Serious question...is Charlotte overrated? (Gastonia, Concord: best cities, unemployment rate, high school)

[monksy]

Originally Posted by bindibadji

Exactly! I guess I am different. I can't really think of many places I have lived where I had trouble establishing a social life. But, I am outgoing and friendly. I don't write people off because they have a particular accent and assume stereotypes about them. Seriously, if you can't find a suitable mate in Charlotte, you won't find one anywhere. There is a very large pool of people to chose from: all shapes, sizes, colors, nationalities, etc. In Charlotte, most of the people (65 percent from another state and 15 percent from another country) are from other states, cities, countries, etc. One would be sort of silly to make a blank statement about the girls being bible thumpers or other ridiculous statements that catagorizes. I could say the same about the girls in Philadelpia or Boston for being Catholic and not being ready for a physical environment before marriage, but I won't. I respect their beliefs and find another. Not doing that would imply that I don't have the skills to move on and find one that doesn't fit that mold. As you say, people are different and if one isn't able to deal with that, they will have a miserable life and likely a single one. As they say, Bless their hearts.

Don't get me wrong. If a girl is a bible thumper thats cool. But when you have a group of people putting such an influence on another thats an issue. I've been to many of the places that the people who are in charlotte, come from I find the people from where they're from a lot more social. I'm not the only one that has such a chip on their shoulder about charlotte. Young visitors from other cities and "expats" do as well. Big cities have their religious groups. They have their nutters who say everyone is going to hell.

I have my hands in quite a lot of social groups and get togethers. All of the social groups have a turn over rate that would rival Walmarts, and a no show rate that many of the "most popular" groups have an attendence policy. Yes, required attendence for members. Even worse, don't like the people running the group, or shut out by toxic members? Too bad, there are no alternatives to it. Want to create an alternative, you'll never get the members. Creating an alternative requires a coup d'état. I've seen this successfully happen once. [Its how one of the new social "super groups" was formed] The city is setup and organized in such a way that if you don't have friends from the local college group, its very difficult to get a good group. Its not due to bad social skills, even girls have difficulty even meeting people when they move here or have lived here for a few years. [Girls tend to be more social] Look at meetup, look at membership numbers there, if you're even more socially savy you'll know the participation rate.

I want this to be a nice place to live. I currently live here. I like getting out, meeting people, having the option to go to events, and having fun. Can I fix the issues I'm complaining about? Nope. Those kind of issues won't be fixed out a lot of people being involved.

EDIT: Social group being: a group that covers many interests, occationally does get togethers [bar meets, meet and greets], etc. [Shouldn't be for business purposes] Most interest groups collapse due to a lack of participation.

[chuckles34]

Monksy, that's depressing. I had no idea there were defined "groups" with membership requirements in Charlotte. I would stay away from that scene. I didn't have any friends from a local college when I moved here and I managed just fine.

[Native_Son]

Originally Posted by monksy

Don't get me wrong. If a girl is a bible thumper thats cool. But when you have a group of people putting such an influence on another thats an issue. I've been to many of the places that the people who are in charlotte, come from I find the people from where they're from a lot more social. I'm not the only one that has such a chip on their shoulder about charlotte. Young visitors from other cities and "expats" do as well. Big cities have their religious groups. They have their nutters who say everyone is going to hell.

I have my hands in quite a lot of social groups and get togethers. All of the social groups have a turn over rate that would rival Walmarts, and a no show rate that many of the "most popular" groups have an attendence policy. Yes, required attendence for members. Even worse, don't like the people running the group, or shut out by toxic members? Too bad, there are no alternatives to it. Want to create an alternative, you'll never get the members. Creating an alternative requires a coup d'état. I've seen this successfully happen once. [Its how one of the new social "super groups" was formed] The city is setup and organized in such a way that if you don't have friends from the local college group, its very difficult to get a good group. Its not due to bad social skills, even girls have difficulty even meeting people when they move here or have lived here for a few years. [Girls tend to be more social] Look at meetup, look at membership numbers there, if you're even more socially savy you'll know the participation rate.

I want this to be a nice place to live. I currently live here. I like getting out, meeting people, having the option to go to events, and having fun. Can I fix the issues I'm complaining about? Nope. Those kind of issues won't be fixed out a lot of people being involved.

