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Old 10-08-2008, 05:46 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,023,037 times
Reputation: 22370

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyKayak View Post
I dont think promoting vandalism is the answer to a small community issue. The parents acting like responsible adults and talking with this person is.
I hope everyone knows that Bibit and I were just goofing around w/ the cut tires comment . . . and pointing out that people can get really upset over neighborhood issues, especially when they involve children . . . I would never condone such behavior, of course. Just wanted to make sure our banter was not misunderstood.
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Old 10-08-2008, 05:59 AM
 
Location: Fort Mill, SC
1,105 posts, read 4,169,222 times
Reputation: 628
Quote:
Originally Posted by just lookin' View Post
We just moved here from CA & reading the posts of the cul-de-sacs filled with kids brings tears to my eyes missing our old neighborhood - we had over 40 kids on our cul-de-sac ! In looking for our new home here in CLT one of the first things I noticed was the lack of sidewalks and connectiveness to parks or outside space. At first I cried, where will our boy ride his bike? If the cul-de-sacs are now off limits -- what to do??? We'll keep looking for the neighborhoods with kids outside playing....any of you that live on one, I'd love to hear where!
Well our neighborhood is certainly one of them! This is an extremely kid friendly neighborhood. I've said from the beginning when we have encountered an abnormally grumpy person, that if you don't like kids or dogs then you will be very miserable here. There are always kids running around, riding bikes, neighbors on their front porches, etc. I've never come across the likes of this person. There was one older couple that moved in a few years ago that didn't stay long once they figured that out. They didn't complain or get nasty though, they just realized it was a neighborhood full of 30-40 somethings with children, not a retirement community!
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Old 10-08-2008, 06:31 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,023,037 times
Reputation: 22370
Jenn: I would not send a letter and make myself more of a target. Seems you have managed to stay out of it to this point. For anyone who has been directly confronted, this may be a good idea, if only b/c of documentation of the woman's behavior.

I will re-iterate what I said earlier. This woman may not merely be irritable or difficult. She may be dealing w/ mental health issues. No one wants to believe that people around us can be mentally ill, but the stats are that four out of seven (4:7) people have some behavioral health issue that they are dealing with. This may be something that others would never know about - such as alcoholism, OCD, PTSD, gambling addiction, etc. But for that one person out of four (1:4) - it will be a larger mental health issue that needs therapeutic intervention, i.e., bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, etc. The good news is - these are brain chemistry disorders and w/ proper meds and therapy, most people can live very normal lives! But for those who refuse treatment - or are never properly diagnosed - living w/ a mental illness can mean a lot of dysfunction w/in a family and more often than not - dysfunction that seeps out into neighborhoods and the workplace.

This is just what it is.

I am not saying this woman is mentally ill. But I am saying - statistically - there are people in our communities that ARE mentally ill and they are not all receiving treatment. I remind others of this NOT to stigmatize mental illness . . . but to alert families and friends to the possibility that those around us may be suffering - and may not seek treatment on their own.

IF (and I emphasize IF) this woman is a rager . . . and it appears she IS . . . this can indicate the possibility of bigger issues . . . and IF she has bigger issues, dealing w/ her is going to be nearly impossible b/c she is operating w/in a reality that others cannot understand. She may have focused on activity in the culdesac b/c she feels it is a conspiracy to disturb her. She may have decided the women (mothers) are out to "get" her. She may feel she is going to "prove" she has "rights" and she is not going to be "taken advantage of." WHO KNOWS? But the point is - trying to rationally deal w/ a person who is mentally ill will get you NOWHERE, assuming that person is not on meds and not in treatment.

That is why I highly suggest that people who are accosted by her keep records. Most of us are completely uneducated about psychotic episodes, how to recognize one, how to seek help, etc. But the facts are: people do have psychotic episodes and indeed, can function for months (in some cases) in a psychotic state. Again, I am not saying this is what it going on, but reminding people that it is POSSIBLE that this is the situation. A person in a psychotic state has an altered reality . . . and their behavior can be totally irrational and erratic (and in extreme cases - harmful).

Let's hope the lady will settle down . . . but what if she doesn't? What if she accosts a child or a mother? What if her behavior escalates beyond mere verbal assaults? Keep records!!! And do not hesitate to call 911 if this woman ever gets physical w/ ANYONE.

When anyone's response to a situation is inappropriate . . . you have to stand back and consider . . . is this person dealing w/ mental health issues? A woman who screams obscenities directly at children IN A PUBLIC SETTING and is verbally assaultive to parents IN A PUBLIC SETTING is not acting rationally.

Anyone can come unglued about repeated behavior and if this woman had asked parents several times to please "curb their kids" . . . and had explained her reasons why they were disturbing her (odd work hours; need to sleep; kids damaged car, etc) . . . and then got angry when no one tried to respect her wishes . . . then that is different. But shouting profanities and coming apart at the seams without prior RATIONAL discussions w/ parents . . . that is simply NOT the action of a stable person. A stable person who is highly agitated/angry/disgusted is still capable of rationally explaining to others WHY they are agitated and to suggest ways to mitigate the situation, even if their tone is angry. ("You are doing XX; This is impacting my life in the following ways . . . Please refrain from doing XX. Thank you.")

The best thing all the mothers can do is avoid play in the culdesac - and when there are children playing, parents should always be present. The best solution would be to have fathers in the mix, as this woman may have issues w/ women and may refrain from displaying anger if there are males present. Otherwise, there is nothing to be done but keep records. If she is mentally ill (and not in treatment) her behavior will most likely escalate and at the point it does . . . that is when someone needs to call 911 and state that there is a woman who is out of control - and who has a history of irrational behavior - and that someone needs to send LE to intervene.

