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Old 01-02-2014, 04:59 AM
 
5,879 posts, read 11,784,837 times
Reputation: 7989

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Quote:
Originally Posted by californiawomann5 View Post
She lacked vitamin D due to the lack of sunlight of her confinement.
Her kids were worse as she got to go outside at least, -AND- in the house part of the time. She helped run his business many years after her kidnapping.

The lack of Vitamin D affected her children much more though
they all suffered from complications due to that. Whether in a house, or in a tent, that's just symantics.
Cats do not synthesize vitamin D from sunlight. They get it from their food.

Quote:
Animals were meant to be outside, we all know this.
No, "we all" don't know this. You are entitled to your own opinion of course, archaic as it is. But many don't agree with you.

Domesticated animals are social creatures who bond deeply to their humans. Most are quite happy living inside. Safe warm fed, free of disease.

Last edited by catsmom21; 01-02-2014 at 05:59 AM..
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:58 AM
 
Location: zone 5
7,330 posts, read 12,579,841 times
Reputation: 9578
I have three cats. All were 4-5 months old when I got them. One has always been afraid of the outdoors, for some reason. The youngest, now 2, has never tried to go outside. My oldest did used to slip out the door constantly when she was young. I got her a crate to sit outside in with a blankie and water, when the weather is nice. I got her a harness and slim tie out. I take her on walks in the yard. I sit outside with her and let her roam on her tie out. She's apparently happy, because she never, ever tries to slip out on her own since I did that. I don't always feel like taking her on a walk, or sitting outside with her. She likes to do so even when the weather is a little cool for my taste. But I do it. Her happiness is important to me. Her safety is also important to me. She is far from abused. All the cats have tons of toys, cat trees, sleeping places everywhere. They have good lives, no behavioral issues. People who disagree with you don't have selfish reasons for doing so.
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:03 AM
 
Location: Area 51.5
13,904 posts, read 11,020,676 times
Reputation: 9036
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macrina View Post
I agree, and would go on to say that this issue could be a deal-breaker in terms of the relationship. t least it would be for me.

It's your cat, your home, and your clearly stated wishes which he's not respecting.
Me, too. Deal breaker, for sure. The bf has got to go!
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Old 01-02-2014, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Colorado
9,846 posts, read 6,309,833 times
Reputation: 17745
*le sigh*

1. Posting in forums on the internet, comments designed to incite an angry response from other forum users.

2. Posting in such a way as to drag the conversation off-topic.

There's a word for ^ that. Just sayin'.

Anyhow, again, like anything in a relationship, you've got to pick your battles. Ask yourself how important this is, to you. I know people who have put pets to sleep because they peed on floors. As much as I disagree with that (and I really, REALLY disagree with that) it was their prerogative as the pet owner to do so. Everyone has a different place where they stand, as far as how important an animal's quality of life is in various aspects, etc. And of course there are many other issues in life where you must ask yourself, is it worth standing my ground? So...do some soul searching. Only you can make the determination whether to:

a.) Break up with the guy.
b.) Try to compromise
c.) Stand your ground and lay down the law.
d.) Give in and let him be right.

But while I'm not firmly in the camp of "kick him to the curb" simply because I don't know you or him well enough to say that...I do think it can be psychologically toxic when a person takes over things that are important to another in a relationship, disrespects their wishes, and comes back with something like you're "wrong" or "crazy" or "I know best." He's trying to convince you that you cannot trust your own judgment. That isn't good. At the minimum you've got to throw down with a serious heart to heart conversation and some compromise, in my opinion.

...

As for the person talking about abuse and such...I want so badly to reply, I've got paragraphs' worth of retorts...but all of it falls under the category of "feeding the t-word" and continuing to drag this convo off-topic.

The bottom line is that abuse is pretty rigidly defined in our society and PETA isn't the authority on that, and neither are you, though you're certainly free to have opinions. I'll simply point out that in society, and on the internet, there are lots of people who don't agree when it comes to well...pretty much anything...and it isn't conducive to healthy and productive social behavior to go around insulting people whose beliefs don't coincide with your own. If my indoor-only cat is "abused" I wish I could be reincarnated as a creature suffering such "abuse." His life is awesome.
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Old 01-02-2014, 01:14 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,780,490 times
Reputation: 12592
OP- I really feel fro you on this. Can't comment on the boyfriend as I don't know him. I do see his behavior as getting you to the point mentally where you are questioning your own original good judgment on not letting the cat out. That's not good.

Maybe you two could try a compromise. Build a catio- an outside enclosure attached to the house where the cat can easily go from inside to outside safely and securely. Even if you're renting a house, this can be done as it's easy to knock one down when you move.

Without going into details at length, an internet search will show all kinds, all types, all ways of permitting access, etc. This could be a project you can do together. It's the best of both worlds, cat can go out and the boyfriend is happy, and cat can be safe and you are happy.

If you boyfriend poo-poos, the idea, that will tell you much more about his disrespect of you and his desire to control you by belittling your thinking than anything any of us can say. Good luck
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Old 01-02-2014, 03:11 PM
 
Location: North Western NJ
6,591 posts, read 19,821,589 times
Reputation: 9532
personally i think there is mental abuse going on in this situation, but it has NOTHIGN to do with the cat.
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Old 01-02-2014, 08:38 PM
 
Location: Columbus, OH
499 posts, read 902,407 times
Reputation: 745
Thank you again for all of your replies. He and I have been on and off, currently "off" for, believe it or not, 2 months. Too long of a story to go into, but suffice it to say, the decision was made tonight to stay off permanently. You all were right, consistently, that he has been very toxic to me. It's just been hard to admit that the last 2 years have been for nothing.

My Smokey is the only "man" to ever stand by me, for 12 years. :-) Love him so much...if I can figure out how to post a pic, I'll come back and do that.

Thanks, all, for caring!
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Old 01-02-2014, 08:54 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,508,259 times
Reputation: 25990
I am happy for you, and for Smokey! You will find a much better man, who loves you, and will love and cherish Smokey too.

I know this is true, believe me.

What a great way to start the New Year, recognizing a toxic issue in your life, and making a change. I know this is going to work out for you...believe in yourself.
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Old 01-02-2014, 09:37 PM
 
Location: southern kansas
7,647 posts, read 5,134,442 times
Reputation: 16484
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmjones311 View Post
Thank you again for all of your replies. He and I have been on and off, currently "off" for, believe it or not, 2 months. Too long of a story to go into, but suffice it to say, the decision was made tonight to stay off permanently. You all were right, consistently, that he has been very toxic to me. It's just been hard to admit that the last 2 years have been for nothing.

My Smokey is the only "man" to ever stand by me, for 12 years. :-) Love him so much...if I can figure out how to post a pic, I'll come back and do that.

Thanks, all, for caring!
I think you made the right decision. File it under 'experience' and move forward. You'll meet someone and when the time comes, do what my wife did many years ago.... let Smokey help you pick him.
Good luck to you.
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Old 01-02-2014, 09:40 PM
 
Location: North Western NJ
6,591 posts, read 19,821,589 times
Reputation: 9532
I wanted to add DONT look at the last few years as a waste...
instea think of it as a learning experiences...you now know some of the signs of a toxic relationship and will know the early warning signs for the future...
every bit of bad teaches us something!
im glad you can start 2014 off with a clean slate and a happier home
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