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I was hoping I could get peoples views to my indecisiveness. I'm living in Montana right now with my youngest son. We're considering moving back home to Kentucky to be near my oldest son and 4 grand children which we haven't seen since they were babies. I talked to my oldest son by phone yesterday and asked if we could stay with them for about a week until we could find a place of our own. I mentioned to him that we have 10 cats. He freaked out and said "No way." Then I explained to him that my cats are like children to me. I love them more than most people. He said anyone who loves animals more than people are sick-and there's something seriously wrong with them!" He joked and said "Free to good home" indicating that we should put them in the newspaper as "free" give away pets. He also said, "How do you know the cats are even happy living inside?" He stated that they would be happier outside, spraying all over the place, hunting and eating dead things. Am I wrong to love my cats that much? On top of that, if we did move back I'd have to put up with seeing my ex-husband. Seeing him would bring back painful buried memories. I'm just wondering too; if I should go back at all. It's been 8 years since I've seen them. I'm a retired Peace Officer and went out west to enjoy the weather, etc. I'm being pulled in both directions. Should family come first, or should I close my eyes and follow my heart and find a warm sunny climate to live in the rest of my days in? Would that be the WRONG thing to do?
I would plan on boarding the cats til you find a place to rent and can move in - even for a week, 10 cats is a lot especially if they're not catlovers and they maybe have a small place - even if they had a big home it just wouldnt be a good situation, knowing how they feel. A kennel may even give you a discount, boarding that many, would call around soon b/c they may get busy in the summer. Glad you're planning on taking them w/ you, so many people move and don't take their pets, it's very sad.
As for seeing your ex, while it's possible you might bunk into him if you're living in close proximity to him, KY is a big state and I would try to make the best of it, after 8+ yrs, one would hope you both c/b cordial to each other at family functions etc, the past is the past.
As for what you should do, only you can answer that. If you're undecided, why not come for a visit, your youngest son might enjoy seeing his brother again (and his father, if they have the same dad).
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yes, I have to say that I agree. Ten cats is a lot of extra little people to spring on someone. I also am glad that you are just not leaving themn where you live now the way that some people unfeelingly do. Good for you (and a rep). Let us know how it all turns out!
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People may not recall what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel .
Are you planning on renting or buying when you get there? If renting, will any landlord allow 10 cats? You might wish to scope that out in advance if your intention is to rent.
Also, no you're not a nut to enjoy your pets. However, having grown up without grandparents living nearby, I can tell you when I was school aged I envied my schoolmates who were constantly sharing stories about their visits with their grandparents.
As for your ex, that's what he is, leave it in the past and hold your head high.
...Should family come first, or should I close my eyes and follow my heart and find a warm sunny climate to live in the rest of my days in?...
The cats and your youngest son are your family now and have been for the last eight years.
The other son and his kids back East, although related to you biologically, have little to do with the contentment and happiness of your day to day life.
If you want to take a vacation and see them for a week or two, that's fine. Your son can stay home and take care of the cats, or you can board them at a kennel, although that can be pretty expensive.
Find that warm place for you and your cats, send the son and grandkids your new address and the addreess of a nearby motel where they can stay when, and if, they ever come for a visit.
While it is understandable that someone, even a cat lover, might have a hard time hosting ten cats as guests in his home for an undetermined length of time, the manner in which your son dismissed your love of your cats, and denounced you as 'sick' for loving cats as much as you apparently do, was troublesome to me. Even if he doesn't share or understand the love you have for your cats, he should respect you enough not to so harshly judge and ridicule you for loving them.
Strickly from sensing the tone of your post, I would suggest that you not make any permanent move right now. It's okay to live indecisively for the time being, until you really know for sure what you want to do, rather than make a hasty decision now, one you may regret.
I think many of the posts below provide good advice, especially about taking a trip to Kentucky to visit in order to get a feel for possibly living there again.
In answer to your question as to whether it would be wrong for you to move to a warm sunny place to live rather than Kentucky, in a word: NO! It would not be wrong for you to do that (or stay put in Montana?), if that is what you feel would be best for you, your young son and your ten furred-kids. I can't know what is pulling you to move back to Kentucky, whether it was requested by your older son, or you feel a need to be near your son and grandchildren. Both are valid reasons, but unless you are in a 'good place' emotionally and mentally, their close proximity isn't going to make you happier. And an unhappy mom and grandmother is not going to make their lives any better either. Often times, we maintained better relations with our family members when we are NOT living too close to them.
But as stated elsewhere, this is for you to work out. My best advice is to trust your heart and instincts. And of course, continue to care for your family of cats, considering their welfare and well being in whatever you decide to do. Know too that you are not alone, there are millions of people who love their cats just as you love yours.
Um, with all due respect...ten cats is a heck of a lot of cats. Most people are going to think you're a bit loony to have that many. Another issue with moving is the zoning where you're planning to move. A lot of places have limits on how many cats you can have without paying for a cattery license. And I can tell you, as a landlord there is no way on this green earth that I would ever rent to someone with that many cats.
Now, you may have perfectly good reasons for having that many cats, but the majority of everyone else is probably not going to see it that way.
Um, with all due respect...ten cats is a heck of a lot of cats. Most people are going to think you're a bit loony to have that many. Another issue with moving is the zoning where you're planning to move. A lot of places have limits on how many cats you can have without paying for a cattery license. And I can tell you, as a landlord there is no way on this green earth that I would ever rent to someone with that many cats.
