Keeping up with the Jones Syndrome (Winterville: job, home, fit in)

[berryjuice4life]

Originally Posted by BallantyneBaby

So, whats your point?
Remember, jealousy is a green-eyed monster.

Jealousy? I dont think by any means that is it, again it was a very good point..

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by mullman

I highly recommend this book and found it a fascinating read:

DELUXE: How Luxury Lost Its Luster

Mullman - I love getting recommendations for good reading material! Thank you so much for posting this - I have not read it.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by captaincatfish

Hi folks...that opinionated Cincinnatian is here again LOL...a special hello to Ani and Loves and all the folks who make the Charlotte forum one of my faves.

Now to the subject at hand...I wanna steal and paraphrase something I saw on a bumper sticker---'He who dies with the most toys (original sticker) is still dead (my addition)... I swear, people get so caught up in what car they drive, whose silly handbag they carry, whose overpriced flimsy shoes are on their feet, and if their house is bigger and grander than everyone else's...newsflash, folks---NONE OF THAT JUNK AMOUNTS TO A BUCKET OF WARM SPIT!!! Do you realize there are 800,000,000 folks in China who don't give a rubber rat's butt who Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahnik are? If you wrap that Hummer or Beemer or Porsche around a utility pole, if you're lucky enough to be alive, then all you've got is an expensive pile of scrap metal! Don't get me wrong---there are things in this world that I'd love to have, but we're only granted so much time here on Earth, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna waste that time going into quadruple debt so that I can show off somebody's name across the butt pocket of my jeans, or go broke trying to heat and light a house so that people on the space shuttle can see it from near the moon :-) Get a grip, people---life is short and you only get one, so make the most of your stay here, and quit worrying about the doggone Joneses and take care of what goes on at YOUR particular address...'nuff said!

A special hello back at ya Captain

You and I must be cut from the same cloth - well said!

[sstarrx3]

Originally Posted by BallantyneBaby

So, whats your point?
Remember, jealousy is a green-eyed monster.

Please. I do not covet that stuff at all. If you read all of the posts in this thread, I believe the point of my post was well made and understood by just about everybody. Families having both parents work full time jobs just to have stuff to try to impress others. I am not saying having nice things is bad. If someone has worked themsleves into a high paying job that affords them luxuries that make them happy, by all means spend that cash! It's good for the economy! My point was folks killing themselves, sometimes at the expensive of what is really important, their family, to try and keep up appearances and keep up with the folks that have plenty of cash to play with.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by sstarrx3

Please. I do not covet that stuff at all. If you read all of the posts in this thread, I believe the point of my post was well made and understood by just about everybody. Families having both parents work full time jobs just to have stuff to try to impress others. I am not saying having nice things is bad. If someone has worked themsleves into a high paying job that affords them luxuries that make them happy, by all means spend that cash! It's good for the economy! My pont was folks killing themselves, sometimes at the expensive of what is really important, their family, to try and keep up appearances and keep up with the folks that have plenty of cash to play with.

EXACTLY! You were certainly understood by the majority of us here I am not anti-wealth at all, or jealous in any way of those who have more than I do. It is just sad when people put all that above the best interests of their families, that's all.

[BarbaraNJ]

Originally Posted by kelsie

LovesTheMountains: Thank you, but I am not a hero. 911 changed all of our lives. My husband was in Environmental work traveling extensively throughout the E. coast, I was a Personnel Manager in an Atlantic City Casino. The Sunday after 911, we sat on the beach on Long Beach Island NJ, watching in silence all of the couples and children looking up into the sky with blank stares and tear streaked faces. My husband looked at me and I said, "what are we doing"? And he said, "it's over"! I said to him, "let's go home and take out a map, see where we are going to start our lives over and then go and tell each of the kids". We went home, took out a map, closed our eyes and on the count of three landed on NC. Got a NC map and did the same thing, we landed on Greenville. We then went to each of the kids homes and told them what we decided. It took a lot of planning and 2 yrs., with my husband taking a p/t job at a local Home Improvement store (on top of his full time job), so that he could relocate when we moved to NC. We live within our means now, use coupons, have real friends that come to see us and not what we have, and when we go back up to see the kids and the grandchildren we have real quality time with all of them. Everyone has to look within themselves to decide what is important to them, believe in themselves and act on their decision. This was the best decision we made. The UPS driver just now pulled up to give our dog a bone and tell me his beloved dog passed away yesterday. I didn't even have a delivery. Tomorrow when he comes I will have a card for him and his wife and a ham sandwich.

Barbara: yes, I do believe if the kids were still living at home the move would have worked. However, this being said, if my mother had still been alive, it would have been a different story. She still waited 20 years for me to "come back to where I belonged" N. Caldwell, NJ. As she put to me, "you are moving WHERE--the end of the earth"? I was moving to the Jersey Shore.lol
I have found living here when people ask "how are you?" they really want to know. We found what we were searching for and it was not too late. I found out last week that my wonderful husband hates green peppers, I said to him, "I didn't know that, why didn't you tell me?" He replied, "I have been telling you for 30 years." I heard him for the first time last week. I was so caught up with---we have to have---we have to get--we have to do, that I didn't hear him say I hate green peppers. I wonder what I will find out this week.

