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I've been in Charlotte area for 6 years, after living in 4 other states. My take is that this location is still the Old South in many ways. In each southern state I have lived, including NC, it has taken much longer to get to know people and make real friends, having to prove ones self, where in the north it was always a give-and-take situation.
Also if you are not a far-right-wing Christian, you are in larger trouble from the start.
It's not uncommon to be asked what church I belong to when introduced to a new person.
IMHO the OP is on to something.
Ok, I'm ready to get blasted. Try not to take this personally. It's just my opinion.
I've traveled a fair amount by car during work and play. One thing I've found interesting is how people respond when asked for directions. Some people refer to historic landmarks, some to strip clubs, some to restaurants, etc. Locally I've had people refer to churches as reference points more than anything.
Interesting, this has not been my experience in the 3+ years I've been here at all.
I haven't had one person ask what church I belong to and we've made lots of great friends here.
Your mileage may vary...
Also, where is this "transplants are shunned" sentiment being seen? I don't see any/many threads from transplants saying "why don't people like me?". I'm just curious as to where this perception is coming from, is all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoanD'Arc
I've been in Charlotte area for 6 years, after living in 4 other states. My take is that this location is still the Old South in many ways. In each southern state I have lived, including NC, it has taken much longer to get to know people and make real friends, having to prove ones self, where in the north it was always a give-and-take situation.
Also if you are not a far-right-wing Christian, you are in larger trouble from the start.
It's not uncommon to be asked what church I belong to when introduced to a new person.
IMHO the OP is on to something.
Ok, I'm ready to get blasted. Try not to take this personally. It's just my opinion.
I live in Monroe, the Indian Trail side for those of you that think or have heard badly of Monroe. We love it. We are from FL. We have been welcomed with open arms wherever we have gone. It's been really nice.
I think that Charlotte is a melting pot, as is any larger city and when you have people from everywhere like that, they aren't as friendly or as warm. Actually, I lived in Orlando for six years and it was unheard of for your neighbor to even greet you with a hello or a wave. Here, if you are just driving through neighborhoods, people wave.
Possibly, if you try the outlying areas, you would get a different feeling for the area.
vmaxnc: That's a great observation about asking for directions! lol!
hooligan: It may be that you just "fit in" better wherever you are. When I moved into my present neighborhood, I approached my neighbors on several occasions to introduce myself, and was dismayed at the shocked reception. Imagine that: a complete stranger approaching them!!! It has taken several years to develop a few friendships here, but most people in the subdivision won't even look at someone in passing whom they don't know.
thebalogas: Yes, I agree; Charlotte has really become a melting pot. I can see how that would make getting to know people a little harder. I have found that the natives in any given place in that situation sit back and wait to see how long the transplants are going to stick around, and hang back from getting to know new people because there seems to be a perception that it's not worth it because they will leave, anyway.
I knew "natives" in VA for 15 years with whom I was great friends, but as soon as I moved away, I never heard from them again even though I expressed an interest in keeping in touch.
I have heard good things about Monroe, and I like the small-town feeling of Matthews.
PS: Thanks for not blasing me; it's nice to have a civil conversation!
Shunned is a word that brings about a lot of strange connotations: my first thought is being in an Amish society and deciding to fit into the "world"; then you are shunned.
Not so much here. What you have here is a lot of people from a lot of different areas all acting like they did where-ever they came from. Joan, I would have been one of those neighbours that you describe because where I came from, you NEVER spoke to anyone that you did not know and, unless there was some kind of crisis, you certainly never spoke to your neighbours. I am not being rude nor am I shunning anyone, I simply am living the way that I am comfortable.
Now, I will say that you (this is a general "you", not specific to anyone) need to kind of figure out people before you invest a lot emotionally because, again, different cultures and different personalities react differently to different people. Again, I don't think it is a matter of "shunning" as much as it is, perhaps, a lack of understanding. For example, I have been called a "yankee" on many occasions which really started to annoy me. For starters, I am NOT a yankee, I am a midwesterner and that is something entirely different. However, I started to think about that and think about the people that might have said this and realized that I might have said/done something that THEY perceived as being rude or whatever. Even if I was completely oblivious to whatever the offending action might be, it is up to me to just laugh it off and try to understand things from their perspective.
At the end of the day, there are now so many people here from so many different places, it is rare to find any "shunning" as it were. Usually, worst-case scenario, you can almost always find someone from your home state who knows someone who knows someone...etc and create a network that way.
So, don't panic. Just do your research and you'll be fine!
Shunned is a word that brings about a lot of strange connotations: my first thought is being in an Amish society and deciding to fit into the "world"; then you are shunned.
