Transplant's angry families (Welcome, Broadway: rental car, rental, insurance)

[nascarnancy]

Originally Posted by ECM08

My well-to-do in-laws lived in Durham in the 70's but have lived in Connecticut ever since. Their recollection of Charlotte from 35 years ago bears no resemblance to the city it is now. And they've been full of well-meaning but condescending comments ever since we moved here last summer. For example, my MIL asked what national-chain stores we had here, and when I meantioned Nordstrom, she said "Oh, really?! Good for you!!"

LOL. My husband and I still joke around about that one.

LOL! I moved from So Cal 2 years ago and I kid you not, a couple of girls in my Bunco group wanted to know if the women were fashionable or cared about fashion out here. I said "no, they all wear overalls"! So they had a sigh of relief when I said we had Nordstrom, Macy's, Tiffany's etc to shop at. Ahh, the real housewifes of Orange County!

[BrianH1970]

Originally Posted by anifani821

I think a lot of people feel that when everyone has lived in a certain place - and one of the members leaves - it is up to the person who left to "come home" to visit.

I can remember asking a relative of mine to come visit me in Kansas City and was told "Why would I do that? You're the one who left."

At least you got the what they believed out of them. Remember that Charlie Brown Halloween special when everyone was comparing the candy they got and all Charlie could say was, "I got a rock"? You got what they believed to be the truth, no matter how insensitive the statement, all I got were lies and excuses.

Not to mention that statement has overtones of punishment to it. Either you make the effort or you get nothing, you lose, good day sir!!!

If I got hit with that, my response would've been "okay, then don't be upset when I'm back in your neck of the woods and don't pay you the visit". Had my folks moved down to North Carolina and I stayed in New Jersey, we would've paid them the visits without question.

<step away from the computer Brian...step away...>

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by BrianH1970

At least you got the what they believed out of them. Remember that Charlie Brown Halloween special when everyone was comparing the candy they got and all Charlie could say was, "I got a rock"? You got what they believed to be the truth, no matter how insensitive the statement, all I got were lies and excuses.

Not to mention that statement has overtones of punishment to it. Either you make the effort or you get nothing, you lose, good day sir!!!

If I got hit with that, my response would've been "okay, then don't be upset when I'm back in your neck of the woods and don't pay you the visit". Had my folks moved down to North Carolina and I stayed in New Jersey, we would've paid them the visits without question.

<step away from the computer Brian...step away...>

Yes, at least I got the truth. But the rest of my friends and family did come to visit, and even some cousins came, as well as my DH's family who live in WI. But it just goes to show how some people think.

My DH has a brother who no one would ever bother to visit (except us) and so . . . he quit making a big effort to visit the other brothers when he came back to his home town, and I didn't blame him a bit. Plus, when he would come to town, everyone would say - "let's meet up for dinner" and visiting brother somehow ended picking up the tab for everyone else!!! I thought that was pretty tacky!!!

Family can be very insensitive . . . and cling to anger about being "left behind" even when it doesn't make any sense at all.

[BrianH1970]

This thread is slowly changing to "Families Angry Transplants".

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by BrianH1970

This thread is slowly changing to "Families Angry Transplants".

That very may well be true, LOL.

There is something I would like to throw out . . . I have known families who were very upset that members of the group moved to NC. But after some time, people visited and in two cases I know of - family members liked it so much here, some of them decided to move here!!

So you never know what might happen over time . . .

[chicagocubs]

Originally Posted by anifani821

I think a lot of people feel that when everyone has lived in a certain place - and one of the members leaves - it is up to the person who left to "come home" to visit.

I can remember asking a relative of mine to come visit me in Kansas City and was told "Why would I do that? You're the one who left."

Yep, Ani, I heard that too....

[BrianH1970]

Originally Posted by anifani821

T
There is something I would like to throw out . . . I have known families who were very upset that members of the group moved to NC. But after some time, people visited and in two cases I know of - family members liked it so much here, some of them decided to move here!!

Same with a friend of mine from back home. I'm not sure how many visits they made, but it wasn't all that many before they decided to move down here as well.

[serovich]

Thanks for all the support. It's nice to know we're not alone. Yes, I do have a job in the Charlotte area, so there aren't any issues with that. My job requires that I travel, but moving to the Charlotte area should lessen the time away from my family. More time with my family is one of the major reasons for making this move. That, along with the nicer climate and many activities geared toward family. These reasons apparently aren't enough for our parents and siblings to wish us well. One other thing that intrigues us is the fact that my wife and I both have heard I our parents say that they wish they would have moved from the area when they were younger. I really don't get it.
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]

[Yorkiegirl16]

Originally Posted by serovich

Thanks for all the support. It's nice to know we're not alone. Yes, I do have a job in the Charlotte area, so there aren't any issues with that. My job requires that I travel, but moving to the Charlotte area should lessen the time away from my family. More time with my family is one of the major reasons for making this move. That, along with the nicer climate and many activities geared toward family. These reasons apparently aren't enough for our parents and siblings to wish us well. One other thing that intrigues us is the fact that my wife and I both have heard I our parents say that they wish they would have moved from the area when they were younger. I really don't get it.
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]

Another thing I want to add is this: Don't fall for head games. Relocation is emotional as well as physical. Don't let them manipulate you into thinking how much you'll miss the familiar and routines. You will develop new routines. It may take time, but it will happen. Be gentle with yourself and each other when you do make the move. Surround yourself with a support system. Keep in contact with a support system. If you're feeling homesick, talk to someone (or come to CD) who will give you the emotional support you need. Don't talk to family about it, they'd probably just smile and say "I knew you wouldn't like it". You don't need people like that in your life.

From what you described, it sounds as if they had regrets about not moving. Don't let their regrets lead to your missed opportunity. There is no crime in trying to better yourself and your family. Plan well, trust yourself and lookout for you and your family. Beyond that, very little matters.

[serovich]

We are in the process now. Under contract with buyers of our home in Pa and under contract with a home in Fieldstone. We should be there by the end of March.