Moving away. I grew up in Queens NY which is about 45 minutes from where I live in NJ. If I moved to Long Island I could have been that far from my parents but because you have to cross 2 bridges it might have been across the country for my mom. Thirteen years ago we had the opportunity to move to Charlotte but I wasn't ready to leave my family, wanted the kids to be near their grandparents. And so we stayed and life got more and more hectic and now I want out. Hopefully some day we will be able to leave.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by sstarrx3

Please. I do not covet that stuff at all. If you read all of the posts in this thread, I believe the point of my post was well made and understood by just about everybody. Families having both parents work full time jobs just to have stuff to try to impress others. I am not saying having nice things is bad. If someone has worked themsleves into a high paying job that affords them luxuries that make them happy, by all means spend that cash! It's good for the economy! My pont was folks killing themselves, sometimes at the expensive of what is really important, their family, to try and keep up appearances and keep up with the folks that have plenty of cash to play with.

You made your point and we understood it . . . I think someone did not read all the posts.

Something we have not mentioned . . . the divorce rate is under 50% now, but that still means many couples may end up divorcing. The American Psychology Assoc did a survey - I think in maybe 2003/4 . . . looking at divorce stats, and surveying therapists/counselors (and perhaps attorneys, as well) . . . and listed "financial concerns" as the top reason people get divorced.

It really is something to think about. Heavy debt puts a terrible strain on any marriage. And trying to keep up w/ other people and their possessions means a couple is spending energy not on developing their own values and concentrating on strengthening their family . . . but rather on extraneous things - and most likely, straining finances in the process.

So I think this thread was very insightful - and I hope people reading it will stop and think about how they handle their finances and financial goals - and start saying NO to their kids . . .and teach them what is really important in life.

[flyingscotsman]

YouTube - Michael Buble, Me & Mrs Jones

[MikeyKid]

Originally Posted by anifani821

Something we have not mentioned . . . the divorce rate is under 50% now, but that still means many couples may end up divorcing. The American Psychology Assoc did a survey - I think in maybe 2003/4 . . . looking at divorce stats, and surveying therapists/counselors (and perhaps attorneys, as well) . . . and listed "financial concerns" as the top reason people get divorced.

It really is something to think about. Heavy debt puts a terrible strain on any marriage. And trying to keep up w/ other people and their possessions means a couple is spending energy not on developing their own values and concentrating on strengthening their family . . . but rather on extraneous things - and most likely, straining finances in the process.

So I think this thread was very insightful - and I hope people reading it will stop and think about how they handle their finances and financial goals - and start saying NO to their kids . . .and teach them what is really important in life.

I thought I heard on the radio that the percentage of divorces actually increased recently... something like up to 53%.

[TheEmissary]

Originally Posted by kelsie

LovesTheMountains: Thank you, but I am not a hero. 911 changed all of our lives. My husband was in Environmental work traveling extensively throughout the E. coast, I was a Personnel Manager in an Atlantic City Casino. The Sunday after 911, we sat on the beach on Long Beach Island NJ, watching in silence all of the couples and children looking up into the sky with blank stares and tear streaked faces. My husband looked at me and I said, "what are we doing"? And he said, "it's over"! I said to him, "let's go home and take out a map, see where we are going to start our lives over and then go and tell each of the kids". We went home, took out a map, closed our eyes and on the count of three landed on NC. Got a NC map and did the same thing, we landed on Greenville. We then went to each of the kids homes and told them what we decided. It took a lot of planning and 2 yrs., with my husband taking a p/t job at a local Home Improvement store (on top of his full time job), so that he could relocate when we moved to NC. We live within our means now, use coupons, have real friends that come to see us and not what we have, and when we go back up to see the kids and the grandchildren we have real quality time with all of them. Everyone has to look within themselves to decide what is important to them, believe in themselves and act on their decision. This was the best decision we made. The UPS driver just now pulled up to give our dog a bone and tell me his beloved dog passed away yesterday. I didn't even have a delivery. Tomorrow when he comes I will have a card for him and his wife and a ham sandwich.

Barbara: yes, I do believe if the kids were still living at home the move would have worked. However, this being said, if my mother had still been alive, it would have been a different story. She still waited 20 years for me to "come back to where I belonged" N. Caldwell, NJ. As she put to me, "you are moving WHERE--the end of the earth"? I was moving to the Jersey Shore.lol
I have found living here when people ask "how are you?" they really want to know. We found what we were searching for and it was not too late. I found out last week that my wonderful husband hates green peppers, I said to him, "I didn't know that, why didn't you tell me?" He replied, "I have been telling you for 30 years." I heard him for the first time last week. I was so caught up with---we have to have---we have to get--we have to do, that I didn't hear him say I hate green peppers. I wonder what I will find out this week.

Maybe the best idea I came up with, was not moving to a place where it looked like keeping up with the Jones's, was a necessary expectation of living there. Some of the developments I looked at, reminded me too much of "The Stepford Wives". Stepford, that fictional town in Connecticut, is more a state of mind.

I remember that old "Twilight Zone" episode, with James Daly as the harried executive constantly nagged by his greedy wife and and pushy boss who always wanted "more" out of him. He would ride the train back home, nod out, and would constantly dream of another Connecticut town, which really didn't exist."Willoughby" looked like an early 20th Century little town filled with happy, polite people who cared about each other. At the end of the episode, he "got off" the train in "Willoughby". There are probably many people out there that would like to do the same thing he did!

9/11 changed all of us!. I remember driving past some of those NJ Transit Stations later that week, containing those cars and SUVs whose owners were never coming back home to retrieve them. Those two "Pillars of Light" that rose up to the sky, to mark where the buildings had been, and burned until the end of March 2002, are indelibly etched into my mind.

I've tried my best to create my own "Willoughby"