Transplant's angry families (home, employment, high school)

[serovich]

My wife and I, along with two children are preparing to move here from central PA (coal region, very depressed). My issue is with our parents and a few siblings. They insist on condemning us for making this move. Saying we'll be sorry, we'll be back, and just in general very angry. What is wrong with these people? My wife and I feel it is best for us and our children to do this move. The area has so much more to offer. It has been very difficult for us to be happy about this when we are being ridiculed. My question is: Has anyone else experienced this type of treatment from families?

[SouthernBelleInUtah]

Not exactly the same, but my mother talked a lot about how my son felt abandonned b/c my daughter had moved away, his father had moved away (yeah, 1 hr away), and I was planning to move away. She went on and on about it until I was ready to scream. I think SHE was feeling abandonned. Butwe have to do what we feel is best for our situaiton. Good luck!

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by serovich

My wife and I, along with two children are preparing to move here from central PA (coal region, very depressed). My issue is with our parents and a few siblings. They insist on condemning us for making this move. Saying we'll be sorry, we'll be back, and just in general very angry. What is wrong with these people? My wife and I feel it is best for us and our children to do this move. The area has so much more to offer. It has been very difficult for us to be happy about this when we are being ridiculed. My question is: Has anyone else experienced this type of treatment from families?

Hang tough, this happens. It has everything to do with them, and not much really to do with you.

They feel a bit rejected that what they view as "home" and good enough for them is somehow now not good enough for you. They also feel a bit abandoned that you would actully get up and leave them behind. Somehow tearing you down makes them feel less inferior.

But hey, they are your family - they love you, and you love them - so don't let them drag you into the drama, refuse to participate. Just keep smiling and telling them you love them, but that as the head of your family now you have to do what you think is right. Remind your folks they raised you to be a man and do the right thing and that you are just doing as they taught you

[ssd3]

I went through something similar with my sister. It has been 7 months now and she still gives her digs every time I talk to her but then the conversation moves on. I'm sure in time it will get better. Maybe after they come down for a visit and see for themselves they may be more understanding.

[Chromekitty]

Originally Posted by serovich

My wife and I, along with two children are preparing to move here from central PA (coal region, very depressed). My issue is with our parents and a few siblings. They insist on condemning us for making this move. Saying we'll be sorry, we'll be back, and just in general very angry. What is wrong with these people? My wife and I feel it is best for us and our children to do this move. The area has so much more to offer. It has been very difficult for us to be happy about this when we are being ridiculed. My question is: Has anyone else experienced this type of treatment from families?

I am sorry that you are having to go through this, I am sure your family cares about you and doesn't want to see you go. Maybe their anger is simply fear?

My DH is from PA., and moved here in 2007. While his job search and employment hasn't been what we both had hoped for, he is still very glad to be here. Very happy that he got out of PA. Yesterday we were at Freedom Park with our dog and walked past a lady that was wearing a Steelers sweatshirt, she and DH exchanged words and she and her family are very glad to be here as well. There are many of you damn yankees here.

One of the scariest things in life is change. This is a HUGE change for your family. Who knows once you and your family get here and settled, they can come visit and might like it and move here themselves.

Good luck in your move, any ideas when you will take the plunge?

[amploud]

Originally Posted by serovich

My wife and I, along with two children are preparing to move here from central PA (coal region, very depressed). My issue is with our parents and a few siblings. They insist on condemning us for making this move. Saying we'll be sorry, we'll be back, and just in general very angry. What is wrong with these people? My wife and I feel it is best for us and our children to do this move. The area has so much more to offer. It has been very difficult for us to be happy about this when we are being ridiculed. My question is: Has anyone else experienced this type of treatment from families?

A lot of that exists in my family (both sides) also. I've been dealing with it for nearly my entire life because my parents moved us away from our home town when I was young. When I got older, my family started to pressure me to move back "home." Of course, my point of origin no longer felt like "home" since I'd lived elsewhere my entire life. My wife has a similar background and hears virtually the same thing. I remind my family that I must make a living and must "go where the jobs are." I also tell them that the "quality of life" is better here than back "home" and they should want wants best for me.

