reading you right that you think it's OK to leave a cat out at night and just cross your fingers? Are you really equating having an indoor cat to abuse? Do you know what the word abuse means?

OP, I'm a guy but I agree with everyone else who says dump the boyfriend. It's your place and your rules. If he can't respect that it will just get worse over time.
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Old 01-01-2014, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
17,631 posts, read 11,067,407 times
Reputation: 37650
Quote:
Originally Posted by californiawomann5 View Post
In Foster care, we saw a film of children being forced to remain inside. Same as their cat. And all had funny eyes, meaning we all need to be outside. It explained how the sun, running around free actually causes the brain to positively re-wire itself. We were created to be outside, wild animals moreso. And just because you get to pet them doesn't make them any less of what they are,animals who deserve to be outside. Abuse is never ok, even in the form of "protection" Obviously if your cat wants outside, allow him to. If it were me, I do it in increments. Meaning two hours here or there at first, until the cat get's used to being a normal cat as he was created to be. I'd also watch him. He wil eventually enjoy freely creeping around at night and such as cats are intended to do. Do what comes natural. Unless hes been inside so long the lack of outside and natural sunlight, running about has retarded him to a severe degree. Humans are quite good at abuse in the name of something good. Often it's imagined. It's all about us, our needs instead of using common sense.

Anyhow most cats, even after this abuse will adjust but it needs to be a delicate time. Meaning go slow, don't force anything. Cat will do what comes natural for an animal, for a cat. Don't judge or intervene. Common sense says animals were created to be outside for a reason, to hunt and freely play. the cat doesn't want to be inside though it's fine if she comes in sometimes. In fact, it's kinda nice...
You are confusing Foster Children with domesticated house cats. We have had cats for the past 45 or so years and none of them have been outdoor cats. They all had access to a screened porch or lanai and all of them had GREAT lives. They were well fed, medically cared for, had every luxury we could give them, lots and lots of love and attention, and a SAFE environment.

By contrast, I feed some feral cats every night at my shop and those poor animals have a horrible life. They seem to last about a year or maybe 3 if they are lucky, and they will never know the secure environment we cat lovers provide for our much loved tabbys. My heart aches for them. We have one right now, Mama Cat, who comes every night, and when we leave the shop she looks very confused and sad because she has to leave the blanket we put on the floor for her and she has to go back to the "freedom" you describe. If the hawks don't get them cars do, or sometimes even mean people who think it is cool to shoot them to get rid of them.

I think you are also confusing house cats with captive animals that live in a zoo. Ours are nowhere near that in any way.

Don
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Old 01-01-2014, 03:09 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,776 posts, read 18,676,916 times
Reputation: 24319
Im in the kick the jackazz to the curb camp he is endangering your cats life and he (the bf needs to go )
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