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Old 02-16-2009, 08:05 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,009,663 times
Reputation: 22370

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I did not feel the OP came here trying to politicize his situation, yet that seems to be what has happened here.

Someone's world has come apart at the seams, as it is any time there is a divorce. How about we all concentrate on sending out healing messages into the universe instead of making assumptions and judgments?

The OP did not come here being combative, but sincerely asked for some kind of insight into what the trends w/ courts are here in re: to child custody issues. We provided that.

I think some of the comments have been cruel and hurtful at a time when another person is suffering b/c he fears losing the daily interaction with his precious child. How about a little compassion for someone whose world has just been turned upside down?

 
Old 02-16-2009, 08:16 PM
 
20 posts, read 138,995 times
Reputation: 19
A court will consider what is in the children's best interest in determining custody. While I don't personally agree with the view, there have been several cases where a court has considered the fact that one parent is in a homosexual relationship as a "negative" factor when deciding what is in a child's best interest. Also, in NC there is no preference for mothers with respect to custody decisions.
 
Old 02-16-2009, 11:05 PM
 
4 posts, read 7,266 times
Reputation: 17
I was very hesitant to post such a controversial topic. Please be assured that I am only doing this out of what I believe is best for my daughter. I did not list all of the facts regarding the reasons that I wish to seek custody, only the ones that I know will be hot buttons in court and that I am unsure of how the judges will view. Her neglect - no immunizations, child support (non-court mandated) has gone to booze & partying, etc - I have no question about and I do not expect a judge will either.

the only positive thing that came from this thread was words of support and I was very surprised at the ratio of women to men; thank all of you whom did offer support but especially the women because that was not something I was expecting.

One last thought - to all of those claiming "homophobe", please ask any well educated therapist or psychiatrist and they will explain that most male homophobic' only are afraid of male homosexuals. There is a difference between being afraid and not agreeing with under certain situations.

Last edited by SunnyKayak; 02-17-2009 at 04:50 AM.. Reason: let the mods do the moderating
 
Old 02-17-2009, 06:22 AM
 
72 posts, read 188,333 times
Reputation: 51
Covinth, Dont let anyone sway what you think in either direction. If you think gaining coustity of your child is the best thing for her then you must fight as hard as you can to get her! I know that some of these issues will be hot topics for the coustity battle and you got a small dose of what it might be like. It sounds like she is a margional mother and you sound like a caring dad. At least your little girl is small enough not to remember any of whats about to happen. I wish the best of luck to you. Please let us know how it turns out.
 
Old 02-17-2009, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Near the water
8,231 posts, read 11,580,563 times
Reputation: 3877
I too wish you the best of luck with this.

I know the sincerity that you originally posted with as do many others, keep your up.
And remember, a judge loves it when you document, document, document. That speaks volumes to them.
 
Old 02-17-2009, 07:11 AM
 
4 posts, read 7,266 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gishdream View Post
At least your little girl is small enough not to remember any of whats about to happen.
This is exactly what my estranged wife's mother & I have been telling each other.

As far as the documentation, I have a very nice journal that I am in the process of typing up for the attorney. It was not my intention of this thread, but if anyone have more useful info like this I would appreciate it.
 
Old 02-17-2009, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
553 posts, read 1,102,752 times
Reputation: 539
Quote:
Originally Posted by covinth View Post
This is exactly what my estranged wife's mother & I have been telling each other.

As far as the documentation, I have a very nice journal that I am in the process of typing up for the attorney. It was not my intention of this thread, but if anyone have more useful info like this I would appreciate it.

You are doing the right thing. You are looking after the best interest of you child. People need to back off and stop hijacking a thread for their own issues.

As far as the journal goes, it is a very good idea. Also, if you have any additional documentation from school or physcians, that will help too. I am an attorney in NY and I can tell you that an organized client is very helpful in a case like this.
 
Old 02-17-2009, 07:39 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,009,663 times
Reputation: 22370
Quote:
Originally Posted by covinth View Post
I was very hesitant to post such a controversial topic. Please be assured that I am only doing this out of what I believe is best for my daughter. I did not list all of the facts regarding the reasons that I wish to seek custody, only the ones that I know will be hot buttons in court and that I am unsure of how the judges will view. Her neglect - no immunizations, child support (non-court mandated) has gone to booze & partying, etc - I have no question about and I do not expect a judge will either.

the only positive thing that came from this thread was words of support and I was very surprised at the ratio of women to men; thank all of you whom did offer support but especially the women because that was not something I was expecting.

