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Old 06-09-2008, 03:26 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,016,830 times
Reputation: 22370

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ssd3 View Post
I think I vent my frustrations on here so not to bother my family and friends. They all fell so terrible about us leaving I don't want to make things worse for them. I try to keep a happy face for the kids. I try not to complain to my DH, he feels bad enough about having us leave our home, friends and family. And I don't dare tell my family because they are so sad and angry we are leaving. So you all are the lucky ones who get to hear my concerns and complaints. SORRY!!
Dear SSD, you just let us know anytime you are feeling frustrated, frightened, overwhelmed or discouraged. You are making a BIG CHANGE. We only hope we are making it a bit easier for you.
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Old 06-09-2008, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,310,401 times
Reputation: 39845
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Dear SSD, you just let us know anytime you are feeling frustrated, frightened, overwhelmed or discouraged. You are making a BIG CHANGE. We only hope we are making it a bit easier for you.
Yes, I agree SSD What can we do to make you feel any less anxious about your move?
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Old 06-09-2008, 03:37 PM
 
6,866 posts, read 6,944,260 times
Reputation: 5728
Default Try a little compassion

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Don't know what being "miserable" has got to do with being honest. The lady was just expressing her and her husbands feelings about being here.
People aren't going to be HAPPY all the time!!
Sometimes a little compassion will help an unhappy person. Maybe trying to be understanding would be better than changing the subject. Possibly the woman was under a lot of pressure at home, who knows?
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Old 06-09-2008, 03:54 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,016,830 times
Reputation: 22370
Quote:
Originally Posted by staywarm2 View Post
Sometimes a little compassion will help an unhappy person. Maybe trying to be understanding would be better than changing the subject. Possibly the woman was under a lot of pressure at home, who knows?
I think the OP was saying this lady was simply negative, no matter what topic came up. A person who is that negative about every subject is not going to make a new friend - and a new friend may be one of the things that would make her feel better about living here. No one enjoys being around someone who can only see what is "wrong" w/ everything around them.
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Old 06-09-2008, 04:39 PM
 
54 posts, read 204,630 times
Reputation: 37
I don't mean to sound ridiculously prideful, but unless you grew up in New York/NJ and lived there the majority of your life, you have absolutely NO idea what a HUUUUUUUUGE change it is to live in the south. And then you say, why go? Well most people don't enjoy being run out of their houses by high prices and things like that and they'd like to live in a land that is similar to theirs without the ridiculous prices.. so yes, us new yorkers want to take down to the south our amazing food that you can't seem to find anywhere else (since we've been eating it our whole life) and we are just not going to change completely to southerners just by living in the south! I mean being fast paced, even eating that NY style food your whole life, it becomes a part of who you are and just what you are used to.. so i don't think it is a crime to want to live in Charlotte similarly to the way you did in NY! I NEVER wanted to leave New York, but i had to as a newlywed who couldn't afford nor did i want a small tiny apartment for over $1200 a month! So yup, I'm moving to Charlotte and yes I will go out seeking for my italian markets, italian ices, GOOD italian tomato canned sauce, and all those other things and if they don't exist here yet, we will bring them here. A lot of people aren't thrilled to leave their families and extended families in NY but they have to and they choose Charlotte as the best next spot, so consider for a minute that it's a really really tough adjustment to be living in NC and there is definitely going to be complaining until the adjustment runs its course.
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Old 06-09-2008, 04:50 PM
 
Location: The 12th State
22,974 posts, read 58,480,053 times
Reputation: 14917
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnieD27 View Post
I don't mean to sound ridiculously prideful, but unless you grew up in New York/NJ and lived there the majority of your life, you have absolutely NO idea what a HUUUUUUUUGE change it is to live in the south. And then you say, why go? Well most people don't enjoy being run out of their houses by high prices and things like that and they'd like to live in a land that is similar to theirs without the ridiculous prices.. so yes, us new yorkers want to take down to the south our amazing food that you can't seem to find anywhere else (since we've been eating it our whole life) and we are just not going to change completely to southerners just by living in the south! I mean being fast paced, even eating that NY style food your whole life, it becomes a part of who you are and just what you are used to.. so i don't think it is a crime to want to live in Charlotte similarly to the way you did in NY! I NEVER wanted to leave New York, but i had to as a newlywed who couldn't afford nor did i want a small tiny apartment for over $1200 a month! So yup, I'm moving to Charlotte and yes I will go out seeking for my italian markets, italian ices, GOOD italian tomato canned sauce, and all those other things and if they don't exist here yet, we will bring them here. A lot of people aren't thrilled to leave their families and extended families in NY but they have to and they choose Charlotte as the best next spot, so consider for a minute that it's a really really tough adjustment to be living in NC and there is definitely going to be complaining until the adjustment runs its course.
Another example you have become a refugee.

