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Old 01-18-2009, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
7,041 posts, read 13,113,630 times
Reputation: 2323

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stlterp View Post
Here's a novel idea...instead of the attitude being "if you don't like it, leave", how about it being "if you don't like it, try to make it better" I know a lot of people, native and non-native, who every day try to make Charlotte a better place...through their businesses, neighborhood associations, getting involved in schools, government, etc.
Great idea!!
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Old 01-18-2009, 11:00 PM
 
14,111 posts, read 22,713,185 times
Reputation: 4203
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yorkiegirl16 View Post
Relocation is tough emotionally. I moved from NJ to NC over two years ago. When I first got here, there were days I HATED it here in NC and other days that I LOVED it. I had some (very) severe bouts with homesickness and cursed the day that I moved here. The pattern to adjusting is not an exact science. Now, I'm back in NC after doing a small stint in NJ and I LOVE it here. I don't have any homesickness because this IS my home now. When I was back in NJ, I missed all the places and comforts that I had become accustomed to here in NC. It was a slow and painful adjustment for me (sometimes I think I made it more painful than it needed to be), but I adjusted. I have close friends and people and places I've truly bonded with. I consider it a life experience. Not always pleasant, not always pretty, but an experience nevertheless.
That's how I felt when I first moved here from TX. I slowly adjusted also. I didnt move here by choice, BUT at the same time it's not like the citizens of CLT were begging me to move here. They probably would've been better of without me or the other whiny transplants lol. It's an alright city. Lots of things to do like Carowinds, NBA, NFL.
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Old 01-19-2009, 06:47 AM
 
Location: Michigan
528 posts, read 1,330,419 times
Reputation: 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by stlterp View Post
Here's a novel idea...instead of the attitude being "if you don't like it, leave", how about it being "if you don't like it, try to make it better" I know a lot of people, native and non-native, who every day try to make Charlotte a better place...through their businesses, neighborhood associations, getting involved in schools, government, etc.
I think this is a FANTASTIC idea. IF you want your area to be the best and continue to grow and be successful, then you welcome criticism and don't take it personally. Perhaps a thought from someone who is from another area is one that can make Charlotte (or whatever city you're talking about) a better place. It's purely defensive (and egotistical) to just put up the hand and say, "if you don't like it, leave".
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Old 01-19-2009, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Michigan
528 posts, read 1,330,419 times
Reputation: 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Well, I was wise enuff to keep my mouth shut any time I moved to a new place. It is insulting to disparage a new city you CHOSE to move to. No one wants to hear it! I don't care where you live and where you are from! Plus, so many of the things people complain about - no one can do a thing about anyway, so . . . why look like a malcontent and run things down. It sure doesn't gain you friends - people avoid malcontents.
It's negative to think that no one can do anything about something someone complains about or suggests. It's certainly not what I tell my children - there is enough power in each of us to make anything happen.

And personally, I'm not online to make friends, but to understand and get suggestions because I'm concerned for my family. I have complained about the whole county-wide school system that IS backwards if you have been lucky enough to be in a seamless school system where parents have choice schools and city school systems...and like me, if you have a child with an IEP and you're just frustrated that you can't get quite the same school benefits in a new area but you're forced to have to make the decision to move because you don't want to lose your job, house, etc. What's the harm in questioning and pointing something out? If you're not defensive, then you welcome the thoughts. Personally, I'd love to have suggestions to take to my school board or city.

I say, and will continue to say, please be patient and understanding with us newcomers. Just as you natives are proud of your area, most of us are proud of where we came from and we feel (each for our own individual reasons) that we're forced to move to a new area...and that's such a difficult decision to make. Some of you are lucky enough to say "I'll never move". Imagine having no choice...
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Old 01-19-2009, 07:23 AM
QCP
 
185 posts, read 464,867 times
Reputation: 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by shoes4birds View Post
I think this is a FANTASTIC idea. IF you want your area to be the best and continue to grow and be successful, then you welcome criticism and don't take it personally. Perhaps a thought from someone who is from another area is one that can make Charlotte (or whatever city you're talking about) a better place. It's purely defensive (and egotistical) to just put up the hand and say, "if you don't like it, leave".

In theory yes this is a great idea. But I think most people on here can handle a little criticism. Most of us understand that no city is perfect, and there will always be the idea of what is great for one, may make another miserable. However, I think what get's people on here all riled up is when someone, who obviously has had a hard time accepting there new city (usually because they are home sick or there job didn't work out), get on here and just make huge sweeping generalizations as if the city has nothing to offer.

For instance, I often see people post that the schools are awful. Are they? All of them? Absolutely not, even CMS has some spectacular schools. Yet people get on here, people that have no experience with the school system mind you, and claim as if the schools are terrible. Is this their opinion? No it's not, it's an ASSumption based on what? Then someone looking to relocate here with children may read that post and not move here. To that possible relocating person, this is a major decision in life that was deterred because of someone's ignorant post. That's unacceptable.