EDIT: Social group being: a group that covers many interests, occationally does get togethers [bar meets, meet and greets], etc. [Shouldn't be for business purposes] Most interest groups collapse due to a lack of participation.

this is the paradox of the information age generation. To me, using the internet to meet people seems contrived. I would never rely on strangers to fill out my social circle.

Whatever happened to befriending your neighbors, or co-workers, or friends of friends, or meeting people who consistently show up at the same places at the same time as you? It doesn't have to be church (my friends are proof of that). Is the art of conversation lost on today's kids?

I've made and lost touch with scores of friends over the years... some turned out to be "lifers", but often friends are drawn apart by changing conditions in their lives. A new job, wives, kids, illness, prison (kidding!). Yet somehow as the social creature I am I somehow manage to always have a few close friends in town, all without the help of a meetup group or the internet.

My advice is to get out there and grow organic friendships with real people that you have some non-digital connection to. Smile, be friendly, talk about your interests but *listen* to others' interests as well. You may surprise yourself.

As much as you may disagree, your problems aren't "city" problems... they are "you" problems. You are responsible for your happiness. Not anyone else, and certainly not a "city"... over-rated or not.

Good luck.

[monksy]

Originally Posted by Native_Son

this is the paradox of the information age generation. To me, using the internet to meet people seems contrived. I would never rely on strangers to fill out my social circle.

Whatever happened to befriending your neighbors, or co-workers, or friends of friends, or meeting people who consistently show up at the same places at the same time as you? It doesn't have to be church (my friends are proof of that). Is the art of conversation lost on today's kids?

I've made and lost touch with scores of friends over the years... some turned out to be "lifers", but often friends are drawn apart by changing conditions in their lives. A new job, wives, kids, illness, prison (kidding!). Yet somehow as the social creature I am I somehow manage to always have a few close friends in town, all without the help of a meetup group or the internet.

My advice is to get out there and grow organic friendships with real people that you have some non-digital connection to. Smile, be friendly, talk about your interests but *listen* to others' interests as well. You may surprise yourself.

As much as you may disagree, your problems aren't "city" problems... they are "you" problems. You are responsible for your happiness. Not anyone else, and certainly not a "city"... over-rated or not.

Good luck.

I don't consider digital connections to be social. I attempt to participate in those groups to the extent that I can tollate. I know one or two groups that manage to weed out toxic people, somehow. From my experience when someone gets married/has kids their life changes, and you lose those people as friends. [People move on] When I meet someone I attempt to get a conversation going and find similar ground quickly. I'm a "lot more social" than many are. When a fair number of people have issues in a city, its no longer an individual problem, its a city problem. I didn't mention this before because its a bad arguement [bring up third parties], but I know of and met people that moved out of charlotte or got a horrible opinion about the social life (from experience). Has the art of conversation been lost on todays generation? Yes!

People that are late thirtys and 40s, great people. Haven't had much of an issue with them.

[Feltdesigner]

Originally Posted by monksy

Lets assume that everyone agrees that you should do that in your 20s. I certianly believe that statement to be true. The problem with commuting to cities to party is that you never meet the actual people there. One of the big draws of living in that city and partying with the people is that you'll get to meet and interact with those people. All types of people go out to party. Its not one single type of person that says hey I want to leave my house and socialize. I currently live in charlotte so if I wanted to I could commute to party anywhere in S America, islands, US, and most of Western Europe [LHR, CDG, FCO, MUC, and FRA] with a direct flight. Its not feasible, nor is it cheap to do that. Charlotte has the most expensive flight tickets in the NC area. Almost all flights out of greensboro go to Charlotte. All fights from Fayetteville via US Air go to charlotte. Driving? Myrtle Beach is 4 hours away, raliegh 3h, Ashville 2.5h or better (a good deal of it isn't on highways), Boone 2h. Etc.

I'll admit that I do the same as you, I don't do everything thats available, however in charlotte I don't have that option to do that. Charlotte is trying do encourage people do be social, aka the Alive after 5 [its not a ticketed event]. I can't go to that because I don't live downtown. I could jump on a bus, or drive, but that would hamper being able to participate in the event.

Is charlotte overrated? Depends on what you're rating it for. Its the only proper city in NC. Its a small city that people act like its big nor is it cheap for cost of living.

wait.... you don't go to Alive after 5 because you can't participate?

participate must mean getting totally trashed...

