The Charlotte New South Guide to the Proper Lady's Vernacular (to eat, title)

[anifani821]

Okay. I have determined that Charlotte is the Gateway to the South, and our city is becoming a true New South City. Part of that means we are assimilating newcomers . . . and we learn from each other. We Southerners are learning what it means to eat really good pizza and bagels . . . and our newcomers can appreciate Southern vernacular. Here is a list of "polite" vernacular for the New South Woman . . .

We don't get drunk; we get tipsy

We don't get fat, we get fluffy

The New South woman should express any emotional or physical pain as being in a state of "distress."
"Oh, dear. I feel positively distressed about how awful my hair looks" or "I feel like I am getting the flu; my tummy is terribly distressed."

We don't get angry; our blood pressure just rises. If a woman tells you her blood pressure is rising, pay attention b/c what comes next won't be nice. "Honey, your son just hit my son for the second time and I suggest you address the issue cause my blood pressure is starting to rise."

If you get told your behavior is "precious," watch out. Precious means just one step away from being nauseatingly entitled. Trina's dog poops in your yard. Trina does not scoop the poop. You observe the behavior. You greet Trina the next evening by saying, "Hi, Trina. Aren't you and your little doggie just tooooo precious!"

When something is atrocious, we don't point it out. If asked for an opinion, we say "Weeeeellll, now isn't that something!" Remember to smile nicely as you say it . . . works very well when family members or neighbors have purchased something tacky and want your opinion.

Now feel free to add your definitions to the New South Guide to Proper Lady's Vernacular.

[marvinnative]

We don't sweat - we glow

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by marvinnative

We don't sweat - we glow

Ohhh - that is good one. Yes, we positively GLOW. (I think there was a whole lotta glowing going on last summer - WHEW!!!!!)

[AmericanRoadGirl]

If you are a newcomer and a New South woman tells you she loves to shag, would like to learn to shag, or would like to shag with you, she might not (necessarily) mean what you think.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by AmericanRoadGirl

If you are a newcomer and a New South woman tells you she loves to shag, would like to learn to shag, or would like to shag with you, she might not (necessarily) mean what you think.

ROFL!!! Yes, that could be a problem, especially if the listener is a Brit!

[Barkingowl]

Well "bless your heart " Ani. This can have many connotations...

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by Barkingowl

Well "bless your heart " Ani. This can have many connotations...

Yes, Barkingowl, it surely can . . . all depends on the inflection of the voice . . . and the context of the statement.

[carolina_guy]

Originally Posted by anifani821

Yes, Barkingowl, it surely can . . . all depends on the inflection of the voice . . . and the context of the statement.

Sure can, Sweet Pea.

[carolina_guy]

Awe sweetheart, aren't you special?

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by carolina_guy

Awe sweetheart, aren't you special?

<hits carolina guy on head w/ frying pan> after saying, twice, "Oh dear, I feel my blood pressure rising!"