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Old 11-02-2006, 11:17 AM
 
2,015 posts, read 4,654,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HobokenGuy View Post
I am sitting here at work looking out over NY Harbor, and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Do I really want to move?

I am supposed to be leaving in 7 more weeks, but I guess the fear of the unknown is creeping up on me, as I am leaving a good job, a nice apartment with a gorgeous city view, and a great soon-to-be ex-girlfriend (she refuses to move because she is television and NYC is where it's at for her).

Being I am only 29 years old, I am starting to feel that I made the mistake of my life by deciding to move to a city where activities are geared towards families.

Is this normal to have second thoughts?
Hobokenguy, I think it is normal to have second thoughts because to stay in one's "comfort zone" of life is normal. However, it sure seems like you're leaving a lot of positive things behind...a great jobs, nice apartment with gorgeous view, girlfriend, who is soon to be ex.....

I didn't read all the posts, I will in a minute, perhaps you answered as to why you're making the move. I do have to say this: I've found that listening to one's "gut" is usually the right answer. I hope that you find peace in your decision, or perhaps you will make a new decision...

Take care.
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Old 11-02-2006, 12:22 PM
 
Location: FL
2,392 posts, read 5,055,087 times
Reputation: 1274
OP, all I can say is that you can't go home twice. So as far as your girlfriend is concerned, DTB. You're 29, successful and handsome, I'm guessing and so fretting over a woman you broke up with isn't cool for a guy in your position. There's a reason you two broke up. I'm 29 as well and I would never ask a girl I was dating to move somewhere I'm moving, thereby forcing her to leave behind her things. You're not married, not planning on marrying her so you each need to do what's best for you.

All you should be thinking about is how a move to Charlotte will help or hinder you in your career and if that move can get you to where you would like to be in your life and career in the years to come.

A very wise man once told me, "Every time you walk out the door, there is a beautiful woman", so don't worry about that when you get to Charlotte. A couple of months ago when I was living in Phoenix, I dated more than 3 girls at once for months between the ages of 18 & 22. Nothing but fun my friend. You can do that anywhere. Just do what you think is best for you.

As someone said earlier, it'll take a year or a year and a half to adjust to a new area, culture and a different way of doing things, but you will adjust. Trust me, I know from experience, having moved from one side of the country to the other.
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Old 11-02-2006, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
8,292 posts, read 14,814,537 times
Reputation: 6981
Oh I hope those 3 girls were having nothing but fun too because it's not nice to play with anyone's feelings either. 29 vs 18? Big differences at those stages of life.
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Old 11-02-2006, 01:10 PM
 
Location: FL
2,392 posts, read 5,055,087 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vpcats View Post
Oh I hope those 3 girls were having nothing but fun too because it's not nice to play with anyone's feelings either. 29 vs 18? Big differences at those stages of life.
Yeah, they were having plenty o' fun. I'm the type that is honest upfront so that no one feelings get hurt at the end of the day.
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Old 11-02-2006, 02:33 PM
 
Location: State of Bliss :-)
463 posts, read 1,517,005 times
Reputation: 164
No, I don't see. Your prior words are still there to see, though. I'm simply finished debating this point. If I want *spin* I can turn on C-span.

Regards,

Cassie


Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Hopefully now you see that I am in agreement with you that this goes both ways. That she wouldn't leave tells him where he stands with her. That he is leaving without her will tell her where she stands with him.

I didn't feel I needed to point out his part in the leaving because he is already thinking about what that all means to the relationship. I only mentioned her choice as more food for thought in his decision making process.

You don't have to be married to someone to know they are the one for you. Marriage can always come later, or not The point is, and I did say this was MY humble opinion, nothing would be more important to me than being where my special someone, in this case my husband, is. By the same token, nothing is more important to him than being where I am. When you feel this way about someone, all your other choices are easy.

Last edited by Cassie; 11-02-2006 at 03:32 PM..
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Old 11-02-2006, 02:56 PM
 
Location: State of Bliss :-)
463 posts, read 1,517,005 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vpcats View Post
My $.02 for Hoboken. I think all the previous posts have given you very good advice from both ends. I also think you are "only" 29 years old. This is the point of your life where you can take risks. It's when you invest in an aggressive portfolio because you still have a lot of years before you have to become conservative and not play around with your money so you have something when you are ready to retire.
I agree with Cassie.. You may not be one for this woman because you won't give up your plans for her - like she won't for you. And this is all fine and dandy. There are lot of fish in the sea. If you don't pursue what is important to YOU now, while you are still single and don't have to worry about children, child-support, alimony, you may think "what if", when it would be much more difficult and you have less options.
I also agree with Loves Mountains wholeheartedly. Second time around is not all that you may think it is. It's great and wonderful and motivating and you're full of excitement - until reality sets back in and you end up in the same rut that killed the relationship the first time.
OK so maybe it was $.10.
Let me clarify something, before people assign thoughts or motives to me that don't exist. I don't believe that there is only *one right person* or only one person who *is meant to be* in the entire world for any other person...... unlike the myth that is promulgated by Hollywood and T.V. ( Sleepless in Seattle comes to mind) and that if they miss out on making a commitment to that person that they've missed the boat for life. I think there are more choices and opportunities than that and that we all make our decisions. Some may be based on timing, some may be based on other reasons. I love my husband dearly and am committed to him, but that doesn't mean that before having met him there weren't others I could have been equally committed to IF I had chosen to be or vice versa.