Unfortunately, CharMeck does not have Crisis Intervention Teams (CIT) - officers who are trained to deal w/ mental health issues - to ascertain when a citizen may need a mental health evaluation.
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Old 10-08-2008, 07:59 AM
 
4,222 posts, read 6,711,313 times
Reputation: 1560
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Escuse me Bandi - go back and read it again...

The OP said, "having MAJOR issues with kids playing in the culdesac".

Drawing in chalk on a street hardly makes a neighborhood look like a ghetto for pete's sake. IT'S CHALK, NOT SPRAY PAINT.

I would agree however, the cranky woman would have been better off staying in the country - she's apparently not meant to live so closely to others .
My error. I must have been thinking of another place and another time.
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Old 10-08-2008, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Ayrsley
4,714 posts, read 8,459,492 times
Reputation: 3814
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
IF (and I emphasize IF) this woman is a rager . . . and it appears she IS . . . this can indicate the possibility of bigger issues . . . and IF she has bigger issues, dealing w/ her is going to be nearly impossible b/c she is operating w/in a reality that others cannot understand. She may have focused on activity in the culdesac b/c she feels it is a conspiracy to disturb her. She may have decided the women (mothers) are out to "get" her. She may feel she is going to "prove" she has "rights" and she is not going to be "taken advantage of." WHO KNOWS? But the point is - trying to rationally deal w/ a person who is mentally ill will get you NOWHERE, assuming that person is not on meds and not in treatment.
As someone who has several Psych degrees, I will say Ani that you may be right. On the flip side, maybe she's just a .

My question to the OP: Will the kids be knocking on this neighbor's door come Halloween?
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Old 10-08-2008, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
5,975 posts, read 17,559,055 times
Reputation: 5007
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
I hope everyone knows that Bibit and I were just goofing around w/ the cut tires comment . . . and pointing out that people can get really upset over neighborhood issues, especially when they involve children . . . I would never condone such behavior, of course. Just wanted to make sure our banter was not misunderstood.
Yeah! Doncha all see the halo over my head, hmmmmm?
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Old 10-08-2008, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Fort Mill, SC
1,105 posts, read 4,169,222 times
Reputation: 628
anifan - Good point, I hadn't thought about it quite like that although it did occur to me that she must be a very sad, miserable person. I can't say we will totally avoid the culdesac but we will certainly avoid any confrontation.

I have also thought about the halloween thing. Part of me wants to get everyone and their mother to ring their doorbell even if lights are not on but probably we will all just stay away. This is a crazy neighborhood on halloween though. People come from all over to trick or treat.
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Old 10-08-2008, 01:24 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,023,037 times
Reputation: 22370
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenn02674 View Post
anifan - Good point, I hadn't thought about it quite like that although it did occur to me that she must be a very sad, miserable person. I can't say we will totally avoid the culdesac but we will certainly avoid any confrontation.

I have also thought about the halloween thing. Part of me wants to get everyone and their mother to ring their doorbell even if lights are not on but probably we will all just stay away. This is a crazy neighborhood on halloween though. People come from all over to trick or treat.
Well, this lady may just be going thru a "bad period," but sometimes it is best to consider that there could be more to the story so that you can better handle your response (and future actions). I think the less interaction you have, the better. If she is as unstable as it appears, she may feel threatened by others reaching out to her. I know - sounds illogical!!!

Regardless, I hope things will settle down in the culdesac . . . it is going to be cold weather soon . . . and that is going to cut down on outdoor action anyway. GOOD LUCK!!!!
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Old 10-09-2008, 09:42 PM
 
8 posts, read 16,757 times
Reputation: 18
I certainly don't agree with adults swearing up and down at small children, but I am kind of sympathetic to this woman's complaints. I don't have any children yet, so my opinion of things might change, but right now I sure as heck want them to stay off my property and watch out if they're playing in the street. After living in an apartment where the neighbor kids would play ball on my stairs (they were MY stairs because they only led to my unit) and jumping off the landing to the ground 10 feet below, screaming at the tops of their lungs, I was so pleased to move to Charlotte and rent a home where kids played in the common area across the street, and moved their bikes out of the road if a car was coming. I just bought a home in a more established neighborhood where the kids are mostly in high school or have moved out, and it's so nice to think that we can enjoy some peace and quiet now and not feel like old farts for being annoyed by a group of overly exuberant children. I am a teacher, so I do have a pretty high tolerance for nonsense and noisiness, but I hear it all day at work, and as long as I'm not a mommy, I don't want to hear it in my front yard. When I was little, my friends and I would get an earful from our moms if they caught us: 1) playing in a yard that did not belong to any of the kids in the group, 2) riding bikes in the street when there were cars coming by, or 3) being generally obnoxious and not keeping things down to a dull roar. If our parents thought we should have respect and courtesy for our neighbors, why shouldn't our children? They are not any more precious or precocious or wonderful than we were!
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:20 AM
 
Location: Fort Mill, SC
845 posts, read 2,318,477 times
Reputation: 256
Interesting post... Our neighborhood is full of kids and it has always surprised me the amount to retirees that live here also. It would seem that most people that drive through our neighborhood would realize that fact before they purchase... Good luck Jenn... this is a tough one... Oh, quick question....did the neighbor in question purchase the last house on the street, the green one that overlooks the common area?
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