Home not selling!!! (Charlotte, Raleigh, Huntersville: sale, to rent, mortgage)

[fllover]

Just wondering how many who have relocated have had to leave a spouse behind temporarily pending the sale of your home. How difficult has it been to adjust to this arrangement, how long has it been since since you relocated alone, what arrangements have been made (do they fly to Charlotte for a weekend here and there?), has it put a any strain on marriages?.

My DH is in the process of interviewing with companies both in Charlotte and Raleigh. If offered a position he would need to go on ahead and I would stay back "holding the fort" (with a 5 year old and a newborn) and hoping our home will sell. We're also thinking of perhaps renting the home until the market picks up but we're a little nervous about that.

DH's friend moved in Feb to SC and his spouse stood behind in NY pending sale of their home (it is now almost July and no one has shown interest in the home). They seem to be having a tough time due to the distance, etc

Just wondering how many are going through this same situation now that the housing market has plunged. Any and all info is appreciated

[fllover]

Sorry, couldn't think of a name for the thread other than "Home Not Selling"

[FLtoNC]

I'm sure you will find a lot of people in similar situations. My husband moved to NC 6 weeks before I did, but at the time there was no telling how long it would be before I could join him. I stayed in FL to get the house sold with my 3 kids. It did not put a strain on our marriage, but it sure put some stress on me due to unfortunate things that happened. A few days after my husband left, the electric doors on my minivan broke, and I couldn't open or close them. I know nothing about fixing cars, but if you can believe it, I went online & did some research & ended up fixing it myself. Then the next weekend, all the shelving and clothes in my closet fell off the wall in the middle of the night the day before I was having an open house. I don't know how I did it, but I redid all the shelving and patched the holes in the wall before the open house. Of course if hubby was home, he would have done this! Then, the week after that, all 3 of my kids and my parents (who were my babysitters) got really sick. My six-year-old got admitted to the hospital, and I had to leave him there for 2 nights by himself, because my other kids were so sick at home. That was horrible, but he was so brave. I think of all my kids, he was the only one who could have handled being in a hospital alone. In the meantime, my house sold, and six weeks later our family was reunited. Since my husband was starting a new job, it wasn't feasible for him to come home for any of this stuff, but I managed. And despite the stress of all this, I am still glad we did what we did!

[fllover]

Wow FLtoNC,

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that but at the same time, how proud you must feel to have been able to go through all of that and still manage to make it work on your own. I'm glad you guys are all together again and that it did not take too long for your home to sell.

I figured there must have been lots of others in our same situation, especially since the housing market is so much worse in NV and FL. You've given me hope!!

[pink caddy]

Try to think "This too will pass". Think about the big picture and that in a short time your future will be bettter and your marriage stronger. In other words-all positives thoughts to get you thru a period of history that has no equal----- but just like ALL history "This too will pass".
Best of luck.

[md to nc]

Oh yes we have been through it. It will be tough and there will be times you will think "Why am I doing this? What am I putting myself through?" and you have to stop and gather everything together and keep focused. My dh moved here in August 2006 while I stayed behind in MD. Although he was close enough to come home everyother weekend, he was moving boxes at the same time. We got a contract on our house in September 2006 but couldn't close until November 2006 but 2 weeks before settlement, the buyers backed out due to their buyers backing out. We were to settle on our new house here in NC in two weeks. We went through with it and prayed we would not have two house payments for long. The same buyers did come back Early Dec 2006 but $15K less than original because we believe they somehow got word we have already settled and was desperate. Realtors, gotta lovem. Anyway it did sell but $15K but lots of hope and prayer kept us going. you will sell the home and you will rejoin together again. It may not be for what you really want but just think of the end result and you will sit back and smile.

[CVP]

My husband's company relocated him to Charlotte last July. We've had a commuter marriage since then. I stayed behind in PA with my daughter and stepson who were entering their senior year of high school (no way could we move them then!) A very kind friend, who lives in Huntersville, gave my DH a bedroom to stay in. DH would fly home on the weekends, at our expense (too far to drive...10 hours!), often times with connections in Detroit where he had a 3 hour layover and flights were often canceled, delayed, etc. Very frustrating! We put our house on the market in February. No action. By May I started my job search. Flew down to Charlotte for an interview. By the 3rd week of June, I was offered a great job. With the kids now done with school, I'm free to come to Charlotte and will start my new job in July. However, our house still sits on the market with no activity. We have arranged to rent an apt. in the meantime, but it's going to be tough paying rent and our mortgage at the same time. At least we have good jobs. I'm thankful for that. It has been one heck of a tough year on us...emotionally, financially... We almost gave up a few times. People who had done it before said we wouldn't get through it. That inspired me...knowing that people were expecting us to fail...I had to prove them wrong! We're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now that I'm moving down there and we'll soon be together again full time...but we still need to sell our house!!!!!!!

[hooligan]

When we moved down here we both came and left the house empty back in MI. We had moved 90% of the furniture and things out of the house, and we have good friends that lived right next door, so they kept an eye on the place for us.

Any chance of you working out something like that, too?

[anifani821]

My DH and I were 1000 miles apart for over a year. I was in Kansas, he was in NC. I had to fight blizzards, shoveling out under 16 inches of snow, etc. Power outages, malfunctioning heat pump, toilet flooding, illness (he got pneumonia, I had a raging fever for three days w/ the flu - very ill) . . . a tree in our front lawn fell during an ice storm . . . car problems . . . not a good thing. I made it through b/c of wonderful and supportive friends . . . and careful planning. One has to be prepared to be brave and self-sufficient. I reminded myself that my grandmother had been apart from my g/dad during WWII . . .and if she managed, so could I. And I did manage. I flew to NC usually once a month. DH only came back to KS three times, I think. It was challenging. But you do what you have to do. It all worked out for us but there was an adjustment period when we finally got back together permanently. We had both gotten used to being very self-contained and self-sufficient. Took a while to settle back into touching base about schedules and sharing concerns - as we both didn't want to "worry the other" while we were apart. Good communication is key. However, if you are going to feel abandoned w/ children and over-burdened b/c Dad is not around to help w/ the kids . . . then you will most likely find this arrangement to be quite taxing - and accompanied by a lot of intermittent anger. Be really honest w/ yourself, as feelings of abandonment can rise up and make for a lot of resentment.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by hooligan

When we moved down here we both came and left the house empty back in MI. We had moved 90% of the furniture and things out of the house, and we have good friends that lived right next door, so they kept an eye on the place for us.

Any chance of you working out something like that, too?

I would suggest that if you can possibly work out something such as Hooligan has mentioned, it would most likely be easier on your whole family. I had to stay behind b/c I had my own business and contracts to fulfill. If I could have managed a different situation, such as Hooligan mentioned, I would have.