I can't feel too bad for you if you refuse to experience an event geared specifically towards young singles simply because you can't get wasted. Take a friend, get a designated driver, do something... but don't complain about Charlotte not having what it has because it isn't right on your doorstep.

You have to try to meet Charlotte halfway... it's a mid sized city but it's trying.. and the NC Music Factory is packed with people on weekends as well. Another event is the gallery crawl in NoDa this Friday...

but again, its in the city... and you will have to drive.

[Feltdesigner]

Originally Posted by monksy

I don't consider digital connections to be social. I attempt to participate in those groups to the extent that I can tollate. I know one or two groups that manage to weed out toxic people, somehow. From my experience when someone gets married/has kids their life changes, and you lose those people as friends. [People move on] When I meet someone I attempt to get a conversation going and find similar ground quickly. I'm a "lot more social" than many are. When a fair number of people have issues in a city, its no longer an individual problem, its a city problem. I didn't mention this before because its a bad arguement [bring up third parties], but I know of and met people that moved out of charlotte or got a horrible opinion about the social life (from experience). Has the art of conversation been lost on todays generation? Yes!

People that are late thirtys and 40s, great people. Haven't had much of an issue with them.

My wife has a friend who hates everything about Charlotte and anytime she comes around I leave because she is a debbie downer... always pointing out the bad and when she talks she looks like something stinks on her upper lip.

Instead of spending time talking to people about how bad Charlotte is you could have spent that time planning an event or outing to make Charlotte a fun place.

There are tons of pubs, coffee shops, etc... and if you really want more events in Charlotte you could talk to the owner about putting together a fun night of _______ *insert whatever you like*

[Big Aristotle]

Originally Posted by monksy

I don't consider digital connections to be social. I attempt to participate in those groups to the extent that I can tollate. I know one or two groups that manage to weed out toxic people, somehow. From my experience when someone gets married/has kids their life changes, and you lose those people as friends. [People move on] When I meet someone I attempt to get a conversation going and find similar ground quickly. I'm a "lot more social" than many are. When a fair number of people have issues in a city, its no longer an individual problem, its a city problem. I didn't mention this before because its a bad arguement [bring up third parties], but I know of and met people that moved out of charlotte or got a horrible opinion about the social life (from experience). Has the art of conversation been lost on todays generation? Yes!

People that are late thirtys and 40s, great people. Haven't had much of an issue with them.

In your case, I think you're seeking a more impactful nightlife or social scene than Charlotte has to offer. But as I stated in a previous post, people are people no matter where you go, after the newness wears off you'll be in the same boat...comparable to a job hopper, hoping the next gig is really a slam dunk. I think you really need to invest more time in identifying "What the hell is it I really like to do" that doesn't involve a party/bar/club. Don't get me wrong, you'll still need to party/bar/club but investing more time and energy into improving yourself long term is more valuable and fulfilling...just my two cents or penny.

[DMG721]

Interesting conversation. I think a couple of the points that have been touched on but are being overlooked are:

1) As a big city, Charlotte is an island. It's surrounded by suburbs, then small towns, all of which is Bible Belt. The nearest big cities are a few hours away by car: Raleigh, Charleston, Atlanta, etc. It's really hard for an island to survive. When a cosmopolitan type moves to Charlotte, they probably feel like they're living in West Berlin (the young'uns won't get that reference).

2) Young people don't try hard enough to meet one another. This is one of my main complaints. People who are perfectly normal and otherwise social move to Charlotte and then become shut-ins because it's too hard to get across town to go out, or because it's easier to make friends with Netflix than with new people.

3) The social groups that do exist become dominated by a clique of people who then exclude new people by essentially ignoring them and making them feel unwelcome. This describes most of the Meetup groups that I've attended. Others descend into drama as members fight over a shared love interest or some such thing.

[Feltdesigner]

1) I don't buy the city on an island theory.

2) I agree

3) social groups sound like the perfect breeding ground for some single white female, be my friend or else type weirdos...

[Sean_CLT]

Oh come on, every city forum on this website has threads about how it is "hard to meet people".

I will say though, that Charlotte is large enough that it's unusual to come across co-workers or neighbors by chance at a retail establishment. It feels odd when it happens.