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Old 01-15-2014, 07:06 AM
112 posts, read 208,303 times
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*sigh* So we already had Miles for about 1.5 years now (making him about 2yo), we previously had him and Bailey (who was about 8) and they were the best of friends (constantly cuddling!). Bailey passed away last summer and Miles seemed lonely. So early Dec we went and adopted him a friend. Patches is about 3 yo, formerly a stray & in the shelter he was cuddly & adorable, purring his head off. This continued for the 1st week or 2 while he was quarantined & we slowly introduced him to our house & Miles. Then it stopped.

Patches spends almost every waking moment of his harassing Miles. He is constantly chasing him, pouncing on him, smacking him & biting him! I know it's "friendly" but Miles does not like it... he runs away and tries to hide. Sometimes I hear him in a lock, growling to get free!! I often have to grab Pat (and then he's biting me - friendly i know, but teeth are teeth) and put him in a seperate room because he's so wound up he's actually panting (tongue out, mouth open, heart beating through his chest!).

Miles can't even go to the bathroom in peace as I've seen him get smacked while in the box (and Miles already has some plumbing problems so we need him to be able to go when he has to go!). He's also lost a little weight because Patches is eating all his food. Pat inhales his food all at once, whereas Miles is a nibbler through out the day. But the second Miles steps away, Pat inhales his food too. We've taken to putting Miles food in a higher spot (since Pat isn't the best jumper) but lately Pat's been practicing his jumping and getting his food up there.

Any thoughts? Someone suggested in another post on another subject some sort of calming spray you put in the air? Should I try that? Should I seperate them while we're at work? My husband can't even sleep at night cuz all night he hears them going at it and sometimes in the bed! (Miles used to go to sleep with us & sleep through the night on our legs - now Patches attacks him til he leaves) I want to just let them work it out like cats, but the panting, growling, weight loss & inability to "go" concern me. And the lack of sleep
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Old 01-15-2014, 07:36 AM
Location: Pittsburgh area
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My first thought so far is that the intro was a bit too rushed, it needs to be slower. Several weeks of full separation would not be uncommon. Also, another recommendation is to have them explore each other's space first rather than together. In other words, separated, but a few times allow Miles to explore the room Patches is staying in and Patches to explore the rest of the house, each without the other in there. Another stage during the separation is to have a gate at the doorway, so they can see each other but not interact. I've also heard feeding each cat on either side of the closed door (and perhaps later, the closed gate) can help with introductions.

The calming sprays or the Feliway plug-in diffusers can help sometimes. All through the house can be tough to make these effective, but in the closed room it should help somewhat.

Keeping them separate while you aren't home, even if you give them some time together while you are home, is another possibility, but I think you might want to back up and start over with full time separation for a while. Heck, we brought home two new cats to a house with no other cats, and 5 weeks later we are still locking them up in their bedroom when we are not home. This is partly our own doing and partly a function of the house design but even for them having them keep to a smaller space can be more comforting. We give them access to more space when we are home.

Cats are territorial and are naturally wary of each other. It is possible that you can slow it down immensely and still have it not work out, but they will probably be at least capable of sharing the house if you give it more time and more patience. Several years ago had two cats live together for a few years who never got along and would hiss at each other when passing. But it was an arrangement that mostly worked. They were two old cats who each used to live as an only cat. Looking back, I wouldn't do that again, but we merged households this way as people so we had the two cats. Younger cats usually have a better time adjusting I would think.
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Old 01-15-2014, 08:06 AM
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Thank you for such a great response! I hadn't even thought about that really. I intended to seperate them longer, but Patches started darting out of the room everytime we'd open the door. Or he'd sit in there & meow his head off. And Miles is so odd to me, you'd think he'd run free when Pat's is locked up & enjoy his space... but what does he do? Sit outside his door & stare at it. I'm thinking at least seperation while we're at work at least might not be a bad idea based on what you said.