Now, you may have perfectly good reasons for having that many cats, but the majority of everyone else is probably not going to see it that way.
Despite the overall tone of respect to your post, I don't think it's helpful to use words like "loony" when you don't understand something, and to ascribe such comments as being typical of 'most people.' We could debate what statistically represented 'most people' and never come to a consensus.
That said, I do agree that having ten cats is an awful lot and not something I would recommend most people acquiring. But I understand how it can happen. Many years ago, I lived in the country where feral, homeless cats were continually arriving on my property needing care, shelter, and love. Until I had taken into my home six of them, and thereafter wound up adopting my mother's three cats when she was no longer able to care for them, thus arriving at a grand total of twelve cats under my roof (I already had three cats when I moved there), I didn't realize the difficulty and assorted problems in having such a 'cattery.' I'm sure there are many other people who have found themselves in a similar situation. And once you have adopted one cat, or a dozen of them, you can't just discard them. Not if you're a good person, that is.
All but one of those 12 cats have now passed away. My current population is five, two or three more than I really wanted. But what am I to do when a homeless cat comes to my door and steals my heart? I have, however, draw the line now at these five, for pragmatic reasons, and the strays that arrive now get fed and are given vet care if needed, but cannot become a member of my home population.
The reason people like myself and Suzie4u find ourselves with that many cats is because people do not spay and neuter. I have worked for numerous shelters and animal welfare organizations and despite efforts at education and offering low-cost neuter/spay clinics, too many people still refuse to take responsibility for their own cats (and dogs).
There are millions of homeless cats (and dogs) in this world and just a fraction of those find permanent homes. THAT is what is really loony.
Despite the overall tone of respect to your post, I don't think it's helpful to use words like "loony" when you don't understand something, and to ascribe such comments as being typical of 'most people.' We could debate what statistically represented 'most people' and never come to a consensus.
Tell me what word you would like me to use that wouldn't be more harsh than 'loony'.
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. But what am I to do when a homeless cat comes to my door and steals my heart?
You choose to let them "steal your heart". I choose to feed them and drop them off at the Humane Society. You may think that's harsh, but someone else's irresponsibility does not require me to collect too many animals.
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The reason people like myself and Suzie4u find ourselves with that many cats is because people do not spay and neuter. I have worked for numerous shelters and animal welfare organizations and despite efforts at education and offering low-cost neuter/spay clinics, too many people still refuse to take responsibility for their own cats (and dogs).
I'm well aware of these facts. It's still not my responsibility to take them all in.
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There are millions of homeless cats (and dogs) in this world and just a fraction of those find permanent homes. THAT is what is really loony.
So what number of cats is normal? What number is not normal? Is the person who collects sixty, seventy cats normal or not? Where do you draw the line?
Ten is too many. Three or four is a lot of cats. Where's the line drawn between "a lot of pets" and "animal hoarder"?
Tell me what word you would like me to use that wouldn't be more harsh than 'loony'.
Why must you use any 'personal judgment' word, harsh or otherwise, about someone you don't even know? Furthermore, suzie4u wasn't asking for your opinion about the number of cats she had; she'd already heard her son's opinion, and was obviously quite hurt by it. Why the need to add to that hurt by implying that most people would consider her 'loony?'
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Originally Posted by RoaminRed
You choose to let them "steal your heart". I choose to feed them and drop them off at the Humane Society. You may think that's harsh, but someone else's irresponsibility does not require me to collect too many animals.
And I have done the same. I support shelters in every way I can, in gratitude for the fact that I have been able to bring a homeless animal to them when there were no other options available. In addition, I have also spent uncountable hours working at those shelters, up to and including this day, as a volunteer at my local Humane Society shelter, scrubbing floors, cleaning out litter boxes, providing medications, grooming, holding, caring, etc., for the unfortunate critters that have no other place to be, plus donating vast amounts of money over my lifetime to animal welfare/humane organizations.
I am quite please to hear that you have made use of these shelters, rather than allowing a homeless cat or dog remain on the street.
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Originally Posted by RoaminRed
I'm well aware of these facts. It's still not my responsibility to take them all in.
I never said it was.
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Originally Posted by RoaminRed
So what number of cats is normal? What number is not normal? Is the person who collects sixty, seventy cats normal or not? Where do you draw the line?
I told you where I drew my line. For some that line is one, for others ... who knows. It's not up to me to judge, for most situations are unique. As a landlord, it is your perogative to establish your own line. That can be one, two ... or none.
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Originally Posted by RoaminRed
Ten is too many. Three or four is a lot of cats. Where's the line drawn between "a lot of pets" and "animal hoarder"?
The depends on the person. I had twelve cats, as I stated, but I was not a 'hoarder' (although you would no doubt label me as such) which is a derogatory term denoting someone who 'collects' cats (in this case) but doesn't take care of them. There is a psychological disorder that causes some people, usually females, to 'collect' cats. We are not talking about that psychological disorder here, at least neither I nor any of the people who posted a reply to suzie4u prior to me, were insinuating that. Cat collectors/hoarders are not the 'norm' of people who have large population of cats because of their love and concern for them. They are most often people like myself, who cannot turn an indifferent eye to the woes of a homeless animal; who cannot justify 'it' away but saying 'it' is not my responsibility.
And while we're on the subject of shelters, while they are wonderful organizations that do their very best to provide for unwanted animals, they have limits too. Most shelters are charity organizations with limited resources. There are only so many cats and dogs that they can keep at any one time. Every one I've ever worked in has more often than not struggled to keep things going.
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