I also believe that relationships are a two way street. No one's life gets ruined by one unless they allow it to be. We all have freedom of will. I admit to being a little irked to read once again ( in a different post than the above) about how it was all the girlfriend's fault that someone's son was messed up in a relationship. HE had choices and equal responsibility.

Been there and done that..... in terms of making bad decisions about relationships. I don't blame it all on the OP. Picked myself up, recognized that I'd made a bad decision and set about rectifying it. End of story.

To Hoboken Guy, ultimately the decision about moving is is yours. Not one of us has to walk in your shoes after you do.

I wish you the best in reaching your decision and much happiness and success in whatever you decide.

Regards,

Cassie

Last edited by Cassie; 11-02-2006 at 04:01 PM..
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Old 11-02-2006, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,319,180 times
Reputation: 39845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassie View Post
No, I don't see. Your prior words are still there to see, though. I'm simply finished debating this point. If I want *spin* I can turn on C-span.

Regards,

Cassie

Cassie, do you always look to turn everything into a debate or argument? I don't think anyone else was having any difficulty following my posts so I'm just wondering about you. I explained my first post to you already, I didn't originally say the leaving goes both ways because I was only addressing Hoboken's leaving at that point. PLEASE, someone tell me, is what I wrote in this thread THAT hard to understand or follow? Maybe I didn't express things the way you would have yourself but I'm certainly not spinning anything either. You seem to be implying that I'm anti women's rights or something (which as a woman of course I am not) when this conversation has nothing to do with that issue. What is your problem?
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Old 11-02-2006, 04:47 PM
 
124 posts, read 472,795 times
Reputation: 55
No offense to anyone but you pretty much gotta take what anyone says on this board with a grain of salt. Everyone has reasons... Like Cassie for not wanting to be in NC just as there are many that have reasons that they would never leave. Everyone's situation is different and you have to make your own decisions in the end. Don't let anyone scare you away from moving and don't let anyone talk you into moving cause it is all subjective.

In regards to areguements/debates: the thing about texting a conversation, is things can be taken out of context cause you might read them in a different tone than what they were written. I would say in the debate between Cassie and Mnt... just drop it and let it roll off your backs (agree to disagree) key here is to help Hobokenguy with his issue and give him informative info he can use to make that decision.

frustrating I know, but we are all adults here and the whole premiss behind this forum is for people to help one another.
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Old 11-03-2006, 10:10 AM
 
1,800 posts, read 5,164,761 times
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Sorry, but I have lovesMountains back on this one! Although Cassie has been helpful on some threads, I feel she does "jump the gun" on certain issues. No offense, Cassie, I'm sure you're a really nice person, but it seems as though you take certain threads on this forum WAY too seriously. I agree with one of the previous posters, e-mails and forums can be very dangerous, because you just can never tell what the posters intentions are. There have been many e-mails that I've misinterpreted, just to find out later that I may have misunderstood the person's intentions. Cassie, is it possible that you're taking things to heart, that really weren't meant that way? Your posts do tend to come off as quite "aggressive". But again, that may be just me misinterpreting your intentions.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:58 AM
 
Location: State of Bliss :-)
463 posts, read 1,517,005 times
Reputation: 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by stmaarten View Post
Sorry, but I have lovesMountains back on this one! Although Cassie has been helpful on some threads, I feel she does "jump the gun" on certain issues. No offense, Cassie, I'm sure you're a really nice person, but it seems as though you take certain threads on this forum WAY too seriously. I agree with one of the previous posters, e-mails and forums can be very dangerous, because you just can never tell what the posters intentions are. There have been many e-mails that I've misinterpreted, just to find out later that I may have misunderstood the person's intentions. Cassie, is it possible that you're taking things to heart, that really weren't meant that way? Your posts do tend to come off as quite "aggressive". But again, that may be just me misinterpreting your intentions.

Yep, it just might be you misinterpreting my intentions. I tend to be emphatic about my opinions - don't mistake it for aggression. Plus, I find it really hypocritical when I'm accused of always looking for a debate or argument by someone who is equally busy debating and/or arguing as previously happened on this thread.

As far as taking the forum too seriously people are about to make a life changing move. I think that's serious business.

I do agree with Chad Detroit that people should take any information that's given on an Internet forum with a grain of salt, do their own research and make their own decisions. In fact, I've been saying that, in essence, for months.

Regards,

Cassie
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