My last 2 cat-mixings involved a seperation of like a couple days... and both pairings turned out beautifully! But I guess it depends on the cats themselves quite a bit!
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Old 01-15-2014, 08:50 AM
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I'm going through something similar. We had 2---Coco age 3 and Maggie, 2---then added another 3-yr-old male, Teddy. The first 2 tolerated each other with the male a sometimes bully to the smaller female. Now with the addition (kept totally apart 1 week then allowed some time together but still separated at night since Christmas week), Coco is taking ALL his frustrations out on little Maggie, so she now wears a "kick me" sign on her back and Teddy--now that he's feeling like this is home too--looks like he's going to follow suit. Teddy is TWICE Maggie's size, so I worry about her. I put them all in separate areas whenever I leave the house or at night during bedtime.

Teddy's history is that he's a Ragdoll who lived with 3 little kids and 2 dogs and was so anxious all the time from all the children's activities in the house (and a new dog that barked and chased him) that he was having cystitis issues. Vet put him on amitriptyline for stress and changed him to all canned food. It seemed to be working, but they didn't want him to stay drugged up the rest of his life, so they rehomed him. I've gotten him down to half his dosage and will wean him completely off soon because he's seeming to do really well. He's a very affectionate kitty (which causes lots of jealousy with my other lovebug, Coco). I just hate it that he's doing so well (compared to his past situation) while mine are suffering because of my decision to take him in.

Anyway, I give them separate areas and feeding stations (oh Lord, the food and eating is a whole 'nother issue in itself) as needed to give everyone a break, but we can't continue like this forever (can we????). Forget a vacation!

I've had 3 Feliway diffusers plugged in for the last week (downstairs only). I though it was kicking in the other day but the following day was as bad as ever, so I don't know if it's working or not.

I'm now researching Bach remedies, trying to figure out which ones to get for each personality and issue. Next to try are the more expensive spirit essences from Jackson Galaxy's site (The Cat from Hell).

I'm soooo tired of running around saying "NO! be nice" and "Goooood boy" all the time. Heck, I now feel like caterwauling and slapping someone around. Who knew a simple third cat could throw our home into such an uproar.

Anyway---sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread but I just had to commiserate as I sit here at the computer researching cats. I feel like I could now get a Ph.D in cat psychology and give out lots of advice based on what I've learned, but since it's not working for me, I just vent instead.

I do suggest giving them both separate areas as often as you can--for awhile at least. Miles needs to have some peaceful time, especially to eat. Maybe have Miles somewhere else at night and feed him then so he can nibble all night. That's been our biggest issue (past the aggression towards little Maggie) since Teddy is the gobble-it-all-at-once type and ours were used to free-feeding. Maggie would literally take one bite every 10 minutes all day. I've done nothing but put down and pick up her food dish to keep her eating. AAAARRRRGH.

Good luck to you!
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Old 01-15-2014, 08:54 AM
Location: Wisconsin
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ITA with greg42--in fact, if it were me, I'd separate them and do a slow re-introduction. It may take weeks or even a couple of months, but don't rush things. Also, I'm guessing you are referring to Feliway (the calming pheromone). You might want to get two diffusers and plug those in, one each in the room/area the cats are in.

If the new cat tries to hog food, you may need to feed them always in separate rooms. I have to do this because our youngest will try to eat any extra food. And, once they are together, make sure to have at least two litter boxes in different areas so the new cat can't block access to all of the boxes.
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Old 01-15-2014, 09:13 AM
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Although not a cat, it took my dog a good 5 months before he started standing up for himself when the kitten harasses him too much.
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Old 01-15-2014, 10:49 AM
112 posts, read 208,303 times
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Wow Tabbycats - I feel your pain!!
The food thing does drive me nuts... when we're home in the evening, I put down their food - Pat's inhales it, Miles takes a few bites... and then for the rest of the night we're going back and forth with picking up Miles bowl, then putting it back down for Miles, then giving Miles more food when Pat's manages to get to it and eat it. Then giving Pat more food cuz he sits there and hounds you like you're starving him to death. We're going through food like crazy! And Miles is still losing weight.

I'm glad they're at least still about the same size. Funny, before this, we thought Miles had a wild and feisty streak in him. Now he seems like a marshmellow! I think he's just confused though. He's expecting to be groomed and cuddled like our last cat did to him lol

I'm going to get this Felaway stuff. And I'll check out this Bach stuff too - I've heard of that for people! Maybe I can seperate them during the day while we're at work at least and if i have to at night for a bit and see if that helps them any too.
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