Not so much here. What you have here is a lot of people from a lot of different areas all acting like they did where-ever they came from. Joan, I would have been one of those neighbours that you describe because where I came from, you NEVER spoke to anyone that you did not know and, unless there was some kind of crisis, you certainly never spoke to your neighbours. I am not being rude nor am I shunning anyone, I simply am living the way that I am comfortable.
Now, I will say that you (this is a general "you", not specific to anyone) need to kind of figure out people before you invest a lot emotionally because, again, different cultures and different personalities react differently to different people. Again, I don't think it is a matter of "shunning" as much as it is, perhaps, a lack of understanding. For example, I have been called a "yankee" on many occasions which really started to annoy me. For starters, I am NOT a yankee, I am a midwesterner and that is something entirely different. However, I started to think about that and think about the people that might have said this and realized that I might have said/done something that THEY perceived as being rude or whatever. Even if I was completely oblivious to whatever the offending action might be, it is up to me to just laugh it off and try to understand things from their perspective.
At the end of the day, there are now so many people here from so many different places, it is rare to find any "shunning" as it were. Usually, worst-case scenario, you can almost always find someone from your home state who knows someone who knows someone...etc and create a network that way.
So, don't panic. Just do your research and you'll be fine!
I am sure you are correct about behaving the way we were raised/taught. It's just hard for me to understand behavior that looks like snobbery (not trying to pass judgment, but if someone won't give a person a chance, it's very offputting) since I am more outgoing than not.
No problem, I just concentrate on the friends I already have and let the others be who they are. I guess the point is that I always try to make friends and not everyone sees it that way!!
I am sure you are correct about behaving the way we were raised/taught. It's just hard for me to understand behavior that looks like snobbery (not trying to pass judgment, but if someone won't give a person a chance, it's very offputting) since I am more outgoing than not.
No problem, I just concentrate on the friends I already have and let the others be who they are. I guess the point is that I always try to make friends and not everyone sees it that way!!
yes, you are right. I am the OPPOSITE of a social individual. Only have a few close friends and I like it like that. Don't want any random people talking to me. (goes back to city life, when random people talked to you, you were usually being set up to be mugged) However, I have learned to at least be civil (and somewhat friendly) when they do and not just ignore them. I have found (after years of living here) that the chances of my being mugged are significantly lower and there are people that simply LIKE to be friendly for no apparent reason. I don't understand why, but, I understand the concept. That is what I mean about trying to understand people. It does not necessarily mean that you change or that you adopt the difference (unless you want to) but it is a tolerance that is learned.
I hope that you find other, similarly social people to hang out with. Life is too short to be sad.
Location: Partisanship Is An Intellectual/Emotional Handicap
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The cow says moo.
Why, why do I keep reading about how transplants are shunned!? Is this true? I just don't get it. If there are so many houses available then why is it looked down upon to buy one and live in it!? Why does it matter that someone from NY or FL or CT moves to NC?
I was just in Charlotte and met so many nice folks - granted - not one of them was from NC originally. I took it as, "Wow, what a great place NC is! People come from everywhere."
Am I just reading too much internet ranting?
You're always going to have a small percentage of people who dislike or even discriminate against transplants and Yankees. I've encountered them. But it's a small percentage.
I think you get that any where you go. It's not a North/ South thing.
I grew up in Kearny, NJ. When I moved to Vernon, NJ (in Sussex County) there were a few people who didn't like the fact that I was a "City Boy" moving up to the mountains of Vernon. I wasn't a Vernon homegrown.
People are weird that way.
By the same token, you see southerners on this very forum making some rather generalized, broad statements about transplants/Yankees coming to North Carolina and trying to change the culture.
I'm a Yankee transplant. I know several Yankees/transplants down here. None of us are trying to change the north Carolina culture. Speaking for myself, I go about my business every day. I don't ask, demand or petition to change long established North Carolina traditions or custums.
I like something, I take part in it. If I'm not interested or don't like it at all; I don't get involved in it. The End.
The reason many transplants have problemS with the locals is the transplants like to say what they like and dont like here AS IF WE LOCALS CARE...WE DONT
Well, as my dentist told me when I visited him for the first time after moving here, "Its people like "you" that move from FL and NY and jack up our property taxes, cost of living, and property values.".........nice. And I sat there with my mouth wide open, literally, in shock. This all came out of me wearing a NY Yankees t-shirt and no other conversation about Charlotte other than "where are you from". I thought most of that was a good thing? I have often felt shunned, but have met some really welcoming natives as well.
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