No this is not the perfect city, but more than enough to make HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of people happy. For every single transplant that I have met that regrets their move here, I've probably met 100 that have said this was one of the best decisions they ever made. To me...that says it all.
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Old 01-19-2009, 07:44 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,065,320 times
Reputation: 22371
Quote:
Originally Posted by shoes4birds View Post
I think this is a FANTASTIC idea. IF you want your area to be the best and continue to grow and be successful, then you welcome criticism and don't take it personally. Perhaps a thought from someone who is from another area is one that can make Charlotte (or whatever city you're talking about) a better place. It's purely defensive (and egotistical) to just put up the hand and say, "if you don't like it, leave".
Ummmm . . . I think you all still are not getting it. Most of the things people gripe about are things that cannot be changed or cannot be changed by personal activisim or involvement.

For example, our highways. I stay frustrated w/ that, but there is nothing a citizen can do, including writing letters, b/c of the way money is allocated to improve roads. Same for the lights that one poster mentioned. Same for complaints about entertainment, restaurants, etc. Unless you have the money and inclination to open a new restaurant, then what can you DO about the fact that your favorite locally owned NYC pizzeria is not here?

My point is - if you don't like it here, there is only so much any of us can do to change it - so how about doing what the rest of us do and just make the best of it - or leave?

And yes, I have lived elsewhere and it is a HUGE adjustment. Moving from the South to the Midwest was a big change in many ways. But I didn't whine and complain about the things that the Midwest didn't have that I was accustomed to here in the South. I kept my mouth SHUT and learned what the locals enjoyed doing - and followed suit.

That was my point.
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Old 01-19-2009, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Michigan
528 posts, read 1,330,419 times
Reputation: 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by QCP View Post
In theory yes this is a great idea. But I think most people on here can handle a little criticism. Most of us understand that no city is perfect, and there will always be the idea of what is great for one, may make another miserable. However, I think what get's people on here all riled up is when someone, who obviously has had a hard time accepting there new city (usually because they are home sick or there job didn't work out), get on here and just make huge sweeping generalizations as if the city has nothing to offer.

For instance, I often see people post that the schools are awful. Are they? All of them? Absolutely not, even CMS has some spectacular schools. Yet people get on here, people that have no experience with the school system mind you, and claim as if the schools are terrible. Is this their opinion? No it's not, it's an ASSumption based on what? Then someone looking to relocate here with children may read that post and not move here. To that possible relocating person, this is a major decision in life that was deterred because of someone's ignorant post. That's unacceptable.

No this is not the perfect city, but more than enough to make HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of people happy. For every single transplant that I have met that regrets their move here, I've probably met 100 that have said this was one of the best decisions they ever made. To me...that says it all.
I agree with you on those that make sweeping generalizations. And assumptions are never good. If someone doesn't move here based on posts...then maybe they were never meant to move and didn't really want to in the first place. Then I think that person was just looking for a reason not to move. This board, in my opinion, should be used as a supplement to all of the MAJOR research that goes into relocating and opinions can be a sign of things that are right or wrong in an area, should always be taken with a grain of salt.

However, those that you have experienced that say that moving is the best decision they ever made, I think that depends on where they came from. Meaning, maybe they had a great school system where they were, but were forced to move to keep their heads above water financially. If they get here they can be generally happy with the area (best move they ever made) but still be unhappy with the schools and complain on this board.

Using my family as an example, we are moving for opportunity reasons. We are not forced (at this point), but Michigan has very few backup options for my husband (the major breadwinner) if something should happen to his job. We currently have great schools, a great house and family/friends are close. It is not easy for us to make the decision to move, but my husband's company has been downsizing, and we need to be in a location where he has other options in case something happens to his job. With that said, we're heading to a new area where initially we know there will be some disappointment because it's unfamiliar and because for one reason we felt we needed to move. I think it's natural to get on here and sound very negative when trying to understand the new area, especially after you feel forced from the area where you grew up. At least we know to expect that disappointment because we have moved in the past. There are plenty of people who have moved for the first time and have a picture in their minds that doesn't quite turn out the way they pictured it...at least not right away.

I do see each side's point of view, and I think both sides should empathize.
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Old 01-19-2009, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Michigan
528 posts, read 1,330,419 times
Reputation: 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Ummmm . . . I think you all still are not getting it. Most of the things people gripe about are things that cannot be changed or cannot be changed by personal activisim or involvement.

For example, our highways. I stay frustrated w/ that, but there is nothing a citizen can do, including writing letters, b/c of the way money is allocated to improve roads. Same for the lights that one poster mentioned. Same for complaints about entertainment, restaurants, etc. Unless you have the money and inclination to open a new restaurant, then what can you DO about the fact that your favorite locally owned NYC pizzeria is not here?

