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Old 04-10-2016, 02:48 PM
 
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I know it was the right choice...so why am I so sad?

To recap, Oliver was a FIV+ stray who showed up in our yard well over eight weeks ago. A few days ago I finally found a no-kill shelter willing to take him. They only accept one or two FIV+ cats at a time, so the plan was to have him evaluated to see if he would be a candidate and then put him on the wait list until they had an opening. It just so happened that their current FIV cat was adopted this morning and they were able to accept Oliver right away.

I KNOW it was the right thing to do. Oliver couldn't interact with my cats and spend most of his time locked away in one room. I gave him as much attention as I could, but he's a young, active cat who deserves more. Now he has a chance to find a home who can give him that. The staff felt confident that he'll be adopted within a few months, and if by any chance that doesn't happen I have the option of taking him back.

But this all happened so damn quickly. I expected him to be on the wait list for several months. This was just...wham, bam, no more orange kitty crying in the spare room. And I just can't stop thinking of how scared and confused he must be. That's the worst part....there's no way to explain that I'm doing this because I want the best for him. It's making me sick to my stomach.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Venus
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((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) ))

I know it is hard but you did the right thing.



Cat
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:43 PM
 
Location: in my mind
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Knowing you did the right thing doesn't take away the loss. Let yourself cry, and feel the grief. It will come and go in waves. No reason to fight it- its normal and healthy. You loved the little bugger, and made his life better, and eventually when the sadness is less, you'll take comfort in knowing what you did to help him.



I think this little story captures it perfectly:

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Old 04-10-2016, 03:47 PM
 
Location: zone 5
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Aw, it's SO hard to let them go. I've fostered a couple of times, and cried a little both times when they went to really, really nice people. But you did a wonderful thing. I hope you'll get the update when he goes to his forever home.
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Old 04-10-2016, 04:05 PM
 
Location: Northern Illinois
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I'm sorry that you're feeling bad - but you know this is what's best for HIM, and that was the whole point anyway wasn't it? This day was going to come eventually, if not today then some other day...and the later on it happened you would have been even more attached than you are now. He will be able to interact with other kitties and hopefully he will find his forever home SOON - because of what you have done up to this point to save his life. YOU did that - YOU gave him the opportunity to have a chance at living, so you should be happy for him today, he is alive and safe, and I know you miss him.

He will be confused, but that will pass when he meets other kitties to play with, gets familiar with new surroundings that aren't limited to the space of just one room. You still have your other kitties to love and care for. Give them some extra smoochies and allow yourself to remember your little buddy in happy thoughts - and you can always check up on him. Keep in mind that you can always reclaim him if it doesn't work out - you really have the best of both worlds here for him. This is really a good thing for him - a chance at a normal life in a place where he can be himself and get all of the attention that a cat needs - not closed away in a room all alone. You did good by him - be proud of that.
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Old 04-10-2016, 07:38 PM
 
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You did the right thing. Knowing that doesn't make the hurt go away immediately, though. Give yourself some time and space to grieve. Maybe spend a little time visualizing Oliver in a forever home, enjoying his new life. All because you took the necessary steps.

Karma points to you, ParallelJJCat.
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Old 04-10-2016, 08:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CFoulke View Post
I'm sorry that you're feeling bad - but you know this is what's best for HIM, and that was the whole point anyway wasn't it? This day was going to come eventually, if not today then some other day...and the later on it happened you would have been even more attached than you are now.

I think the reason this is hitting me so hard is that I honestly thought this day *wouldn't* come. He'd been us so long already...we'd really settled into a rhythm, and I think inside I'd just assumed no one would ever accept him. The funny part was I found this particular rescue when I'd pretty much stopped looking. I was in Petsmart buying cat food and realized I needed a new prescription card from Banfield. The technician printed me a new one, I walked away...and on a whim went back and asked if she happened to know of any rescues that accepted FIV cats. No hesitation, she immediately say yes and even looked up the number and address for me. It's actually one of the largest no kill shelters in the state...not sure how I missed it when I was calling around before. I didn't go there with any intention of looking for more shelters to call, and I really don't know what made me ask her.

I'm kind of thinking of applying to be a foster parent for them. This is affecting me rather badly, but I have fostered numerous times without feeling so devastated. And now I have a nice empty room that isn't being used for anything. Though I'm not sure they'd allow me to foster after seeing me bawl when they took Oliver away! I was too upset to even say a proper goodbye to him.

Thanks for the support, everyone. I just really didn't expect myself to be so crushed by this. I was surprised when the shelter staff said they often have good luck finding homes for FIV cats...they said they aggressively market them, which is great.
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Old 04-11-2016, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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Oliver is fortunate to have found a caring person like you. You went above and beyond to help him. He gets a chance to find a new home.
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Old 04-11-2016, 08:48 AM
 
1,006 posts, read 627,320 times
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Being a foster parent for any pet, any age and condition and letting them go is hard. I still feel sad when I think about my 1st litter of foster kittens. I didn't think black kittens would be adopted that quickly, but they were all gone and adopted in less than a week. Watching the adoption itself take place didn't make me feel better but I knew this was for the best. They will make someone very happy and become part of a new family. Letting go is the best and worst thing a foster parent can do.
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Old 04-11-2016, 10:12 AM
 
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Speaking from the perspective of someone who adopted two kitties who were in a foster situation---

I don't think that I could do it personally, but I have undying respect for those who do.

Our two orange guys came into the local shelter as young, "semi-feral" kittens. Last night, as I was lying on the bed with our orange boy, my 70 pound ball of crazy hound jumped on the bed and almost came crashing down on him. He didn't even flinch. My first thought was to internally thank, for the umpteenth time, the person (people?) who took this little orange guy and his sister into their home for several weeks to socialize them. I firmly believe that, without that early foundation, we would not have the wonderful cats that we have today.

OP, you've done such a wonderful, selfless thing here. You took him in, gave him love and found him a situation where he will thrive.

I have no doubt it hurts, but please take solace in the thought that he is in a great position- thanks to you.
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