One last thought - to all of those claiming "homophobe", please ask any well educated therapist or psychiatrist and they will explain that most male homophobic' only are afraid of male homosexuals. There is a difference between being afraid and not agreeing with under certain situations.
I find it sad that people have put you in the position of having to explain that you are not a homophobe, and indeed, your definition is correct. In the last 30 years, I have personally known three people w/ spouses who came out of the closet. What I saw my friends go through - as well as their exes - was heart-wrenching. I am sorry you are having to deal with your marriage ending and on top of it, deal with the feelings of betrayal that would be NATURAL for anyone in your shoes.

If your STBX is neglecting your daughter while exploring her new-found freedom, then you must document every single incident - date, time, circumstance and any witnesses. A good attorney will probably advise you to hire a private investigator, and you should consider this even tho it will doubtless seem distasteful. Unfortunately, this is pretty standard in any divorce case that involves suspicion that the custodial parent is neglecting the needs of his/her child. This would include such things as unsafe babysitting arrangements, disruptive schedule for the child, neglect as far as healthcare, etc.

It is obvious to me that you are concerned for your daughter's welfare and not just lashing out at your wife. She is still legally your wife and you are still jointly responsible for your daughter's welfare. You should not be castigated for being concerned, and I am sorry there are some who evidently do not see it that way.

It may be that with time and circumstance, your STBX will settle down into a very responsible lifestyle pattern. Don't assume she won't. She is the child's mother and while she is out discovering who she is, that doesn't necessarily mean she will forget her role as a mother. Both of you are dealing with a crisis situation and it won't be a crisis forever. Things really do settle down. The sooner you can feel secure about your daughter's safety and welfare (regardless of the custodial arrangements) - the quicker you can get back to the business of living a less stressful life.
 
Old 02-17-2009, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,302,020 times
Reputation: 39844
Quote:
Originally Posted by covinth View Post
I was very hesitant to post such a controversial topic. Please be assured that I am only doing this out of what I believe is best for my daughter. I did not list all of the facts regarding the reasons that I wish to seek custody, only the ones that I know will be hot buttons in court and that I am unsure of how the judges will view. Her neglect - no immunizations, child support (non-court mandated) has gone to booze & partying, etc - I have no question about and I do not expect a judge will either.

the only positive thing that came from this thread was words of support and I was very surprised at the ratio of women to men; thank all of you whom did offer support but especially the women because that was not something I was expecting.

One last thought - to all of those claiming "homophobe", please ask any well educated therapist or psychiatrist and they will explain that most male homophobic' only are afraid of male homosexuals. There is a difference between being afraid and not agreeing with under certain situations.
I agree.

You are in a tough situation and my heart goes out to you. In the end you have to follow your gut instincts and do what you think is right for your child. Hopefully her mother will have the same attitude and you two will come to a point where you can work together so she has BOTH of you in her life. Just remember to always put her, not your ego, first and you'll be fine
 
Old 02-17-2009, 10:13 AM
 
4,222 posts, read 6,710,137 times
Reputation: 1560
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
Let me get this straight...you want someone on here to help you take primary custody of your baby daughter away from her Mother only because you disagree with her choice in partner??

I wouldn't help you if I could and I hope the court gives you a reality check.

The pendulum is swinging the other way now that we have a Democrat in the Presidency. Its no longer vogue to mistreat people because of their choice of partner.
First, you have taken a perfectly legitimate question and injected it with personal prejudice and political agenda. Who cares about the "pendulum"? The gentleman is concerned about the welfare of his daughter. With the information given, the child has been subjected to an unstable marriage (regardless of the lesbian relationship). It isn't unstable because of a same sex relationship as you conclued, but it is unstable because an extramarital relationship exists. For you to associate this remotely with the current presidential administration is absolutely absurd and irreleviant. The court will look at which parent will be able to provide the most stable, financially secure life for the child. Considering the information that we have, there is no clear indication which way a judge will go. Sexual preference is not part of the decision process. I do not know your sexual preference, but it is easy to assume that you have your biases for heterosexuals. Just remember, whether you like it or not, it will all be based on the security and financial interest of the child not sexual preference. Nothing else is relative. For your information, until a divorce takes place, any sexual act that occurs between a husband and wife with someone outside of the marriage, is considered an adultrious act which is the the same thing as an extramarital affair according to the law. whether democrat, republican, independent, or liberterian, has nothing to do with it.

Last edited by vindaloo; 02-17-2009 at 10:25 AM..
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