My point is - if you don't like it here, there is only so much any of us can do to change it - so how about doing what the rest of us do and just make the best of it - or leave?

And yes, I have lived elsewhere and it is a HUGE adjustment. Moving from the South to the Midwest was a big change in many ways. But I didn't whine and complain about the things that the Midwest didn't have that I was accustomed to here in the South. I kept my mouth SHUT and learned what the locals enjoyed doing - and followed suit.

That was my point.
Well, that's good for you then, I'm happy for you that you were able to keep your mouth shut. Some people want to vent and complain because things are different and they want a sense of familiarity. So they're all not like you...oh well, I guess some just don't assimilate in the way you were able to.

Some people wanting to move might look at these posts and realize (if moving for the first time) that it will be scary at first - that there will be that sense of unfamiliarity and that it will take a year or more to get comfortable..if it ever happens (and for most, it does). Those who complain do bring something to the table for those living in the area and those who are not yet there.

I guess in my opinion, unless they're trolls and trying to stir up nonsense, there's no reason to tell them to stop complaining or say, "then leave". They have that right to complain, just as you have the right to defend your place and BOTH sides bring something to the table. I, for one, like to see the complaints because I can determine if they're worth looking into further.

...and I still think things can be changed when it comes to roads, restaurants, coffee shops, whatever...it is the people living here and those that move here that determine what a city's future will be.
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Old 01-19-2009, 08:06 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,065,320 times
Reputation: 22371
I think we all show lots of empathy on this forum but when things are just the way they are - then what are we supposed to say? Gosh, we APOLOGIZE that moving here didn't meet your expectations? Empathize? We constantly make suggestions for alternatives to help those who are not adjusting well. But here's the bottom line: when someone moves here and complains they can't find bagels that taste like those back home - yet we have literally DOZENS of bagel shops here - what are we supposed to say?

Again, I moved to the MidWest and my whole infrastructure - way of doing things - was disrupted. From grocery stores to physicians to retail shopping to favorite restaurants to BBQ (had to add that!) to my accent being disparage to the way people DRESSED was different! Yes, even my wardrobe did not fit in! Who would have guessed that? So what did I do? I learned to FIT IN. Changed my style of clothing, learned where others shopped, made the best of the grocery stores and missing "my favorite brands," etc.

I despised not being near Blowing Rock and Boone, where I spent most of my life. But there are no mountains in Kansas, LOL!!! Oh, sure - head to Colorado but those mountains are NOT THE SAME!!!

I still miss many things about living in the KCMO region - from gambling boats to the beautiful outdoor entertainment venues to favorite restaurants to shopping on the Plaza! And sometimes I voice it here - and say I AM HOMESICK - even tho everyone knows I am a native here. It is only natural to miss things you loved elsewhere.

But I don't come on this forum (or speak to others who live here) about how Charlotte lacks A, B, C, D and therefore, this place is not meeting my needs so someone should DO something about it. What can anyone DO about it?
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Old 01-19-2009, 08:51 AM
 
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
21,903 posts, read 27,184,852 times
Reputation: 8966
Quote:
Originally Posted by shoes4birds View Post
Well, that's good for you then, I'm happy for you that you were able to keep your mouth shut. Some people want to vent and complain because things are different and they want a sense of familiarity. So they're all not like you...oh well, I guess some just don't assimilate in the way you were able to.

Some people wanting to move might look at these posts and realize (if moving for the first time) that it will be scary at first - that there will be that sense of unfamiliarity and that it will take a year or more to get comfortable..if it ever happens (and for most, it does). Those who complain do bring something to the table for those living in the area and those who are not yet there.

I guess in my opinion, unless they're trolls and trying to stir up nonsense, there's no reason to tell them to stop complaining or say, "then leave". They have that right to complain, just as you have the right to defend your place and BOTH sides bring something to the table. I, for one, like to see the complaints because I can determine if they're worth looking into further.

...and I still think things can be changed when it comes to roads, restaurants, coffee shops, whatever...it is the people living here and those that move here that determine what a city's future will be.
I don't know where you are in Michigan, but I am a native Michigander. I remember "outsiders" coming to the area & harping about things that couldn't be changed, & nobody liked it. There's also ways to complain. There's criticism & constructive criticism. You better know the difference before you go into another area.

Ani is just about the most helpful person on this board, day in & day out. You're harping at the wrong person. What she is saying is the gospel truth. I know because I have moved to other regions & am currently west of Charlotte in the outskirts of the metro area.

Here's my take on things. No one sent me an engraved invitation to come here. If things were so great back in South Jersey, I would have stayed there. I liked the area & loved Philly. Things weren't so great, so I moved. I take the good with the bad. I haven't found anything actually bad, here, so far, because I'm not looking for it.

You want to make a voluntary move, so find out what will make you reasonably comfortable & go with the flow. Coming with an ax to grind will not make your life pleasant.
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