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Old 07-11-2010, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
7,041 posts, read 12,758,341 times
Reputation: 2315

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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
You just haven't found the right folks to hang out with, NyMet. (I am a Yankees fan, btw, but I won't hold it against you, hee hee).

If you were with me and I felt like you were doing something socially unacceptable (for ex: being too "in yer face") I would just tell ya, and would expect you to do the same for me should I be with you when you were "back home" and I didn't understand something about the local culture you grew up with.

Here is an example of where things get completely off track with newcomers vs. locals.

My parents live in a neighborhood with probably 1/2 newcomers. There is one couple from Long Island who have lived in the neighborhood about 2 years. They have 2 small dogs and walk them 2 x a day. They let their dogs poop in everyone's yard along the way and do not clean up behind them! So my parents are very upset about it. And they are elderly and they can't get out there and bend over and scoop poop daily, nor should they have to (they don't have a dog).

But no one approaches the folks from LI cause they are very abrupt with the neighbors when anyone has tried to talk to them, so no one wants to start a neighborhood issue over their bad habits.

I am going to try to be there when I see them walking their dogs and allowing them to poop in my parent's yard, cause I will simply go out there, confront them and tell them straight on that this is unacceptable and that I am going to start collecting the poop and putting in on their driveway if it doesn't cease.

And that is exactly what I will do.

Passive aggressive behavior would be to collect the poop and put it on their driveway without confronting the folks.

My parents would never confront these folks b/c basically, Southerners do not get confrontational over issues that have to do with "socially acceptable behavior." In other words, in their mind, anyone who would do something that thoughtless is a person who is beyond reasoning with - as no one with any manners or breeding would ever do such a tacky, thoughtless, nasty thing as let their dogs poop in someone else's yard daily.

So there is a difference in sensibilities b/n cultures. I personally suspect if I confront the LI folks and tell them that this is unacceptable and they need to cut it out . . . they will cut it out, lol.

Does that make any sense at all? There is just a difference in the way folks approach each other here . . . and sometimes things get very mixed up in the translation of all that.
Agree with you, there, Ani. Also, the possibility exists that they are used to walking their dogs in an alley which requires no cleanup!
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Old 07-11-2010, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Indian Trail
539 posts, read 1,272,225 times
Reputation: 266
Quote:
Originally Posted by NyMet View Post
You should not have to lie about where you are from (not saying you are wrong)....but I am happy to see that you are being accepted and I would glady buy you a round of drinks anytime.
I am not lying about where I come from, I am using it as an icebreaker - hence the smile on my face before telling them I am from NY. I am proud of where I come from and will always make that known.
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Old 07-11-2010, 07:15 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,886 posts, read 64,895,343 times
Reputation: 22247
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagocubs View Post
Agree with you, there, Ani. Also, the possibility exists that they are used to walking their dogs in an alley which requires no cleanup!
Totally makes sense to me, CHI! I am sure the LI folks have no idea that the neighbors are all up in arms about this. To everyone affected, they think the folks are ill-mannered. To me, I figure they moved here from someplace where they were never required to clean up and so have not given it a second thought.

They very well might be quite embarrassed when it is brought to their attention.

And I bet you anything . . . the LI folks think their neighbors are "cool" to them and have no idea it is NOT b/c they are "from somewhere else" but it is b/c of the dogs and their poop!
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Old 07-11-2010, 07:19 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,886 posts, read 64,895,343 times
Reputation: 22247
Quote:
Originally Posted by car421 View Post
I am not lying about where I come from, I am using it as an icebreaker - hence the smile on my face before telling them I am from NY. I am proud of where I come from and will always make that known.
And that is how it should be. You should be proud of your heritage and where you grew up. I didn't think you meant you were trying to hide it - just making it clear you are part of the community HERE in addition to acknowledging your roots.

The beauty of having folks move here from other regions is that we have had the opportunity to share traditions from other areas. This includes FOOD!!!
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Old 07-11-2010, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
7,041 posts, read 12,758,341 times
Reputation: 2315
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Totally makes sense to me, CHI! I am sure the LI folks have no idea that the neighbors are all up in arms about this. To everyone affected, they think the folks are ill-mannered. To me, I figure they moved here from someplace where they were never required to clean up and so have not given it a second thought.

They very well might be quite embarrassed when it is brought to their attention.

And I bet you anything . . . the LI folks think their neighbors are "cool" to them and have no idea it is NOT b/c they are "from somewhere else" but it is b/c of the dogs and their poop!
They really might be completely oblivious to it all. I can't speak for LI of course, but, I know that people from Chicago wouldn't even realize that anything was wrong that nobody was talking to them. To them, it would just be a normal part of life!
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Old 07-11-2010, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Union County
5,701 posts, read 8,091,918 times
Reputation: 4708
Quote:
Originally Posted by NyMet View Post
I have felt the same way and have done a great deal to help the community..sponsored local charities & events with time, services and money....tried fitting in with church..joined some organizations...heck half my family left here because they were treated the same way...never stating anything negative (untill now) to others and even said that if most people got to know me that their first impression would change and I get a "thats ok"....

as far as the poop dont stink...
I rarely see Northerners act that way....nor do I ever act that way. I do see arseholes from everwhere..lol. My point in my comments were to explain my experience of how non accepting the South can be to (most) Northerners without giving any real reason..look at some of the other forums & some people are still fighting the civil war. I truly wanted to live here and make a life...thats all....
I'm certain people appreciated what you did, but sometimes going through the motions comes off as just that... If your heart isn't in it, people will sense it. So you can seemingly do all the "right things", but I think it goes beyond that.

