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Old 06-12-2008, 12:29 PM
 
307 posts, read 627,557 times
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I moved here a little over two months ago so I know it hasn't been long but I have been a little home sick.

Now first let me say my bf and I really wanted to make this move and he has family in the area and it is something I agreed to after knowing we could have a better life and afford more home here.

I come from the DC area and lived there my whole life, I was so excited about this move and ready to go and I am still glad I moved but I really miss my family. My family and friends are the main thing I have missed the most. I also want to make some new friends around here but so far it hasn't been that easy. I know I need to put myself out there and I really haven't due to being busy and looking for a job. I have secured employment and while I thought I might meet a lot of people at work I am actually working independently and mostly from home so that will not be what I expected.

I am between the stages of wanting to go out and socialize in uptown and settling down and starting a family. I am not at either point right now. I use to meet tons of people through professional networking, socializing at happy hours, going out a lot, etc but I am not really into that anymore.

We are renting until we can buy a home so I don't feel like I have that community to reach out to either. I guess I feel like I am in limbo until we really put some roots down around here.

Anyone go through this kind of thing upon relocating and how long did it take to feel better? I know it will get better just wondering if this is common when relocating?
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Old 06-12-2008, 12:51 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,004,073 times
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Even in the best of situations, moving is very disconcerting and it can take a while to get your bearings and start feeling "at home." Meeting new friends really is the big key, especially for women (in my opinion). And it is not so simple to meet people you are compatible with and who are interested in the same things . . . You may end up joining some groups, volunteering and still finding you have not met a potential friend but you just about have to go thru/ those steps to put yourself in the position of meeting others . . . Work is one of the easiest ways to meet someone . . . either you or your DH - perhaps going out w/ a coworker - couples meeting up for dinner . . .

I am a native, but moved away . . . and even tho I came back home six years ago, I still get "homesick" for my former neighborhood and friends sometimes! In fact, I even get a little homesick for things like - my former neighborhood pub, the wonderful art museum where we used to meet up w/ other friends for Friday nite buffet and chamber music b/f heading out to a nice jazz club . . . miss regional events that I looked forward to . . . miss the wonderful outdoor concert venue where we went regularly . . .

So it is just gonna happen. It takes a while to find new things to "substitute" for the things you enjoyed doing in your former home.

I also realized that I missed having people around me who "knew my history" and indeed, had helped me create that history!!!! When you move to a new place, you are starting all over and that new friend knows nothing about all the small things that have occurred in your life (or the big, momentous ones!!!) . . . those things that have helped shape who you are today.

However, what a wonderful adventure it can be to meet new people, and discover that you really enjoy being in their company . . . or they make you laugh . . . all those things can be so rewarding and great fun, as well.

Once you find your way around and discover special spots that are special to you (and to your DH, too) then you will start feeling a bit more anchored. It is so hard not to compare everything from restaurants to grocery stores to those things in your former home. Sometimes, you just have to say . . . Okay, it is different. Maybe different doesn't mean "less" - it just means . . . not the same!!!! LOL!!!! Some things may feel like a compromise at times . . . but then you may find things that you actually like BETTER . . .

Don't be hard on yourself. Many of us still felt displaced even after a year in a new place, especially when renting - there just isn't that feeling of permanency . . .

Try making a list of all the things you need to do to help yourself get settled, from doctor's offices to hair stylist to "best place to shop" for clothing, beauty supplies, kitchen gadgets, home decor, food, etc. Then set out to explore. You may have moments of feeling lonely b/c you wish you had your g/f or sister or mom w/ you . . . but think of it as a journey - and that you are going to report your progress back to your friends and family . . ."Today I found the neatest hand made jewelry boutique" for example.

Take some chances. Ask questions. Join some groups, even if you drop out, Hee Hee. You never know what may be around the corner - if you hold yourself back.

If you have some hobby or talent you have always wanted to explore, now might be the time to do that!! I met a wonderful person recently who has not lived here too long, and is into pottery! And her work is lovely! She found a class and indeed, has an aptitude for it. So think of classes you might enjoy . . . and delve in! You may even make a friend along the way as well as learn (or expand) a skill. Don't forget the continuing education classes at CPCC . . .

Whatever you do, don't get discouraged for feeling displaced or for missing your friends, family and those special places you used to go . . . this is all part of a process . . . letting go of things you enjoyed but replacing those things w/ new experiences and people. It is totally normal to feel some homesickness and even loneliness when you move to a new place. But that will all change in time . . . DO NOT GET DISCOURAGED!

Last edited by brokensky; 06-12-2008 at 12:54 PM.. Reason: typo
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Old 06-12-2008, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,294,482 times
Reputation: 39844
Quote:
Originally Posted by JLK706 View Post
I moved here a little over two months ago so I know it hasn't been long but I have been a little home sick.