Still, I pretty much have to do all the traveling to see them. They seem to forget that roads and planes go BOTH directions. Sure makes us feel special!

Sometimes it seems that family is the best reason to move away!

[BrianH1970]

Originally Posted by serovich

My wife and I, along with two children are preparing to move here from central PA (coal region, very depressed). My issue is with our parents and a few siblings. They insist on condemning us for making this move. Saying we'll be sorry, we'll be back, and just in general very angry. What is wrong with these people? My wife and I feel it is best for us and our children to do this move. The area has so much more to offer. It has been very difficult for us to be happy about this when we are being ridiculed. My question is: Has anyone else experienced this type of treatment from families?

<wrings hands, cracks knuckles>




Just to forewarn ya...after reading this...accept the fact right now that none of your family will ever visit you once you get down here. Just trust me on that one.

If I were you I might even expect a shift to headgame tactics before you go, one that includes bringing up all the stuff that they know you're going to miss. Once they realize one won't work, they always go to plan B.

I won't try to get into your parents' heads over their rationale for tearing you down or saying you'll be sorry. Whether it's a feeling of abandonment or jealousy on a variety of levels (having that courage to just pick up and shoot for a new life, maybe even possibly winding up with a lifestyle much better than they could hope to have). Maybe they feel that they still know what's better for you than what you know for yourself. Whatever the reasoning is, it's wrong. It's more wrong to come out with it the way that they are.

You're job isn't to live your adult life for your parents. You're living for 1) Your family 1A) Yourself. You could listen to them and stay, but here's brutal honesty for anybody in that type of situation: they'll be long gone someday, leaving you and your family left with an enormous "what if". You tell me, who's that fair to?

Maybe they're happy with their current lifestyle, that doesn't mean yours has to mirror theirs if you don't find it suitable. There's nothing wrong with aiming higher. Ever. And if it doesn't work out, kudos to you and your family for having the <round objects generally used in sports> for doing something that they couldn't.

I do want to put one thing in perspective: Saying things like you'll be sorry, you're going to regret it, you're making a mistake (I know you've heard that one), essentially they're saying you're going to hit rock bottom, fail, and come crawling back with your heads between your legs. That type of voodoo just gets to me. The only way to validate those lines and that general attitude is to go through exactly what you're looking to go through with. If they're not happy, they'll learn to deal with it.

God this topic just brings out the bitter in me.

lovesMountains, why did your post here have to be as sweet as it was?!?!? Makes me look like AngryBrianH1970

[ZnGuy]

We have moved around quite a bit and for many years lived in same town of my in-laws. My wife's family was/is fairly close and we seemed to get together or should I say were expected to get together every weekend, holiday. I'd say it was mainly my mother-in-law that had the expectations of being together as a family each week. I really like my in-laws but sometimes you want to be with your immediate family. When we decided to move 30 miles away we were about disowned. Then we decided to voluntarily move 'South' ...CLT(for no job reason, etc except for better quality life). The interesting thing is my wife was an Army brat and moved a dozen times up through high school so you would have thought that they would be more open to the idea of us moving. I really believe you have to sometimes be a little 'selfish' and do what you feel is best for your own family and not be influenced or let others dictate what you do. My wife and kids could not be happier and I think the relationship with my wife's parents is even better. They come down from the north to visit a couple times a year and we go up once during summer and during winter holidays. The times we spend with them is better quality time.

[BrianH1970]

Originally Posted by amploud

Still, I pretty much have to do all the traveling to see them. They seem to forget that roads and planes go BOTH directions. Sure makes us feel special!

Ain't that the truth. I-77 and 81 and 78 are only northbound and eastbound lanes when family wanted to visit family. They mysteriously turned to only westward and southbound when it was time for family to go back home until the next visit. Traffic going the other way had to have been a mirage.

[amploud]

Brian, you've captured it perfectly. Jealousy, fear of the unknown, and feelings of abandonment... the perfect cocktail of irrational family behavior!