Fars as food and manners adapt to local customs if you want to fit in.
This is similar to moving to Iceland I will not find a good country fried steak nor do I expect it.
"Do as the romans do"
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Old 06-09-2008, 05:02 PM
 
206 posts, read 453,344 times
Reputation: 90
Default Make friends

Moving from the NE to the South requires great adjustment.. no kidding! However, some people make a habit/career out of complaining and no one wants to be around someone is always negative - seriously. These individuals have difficulty making friends so the adjustment is harder. Case in point with the original post. I am sure Ann won't be getting an invitation to have dinner or watch a movie...

This may not be the case for everyone who is always complaining but I bet if you met most of those same people in their old neighborhoods they would have been complaining about where they lived. Just a thought. These are probably the same people who take vacations in foreign countries and complain that the natives and the country are not like "back home" instead of opening their minds up to a new and different experience. Sometimes we have to just adjust and enjoy life. If not, do something about it like start etching out a plan to return home and stop forcing others to share your misery.

I say seek out the fun stuff and make friends with the many friendly people here (even my fellow NE folks seem friendlier now that they are in Charlotte). Get busy with a charity, there's tons of them here.
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Old 06-09-2008, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
2,175 posts, read 2,906,264 times
Reputation: 5816
Holy Smokes, SunnieD27!! Please don't think I am being ultra critical BUT, wow, with that attitude...best of luck. clearly you are harboring huge resentment toward this move and toward NC in general.

I have lived in NYC, Los Angles, Washington, DC and Baltimore. All big, world class,sophisitcated cities with a lot to offer. Sure,NC is very different but still very livable. We all hear you loud and clear. You DO NOT want to come down here. May I suggest that you might want to check your horror about moving at the state line?

There really ARE some great places and things to explore here. NO, we do not have great Italian ices, tomato canned sauces and perhaps other things that you will surely miss. There are some things here that you can't get there, either. But I suggest that if you come with a bad attitude and a hunker down against the Carolinas, you will find it hard to find happiness here, ever. That would be so hard on you and your immediate family who moves with you.

I left my family behind too. That is surely the hardest part. Clearly you are not happy about leaving them behind, nor are they willing to let you go easily. Yes, it is a horribly hard ajustment and it WILL take time to get used to things here. (Been there, done that when my ex moved us from DC to LA) Ultimately you have to decide what is more important: Your husband and kids or your extended family and friends.

Please understand, you are welcome to take out your fury and disappointment and anger here. The most promising thing in your post is when you say "there is definately going to be complaining UNTIL THE ADJUSTMENT RUNS IT COURSE" (my caps) I think that shows that you are at least willing to try and that makes me at least hopeful for your happiness here.

My heart goes out to you for being so frustrated and unhappy. I do sincerely hope you will learn to find happiness here. Those of us (seasoned veterans and newcomers alike) on this site are eager to welcome you with open arms and to help you settle in here. Let us know how we can help you adjust. You will be welcomed here and have best wishes for an easy transition.
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Old 06-09-2008, 05:39 PM
 
285 posts, read 969,691 times
Reputation: 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by staywarm2 View Post
Sometimes a little compassion will help an unhappy person. Maybe trying to be understanding would be better than changing the subject. Possibly the woman was under a lot of pressure at home, who knows?
Being that I didn't know this lady at all, I didn't want to seem like I was prying. Plus I changed the subject trying to encourage her, trying to find something positive to talk about. But I was shot down on several subjects from Asheville to Latta Plantation. I gave up as she was determined to hate everything and everything was better back home.

But if I bump into anyone else, I will still be nice!
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Old 06-09-2008, 05:44 PM
 
285 posts, read 969,691 times
Reputation: 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnieD27 View Post
I don't mean to sound ridiculously prideful, but unless you grew up in New York/NJ and lived there the majority of your life, you have absolutely NO idea what a HUUUUUUUUGE change it is to live in the south. And then you say, why go? Well most people don't enjoy being run out of their houses by high prices and things like that and they'd like to live in a land that is similar to theirs without the ridiculous prices.. so yes, us new yorkers want to take down to the south our amazing food that you can't seem to find anywhere else (since we've been eating it our whole life) and we are just not going to change completely to southerners just by living in the south! I mean being fast paced, even eating that NY style food your whole life, it becomes a part of who you are and just what you are used to.. so i don't think it is a crime to want to live in Charlotte similarly to the way you did in NY! I NEVER wanted to leave New York, but i had to as a newlywed who couldn't afford nor did i want a small tiny apartment for over $1200 a month! So yup, I'm moving to Charlotte and yes I will go out seeking for my italian markets, italian ices, GOOD italian tomato canned sauce, and all those other things and if they don't exist here yet, we will bring them here. A lot of people aren't thrilled to leave their families and extended families in NY but they have to and they choose Charlotte as the best next spot, so consider for a minute that it's a really really tough adjustment to be living in NC and there is definitely going to be complaining until the adjustment runs its course.
Funny, I am a native Floridian and I loved Miami. However it has changed so much in the last 7 years, I don't recognize it anymore. When I came here, I miss the awesome cuban food, the warm passionate latin people from all countries (uh latin doesn't mean only mexican!) and my huge family. When I came here, I didn't expect to find all that here. Nor would I want to change what is here either. Charlotte has its own charm and why would I want to change it to be like Miami? I would just move back and suck up the high prices.
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