Now first let me say my bf and I really wanted to make this move and he has family in the area and it is something I agreed to after knowing we could have a better life and afford more home here.

I come from the DC area and lived there my whole life, I was so excited about this move and ready to go and I am still glad I moved but I really miss my family. My family and friends are the main thing I have missed the most. I also want to make some new friends around here but so far it hasn't been that easy. I know I need to put myself out there and I really haven't due to being busy and looking for a job. I have secured employment and while I thought I might meet a lot of people at work I am actually working independently and mostly from home so that will not be what I expected.

I am between the stages of wanting to go out and socialize in uptown and settling down and starting a family. I am not at either point right now. I use to meet tons of people through professional networking, socializing at happy hours, going out a lot, etc but I am not really into that anymore.

We are renting until we can buy a home so I don't feel like I have that community to reach out to either. I guess I feel like I am in limbo until we really put some roots down around here.

Anyone go through this kind of thing upon relocating and how long did it take to feel better? I know it will get better just wondering if this is common when relocating?

It is SO common! Believe me, you are perfectly normal The good thing is you aren't doing this all by yourself, you do have your boyfriend and some family around. Just give yourself time, everything seems foreign to you now, but once you get more familiar with the area you'll feel more "at home" I think. One way to hasten the process is to get involved in something. If you are a believer find a new church - this is a great way to meet lots of nice people and find a place where you get a sense of belonging. If that isn't your thing, how about a great group like CHOA - Charlotte Outdoor Adventures - tons of nice people there with many different types of fun activities. Whatever your interests are just find a way to use them to meet some people. Gradually you will begin to feel better and better, I'm sure
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Ayrsley
4,714 posts, read 8,457,079 times
Reputation: 3814
JLK - what part of town are you located in? We're moving down this weekend (first to Ballantyne, and then over to Ayrsley) and we're also coming from your previous neck of the woods (DC and Baltimore). Shoot me a PM if you like.
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:08 PM
 
1,907 posts, read 4,446,013 times
Reputation: 730
Ani, I knew you would know just what to say. I tried to post twice since reading hers and just kept crying. Guess I'm more homesick than I allow myself to feel. Here I thought I could help since we're from the same area and I couldn't even get the first sentence out without a bawling break.
I was glad that when I came back for round three you were here and to the rescue. I couldn't have said it better myself!!!
Loves, yours was up when I hit "submit". Your words are always so comforting. All of newcomers are lucky to have You both.
I think I'll toast you both at 5:00!!!!!

Last edited by Doorway; 06-12-2008 at 01:12 PM.. Reason: added note to luvs
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,294,482 times
Reputation: 39844
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doorway View Post
Ani, I knew you would know just what to say. I tried to post twice since reading hers and just kept crying. Guess I'm more homesick than I allow myself to feel. Here I thought I could help since we're from the same area and I couldn't even get the first sentence out without a bawling break.
I was glad that when I came back for round three you were here and to the rescue. I couldn't have said it better myself!!!
Awww Doorway, I had no idea you were still battling such homesickness yourself! We need another girls night out ladies!!!!! When southcharlotte&union comes back on we have to get her to organize it
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:19 PM
 
1,907 posts, read 4,446,013 times
Reputation: 730
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Awww Doorway, I had no idea you were still battling such homesickness yourself! We need another girls night out ladies!!!!! When southcharlotte&union comes back on we have to get her to organize it
Neither did I......................xo
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:31 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,004,073 times
Reputation: 22370
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doorway View Post
Neither did I......................xo
Now I am getting teary knowing you got teary - aren't we all a fine crew!!!!

Doorway, you let me know when you wanna have lunch and we will meet up!!!
We don't have to wait for GNO!!!!

BTW - DC is one of my favorite spots on the planet . . . DH and I met there!!!

Heck, we need to plan a trip to DC!!!! Let's charter a bus and go!!!! City Data does DC!!! HEE HEE!!!!
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
1,808 posts, read 5,857,943 times
Reputation: 748
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Heck, we need to plan a trip to DC!!!! Let's charter a bus and go!!!! City Data does DC!!! HEE HEE!!!!
I'm in! I volunteer to be the tour guide through Old Town Alexandria!!!
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Cornelius NC
380 posts, read 1,614,188 times
Reputation: 191
I have been here almost 6 months and I am still so homesick I could scream. And I do almost every day. I have tried all I know how to meet people but when your kids are older, and when you haven't found a job, it is really hard to do. I too, wanted to move here and was in agreement with my husband's decision. He had a job waiting for him. And really all he (and maybe most men) need is their job and spouse. I need more. I need friends!!! Anifan, you really articulating it all well. Where do you live? You sound like you would be a great friend.
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