I see the attitude all the time - my wife is always watching me because we discussed how we can come off without even meaning it. Just last night the wife and I were on our way to Michael Buble and we went out of our way to try and eat at Jake's on the way to the concert. I knew it was a long shot since the babysitting timing didn't leave us much time. When we got there and saw only a few people waiting I was excited. But the lovely southern lady took a full 5min to get around to addressing us (since she was chatting with another couple) and then told me it would be at least 45min before we could be seated - back on LI I would have at best said "no thanks"/turned and left or at worst copped an attitude (make me wait 5min to tell me it will take 45min to seat me behind only a few people!). Ultimately my reaction would have been due to disappointment, but had I done either I would have looked like your typical transplant with an attitude. Instead I took the extra 2min to explain to her that we had concert tickets and would have to come another night. She smiled and expressed sincere disappointment we couldn't stay and told us she looked forward to seeing us again soon.

I think the differences are in the little things we do every day.
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Old 07-11-2010, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Partisanship Is An Intellectual/Emotional Handicap
1,851 posts, read 1,811,701 times
Reputation: 1078
Quote:
Originally Posted by lumbollo View Post
There you go again... e.g. not giving a "rat"s ass" about what a Southerner has to say. It's actions my dear, not words, that matter. (said in the same joking manner as that which you claimed, when you declared that a Southerner asking you to come to church is only doing it for your money)

I have no need to make insults. Me pappy said never try to help someone who is already doing a fine job of hanging themselves. I'm just having a little fun.
Well I'm all for you using your sense of humor. Cheers.
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Old 07-11-2010, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Ballantyne
41 posts, read 45,832 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by car421 View Post
I am not lying about where I come from, I am using it as an icebreaker - hence the smile on my face before telling them I am from NY. I am proud of where I come from and will always make that known.
I did not mean any offense by my remark..there were times when I told people that I am from Fl...didnt know at the time that it means the same as being from NY to the South...lol
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Old 07-11-2010, 07:44 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,886 posts, read 64,895,343 times
Reputation: 22247
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeyKid View Post
I'm certain people appreciated what you did, but sometimes going through the motions comes off as just that... If your heart isn't in it, people will sense it. So you can seemingly do all the "right things", but I think it goes beyond that.

I see the attitude all the time - my wife is always watching me because we discussed how we can come off without even meaning it. Just last night the wife and I were on our way to Michael Buble and we went out of our way to try and eat at Jake's on the way to the concert. I knew it was a long shot since the babysitting timing didn't leave us much time. When we got there and saw only a few people waiting I was excited. But the lovely southern lady took a full 5min to get around to addressing us (since she was chatting with another couple) and then told me it would be at least 45min before we could be seated - back on LI I would have at best said "no thanks"/turned and left or at worst copped an attitude (make me wait 5min to tell me it will take 45min to seat me behind only a few people!). Ultimately my reaction would have been due to disappointment, but had I done either I would have looked like your typical transplant with an attitude. Instead I took the extra 2min to explain to her that we had concert tickets and would have to come another night. She smiled and expressed sincere disappointment we couldn't stay and told us she looked forward to seeing us again soon.

I think the differences are in the little things we do every day.
These are the EXACT discussions I have had with my "yankee" hubby! Being from St Louis, and then spending his entire career in Kansas City (except internship/residency wh/ was in NYC) hubby comes across as "abrupt" in situations such as you mentioned. It is just the way life has always been for him in a big, crowded, impersonal metro.

He has "softened" his natural inclinations to do just what you said - get ticked off w/ the delay and rush out. Now, he sees things as moving more slowly and not as so much a personal affront or lack of professionalism on the other person's part. He deals with things like you explained and finds folks are very receptive and understanding.

When he gets what a Southerner would see as "huffy" I remind him where he is and he takes a deep breath and changes his demeanor. It isn't like he is a disagreeable person! He is a real gentleman, but the culture IS different here. He has learned to shift gears, one might say.
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Old 07-11-2010, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Ballantyne
41 posts, read 45,832 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeyKid View Post
I'm certain people appreciated what you did, but sometimes going through the motions comes off as just that... If your heart isn't in it, people will sense it. So you can seemingly do all the "right things", but I think it goes beyond that.

I see the attitude all the time - my wife is always watching me because we discussed how we can come off without even meaning it. Just last night the wife and I were on our way to Michael Buble and we went out of our way to try and eat at Jake's on the way to the concert. I knew it was a long shot since the babysitting timing didn't leave us much time. When we got there and saw only a few people waiting I was excited. But the lovely southern lady took a full 5min to get around to addressing us (since she was chatting with another couple) and then told me it would be at least 45min before we could be seated - back on LI I would have at best said "no thanks"/turned and left or at worst copped an attitude (make me wait 5min to tell me it will take 45min to seat me behind only a few people!). Ultimately my reaction would have been due to disappointment, but had I done either I would have looked like your typical transplant with an attitude. Instead I took the extra 2min to explain to her that we had concert tickets and would have to come another night. She smiled and expressed sincere disappointment we couldn't stay and told us she looked forward to seeing us again soon.

I think the differences are in the little things we do every day.
In my profession I never ever just go through the motions....I take what I do 200 percent serious...but I do understand your point.
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