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Old 08-03-2017, 12:47 PM
NDL NDL started this thread
 
Location: Gaston County
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In NY, it's relatively easy to pay your respects to a friend, when their loved one dies.

Since there are only so many flower arrangements that the bereaved could receive, in NY, I would contact a local bakery - there were several from which to choose - and they would make a nice cookie arrangement that could be delivered whomever was grieving. The whole thing would run no more than forty to fifty dollars.

A few weeks ago, I wanted to express my condolences to an acquaintance. I wound up sourcing something from a commercial florist...wound up being very expensive, and the presentation didn't have the personal touch of a brick and mortar business.

Asking around, the responses varied. Among them was a suggestion to send flowers, while a few suggested going to Food Lion and presenting the bereaved a cookie tin. (This was not an option...)

I am sure that Publix or HT would make something appropriate, but neither store delivers.

I don't want for this thread to come across as being conceited. Outside of visiting the bereaved, I just want to know what practical ways I can show my support for the bereaved, in a personal way.

Again - please excuse me for saying this, as I mean no offense: in NY, there are a million and one bakeries, so dealing with this matter is easy, affordable, and painless. How can I handle this matter in the South?
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Old 08-03-2017, 01:03 PM
 
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Food. Basically something for the family to eat assuming that they wouldn't feel up to cooking. Often the church ladies would take turns feeding the family.

A plate of deviled eggs was the go to. A family recipe casserole maybe. Ladies tended to have their own specialty that they gave for any occasion.

Nowadays a sandwich tray or cake or see if the church is doing something and what you can contribute

I am separating 'for the bereaved' and 'for the funeral' since that seemed to be your question

It was nice of you to ask
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Old 08-03-2017, 01:05 PM
 
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If is hard to know what to recommend without knowing your location. Things vary a lot between areas in metro Charlotte and there are different sub cultures. What would be a kind way to show respect in town is going to be different than some of the more rural surrounding towns.

There are plenty of local bakeries near me that are family owned and operated, many delivering. Some of my favorites are Suarez Bakery, Sunflour Bakery, Southern Cake Queen's food truck, Cupcrazed down in FM, Tizzerts, Renaissance Patisserie, etc... might be worth a call to one of these if you don't want a supermarket item. Again, with location, not sure how far our they deliver.

For a florist, I highly recommend you check out Southern Blossom Florist in Elizabeth

Casseroles are also a great idea!

Last edited by CLT4; 08-03-2017 at 01:15 PM..
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Old 08-03-2017, 01:38 PM
NDL NDL started this thread
 
Location: Gaston County
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate View Post
It was nice of you to ask
It was nice of you to reply .

The problem with getting things together, is that nowadays people don't do things from scratch. I suppose in the past, a group of folks might bake items, and present that to the bereaved to represent a group. Nowadays, people are often short on time, and everyone is doing their own thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CLT4 View Post
If is hard to know what to recommend without knowing your location. Things vary a lot between areas in metro Charlotte and there are different sub cultures. What would be a kind way to show respect in town is going to be different than some of the more rural surrounding towns.
Always appreciate your thoughts.

I am in Gaston County, though I often wished that I were in Charlotte, for the very reasons that you mentioned.

I hate to bring this up again, (not that I seek to be obnoxious), but in NY if I wanted to show respects to an acquaintance - whom I had no intention of visiting personally - I could do so through a bakery.

The casserole idea is a great idea for someone who's good in the kitchen, and/or if I had the intention of visiting the bereaved.

To an acquaintance, mine is more of a gesture than anything. I speak of a person or relationship that's not close, as I would tend to visit the bereaved if I was a friend or family member. To an acquaintance I am less personal; I would send them something as a gesture.
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Old 08-03-2017, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Matthews, NC
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See if doordash/grubhub/etc delivers from BBQ places where you can order a tray of pulled pork BBQ. That's an easy thing for the bereaved to stick in the oven when they're hungry. Plus it's real food as opposed to baked goods.
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Old 08-03-2017, 02:11 PM
 
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A casseroie is the Southern go to in this situation. They can eat it now, or freeze it for later.
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Old 08-03-2017, 02:19 PM
 
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How about making a small monetary donation in honor of their loved one? That is what I typically do.
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Old 08-03-2017, 02:50 PM
 
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Coming from the Chicago area, bakeries are the one thing that I wish would open up in Charlotte. I have never understood the lack of them.

That said, monetary donations seem to be the norm these days. Typically the obituary has the recommended place. Sometimes I will pick a something that has special meaning to myself and the deceased or the family, instead.
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Old 08-03-2017, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Mooresville, NC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jayhawks91 View Post
Coming from the Chicago area, bakeries are the one thing that I wish would open up in Charlotte. I have never understood the lack of them.

That said, monetary donations seem to be the norm these days. Typically the obituary has the recommended place. Sometimes I will pick a something that has special meaning to myself and the deceased or the family, instead.
Not sure it's the norm if you're from the south. Unfortunately I've been to a few funerals this year and from the south you mourn, eat and fellowship together.

Like was said earlier in the post, a good casserole is always appreciated or really food of any kind to make it easier. My go to is a dish of something and a peace lily which is pretty and very easy to care for and can live a long time. I like to send a card a week or two later after most have moved on and the realization of their loss really sinks in for the significant left behind to let them know I'm still thinking about them and to offer up being an ear or shoulder to cry on.

Honestly though, in these situations it really is the thought that counts so you can't go wrong and likely are overthinking it, on the positive side.
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Old 08-03-2017, 07:22 PM
NDL NDL started this thread
 
Location: Gaston County
3,130 posts, read 3,612,932 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UDcc123 View Post
See if doordash/grubhub/etc delivers from BBQ places where you can order a tray of pulled pork BBQ. That's an easy thing for the bereaved to stick in the oven when they're hungry. Plus it's real food as opposed to baked goods.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlotteborn View Post
How about making a small monetary donation in honor of their loved one? That is what I typically do.
Excellent ideas...thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BC1960 View Post
A casseroie is the Southern go to in this situation. They can eat it now, or freeze it for later.
Appreciate your feedback. I suppose this is a case of "when in Rome, do as the Romans do..."

At least I won't be caught off guard next time

Quote:
Originally Posted by jayhawks91 View Post
Coming from the Chicago area, bakeries are the one thing that I wish would open up in Charlotte. I have never understood the lack of them.
I couldn't agree more! What's really puzzling is that the Raleigh area has a handful of Italian style bakeries that are thriving, with a much smaller population. Charlotte has Nonna's Sweets and Nova's, but neither has a large selection of baked goods.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf Howl View Post
Not sure it's the norm if you're from the south. Unfortunately I've been to a few funerals this year and from the south you mourn, eat and fellowship together.
Appreciate the feedback.

There are definite cultural differences in what's accepted between the North & South, and y'all have filled me in.

Thanks to you all .
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